The Trial
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: Chapter 19! A continuation of The Soul of the Creation! Climax. Dilandau finally faces his fears.
1. Grass Whistle Anthem

            This fic is based on a universe first introduced in my other fic series: The Soul of the Creation. I severely recommend that you read that one first and foremost, before you read this story, otherwise this one will not make any sense at all. 

            Hi's! Thanks to everyone who read my fic "The Soul of the Creation", if you haven't, like I said, read it first!! It's very important! I decided that I was going to write a story with a lot of short chapters, to see what it was like. I know where this is going, but I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get there, so if you have any suggestions, I welcome them! (By the way, the grass whistle is dedicated to Feye Morgan)

The Trial

Chapter 1: Grass Whistle Anthem

_He took a little in his mouth,  
And held it long enough for north  
To be converted into south,  
And then by measure blew it forth.  
By measure. It was word and note,  
The wind the wind had meant to be-  
A little through the lips and throat.Robert Frost - "The Aim was Song"_

            The mournful sound of a grass whistle wafted over the tiny village. Women looked up from hanging their washing or watching their children, up to the high hill that overlooked their town, the place where the music was invariably coming from. 

            A short woman with dark, shoulder-length hair looked up from the meal she was cooking. "What's that?" she said, preoccupied.

            "You know what that is…" said her son, a boy of about eighteen with thick, dark hair that stood up off his head despite its length. He was standing in the kitchen, watching her intently.

            "Oh, Dilandau at it again?" the woman said, smiling distantly.

            "He says it helps him think better." the boy said, leaning over his shorter mother and tasting the sauce she was preparing.

            She slapped his hand, "Oh, quit it Ravi, there'll be time to do that at dinner! Anyway, what's that boy thinking about that he needs to distract the entire village with it?" she asked, her eyes showing that she was still listening to the music. 

            Ravi shrugged, the spoon hanging out of his mouth. He disliked lying to his mother, but he could never tell her the truth about Dilandau. He had uncles who fought in that war, and if they found out… Well, if anyone found out, Dilandau could probably never be safe again. 

            He still remembered what a shock it had been to him when he found out that the best friend he had such a rivalry with had been a commander in that fateful war, and he had been reborn… He knew that there was no way he could understand what thoughts were going through Dilandau's mind while he pierced the midday with that melancholy tune. 

            He had learned long ago to let Dilandau be by himself when he wanted to. There were times when he felt a little nervous knowing that there was a whole different life that Dilandau had left behind. Maybe this one wasn't good enough, and Dilandau would decide to leave them all behind. But, Ravi supposed, that was pointless to think about. Ravi chewed absentmindedly on his spoon and listened to the tune.

            Up on the hill, Dilandau pressed his thumbs together, letting the song flow over him. The tinny, shrill sound of a grass whistle could not do justice to the meaning of this song, but Dilandau didn't know how to play any other instrument, preferring to perfect his swordsmanship in his youth. He would have taken up music earlier, and with a different instrument, if he had known how easily he could deal with his old memories, letting them drift off in the notes that he played. This song… Yes, it was the song that they heard most often when they were back there, when they were soldiers: The Dragonslayers anthem. He could never remember the words, even back when he had been there. Something about 'never giving up', 'never surrendering', 'never letting go'. 

            Tears pricked his eyes, stealing his breath even as he blew the last note. He wondered what his most trusted soldiers would think of him now. He was older now, almost eighteen, but he was no longer a soldier. He was just a normal boy, albeit one that was exceptionally good at swordplay. The men of Asturia had come more than once to ask him to become a knight there, but he had refused. War was behind him, he didn't want anything to do with it. Allen didn't seem to mind that, which was a boon to Dilandau. He had thought for a moment that Allen would want him to become a Knight Caeli, like Allen and Dilandau's father…

            Would his old friends mind that without the constant press of his changed fate weighing him down, he was free to chose not to fight anymore? They never knew him as he was now, they probably wouldn't be able to understand the person he had become, the person he would have been without the influence of the sorcerers on his soul. Dilandau still had dreams sometimes about them, dark shadows coming towards him with glinting eyes. He shuddered thinking about it, and turned his mind back to his Dragonslayers.

            Probably his old friends would think it's wrong for him to stop fighting. Dilandau didn't want to think about it anymore. He sighed loudly and lay down on top of the hill, watching the clouds drift toward the horizon like soap bubbles caught in the pull of the drain. 

            Abruptly, a head obscured his view of the clouds. Dilandau scuttled back in surprise.

            "Hi, there." said his mother, grinning, "Don't you think you ought to get your head out of those clouds before they fade away and it's lost forever?" 

            Dilandau smiled sheepishly, "Just thinking, you know…" he said.

            Celena nodded, "I know." she said sagely, "But thinking of any kind is best done on a full stomach. Let's get some food in you." 

            Dilandau shrugged, "I guess I can't argue with that kind of logic." he stood, and put his arms out like a blind man, "I'll follow you, then."

            "Yeah you will!" Celena shouted playfully, "When I beat you down the hill!" she took off running like a woman possessed, which at one time, she was. 

            Dilandau, not to be outdone, took a flying leap onto the path, and ended up beating her to the door. But just barely.  

            Far away, in a dark, secluded place, the boy and his mother were being watched. A group of silent men, clad in shadow, spoke about him as they watched him go about his business. Their voices were hushed, they sometimes sat in long silences for no apparent reason. When they spoke, it was always to the point. It seemed they had gotten used to the passage of time, letting it flow over them without disturbing them.

            "He's ready now, right?" asked one, a trace of eagerness escaping from his lips.

            "I think so." another replied slowly, "But if he isn't, what will happen?"

            "Perhaps he'll join us." a third said, voice cold and slow.

            There was a long pause. 

            "Perhaps." answered the second voice.

            "He'll be frightened, you know." piped up another voice, "He doesn't know we're still around, affecting his life."

            "But he thinks about us," said the third voice, "that's just as important."

            "Do you think he fears us?" the first voice asked, this time more nervously.

            "Yes…" the second voice said tentatively, "deep inside his heart he does, I believe it." There was another pause as they watched the man that they had helped create, this person who could not have been who he was without them. 

            This strange, quiet group of people in the shadows, these memories from Dilandau's long-gone past, they were watching him, biding their time until they could finally do what they had desired for so many years. Affect his life, and change his destiny, alter his fate once more.

Author's note: Ooooh! Spooky! I hope you know who those guys are, because they're super important in this story. We thought we were rid of them, that they were gone forever, but no! They come back, to alter fate again!! Buwahaha… Anyhow, I'm trying to make this story less verbose than The Soul of the Creation, and I'm trying out the a lot of short chapters format. I hope you like it, and all… I've never done one before. All my chapters end up being like 4000 words. Blah. This one's less than 1500. I leave you in suspense! Tell me what you think! 


	2. Cold Sweat and Memories

            Once again, please read The Soul of the Creation before this, or it will make very little sense. Like, almost no sense at all. 

            I'm gonna write a disclaimer!! Dilandau doesn't belong to me, he is the creative property of the good people who made him. This fic is my creative property, though, and in stealing it without my permission, you could be sued. I, on the other hand, cannot be sued. Go fair use policy.

The Trial

Chapter 2: Cold Sweat and Memories

_A voice said, Look me in the stars  
And tell me truly, men of earth,  
If all the soul and body scars  
Were not too much to pay for birth.  
Robert Frost-"A Question"_

            Celena found herself staring at her son as he looked distantly out the window. He had been eating poorly lately, picking at his food and then leaving, seeming lost in thought. He had always told her before when he was thinking about their old life, so she knew that probably she would have to wait until he felt like talking to her about it. 

            She leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, seeming surprised that she was still there. She smiled, "You want me to heat that up for you?" she asked him.

            He glanced down at his plate, "Hm? Oh, yeah…" he gave a pitiful half-smile, "Sorry." He poked at his plate for a moment, and then turned to look out the window again.

            Celena sighed, clearing the remainder of the table, but leaving Dilandau's plate there. She was just starting to wash the dishes in the sink when he turned away from the window and smiled a pained smile.

            "Hey, mom?" he asked, softly.

            "Uh huh?" she answered.

            "You remember them too, don't you?" He paused, but she perceived that he meant to go on, so she didn't answer.

            He did go on, "I mean, that was so long ago now… There's no chance that even if any of them survived, they'd still remember me." he smiled at her, "My Dragonslayers."

            She blinked for a few moments, "Oh, is that what you've been so upset about?" she asked him, no trace of mocking in her voice.

            "Yeah, I know it's silly, worrying about people who've been long dead…" he said dismissively.

            "No!" she said, "No, no.. Go on." she sat down beside him, listening attentively.

            He paused for a moment, looking at his hands, "Well, they were my only friends, back then, and I was wondering what they'd think about me now.. Avoiding the life I used to lead, sitting around at home." he shrugged, "I guess I think they'd be disappointed in me, that I'm not in the military, out there doing something." he smiled, looking up, "You know, I used to love it." he said, his eyes shining.

            "I know." Celena nodded, "But perhaps you're not worried about what they think as much as you're worried about what else you can do with your life." 

            Dilandau nodded, and looked up at her with a sadness in his eyes.

            "You know…" Celena began, "You can do what you want. You can be a knight if you want to, or you can do something else. I'm going to give you some time to figure it out, all right?" 

            "Right." Dilandau said, seeming relieved.

            "Besides, we don't know what they're thinking about wherever they went." Celena said. 

            Dilandau smiled, "It's good to know that you remember all of them, too." he said with a warm grin, "Sometimes I almost feel like it was all a dream, you know? A real dream, not my memories." 

            She nodded, smiling at him.

            "Once, and I remember this very clearly…" he chuckled a little as he spoke, "Shesta and Gatty were sparring in the yard, and Shesta tripped over Gatty's shinai. For a moment there, it just looked so ridiculous, Shesta sprawled over the sword, and that look on Gatty's face…" he shook his head, chuckling, "I just couldn't stop laughing. It was really kind of stupid, but at that moment, it struck me as funny." He chuckled for a few moments more and then paused, "Then everybody started laughing. I think that was the last time I actually did something spontaneous with them. I don't know why I was thinking about that… But I remember just after…" He trailed off, thinking.

            Celena swallowed, "Just after that…" she said, her eyes dark and distant.

            Dilandau thought hard, "They took me away again." he said, his voice frightened. He put his head in his hands, "That could be why, then…" he said with a broken smile on his face, "Of course that was the last time something like that happened. They made it the last time." 

            Celena had explained, not long after Dilandau finally regained all of his memories, about the madoushi and their experiments. He was old enough now, he could understand. Those men had done something terrible to him, to her. They had taken her identity away, they had robbed him of his free will. They both became something they were not.

            Perhaps the past Dilandau, when he realized what they were doing to him, would have raged, would have killed the men who had raped his mind. But this Dilandau, the man he could have been, he merely shivered at the thought of those dark capes, those white faces, those voices that were a little too high. 

            "Well…" Dilandau said, wiping a cold sweat from his forehead, "I'm getting tired, maybe I'll go lay down in my room." he smirked weakly, walking into his room.

            Celena put her forehead in her hands, noticing that she was sweating too. She stood up and busied herself clearing the table, trying to clean the dark thoughts from her head. Though the sun had not quite finished setting, she lit the candle in the center of the table, and felt better about herself.  

            It was a primal urge for humans to be comforted by fire, Dilandau knew that. That was the only thing that felt him from feeling dirty as he lit the fireplace in his room, wondering if perhaps the madoushi hadn't programmed him to love the feel of the living heat on his skin as he sat on his chair by the fire. He knew in his mind that it was in his human nature, but that didn't keep his skin from a guilty prickle as he sat down in his armchair, and watched the flames dance in the hearth.

            He kept seeing their faces surface in the afterimage of the too-bright flames, his friends, the Dragonslayers. He put his face in his hands, and his palms were cold and moist against his cheeks. He was tired of seeing them die, over and over. 

            Of course, this time it was on his shoulders. He forgave Van, when he remembered. As much as his memories would let him, he had forgiven Van, but there would ever be a wall between them after that. In any case, he placed the blame on himself now, blame seated in the insanity that had come over him in those last days. He had forgotten guilt, forgotten remorse. Only vengeance and anger had remained, only getting back at Van, and then his friends had paid for it. He tossed another log on the fire and then sat back down. 

            He still worried that he could do something like that again, wondered whether he could make such a grievous mistake again, all for his pride. He had thought about it over and over, and realized that Van had practically had the right to… Do what he did back then. It had been on Dilandau's account that his dearest, indeed, his only friends had died. It would be a very long time before he could come to terms with that. 

            He stared into the fire, not looking at it, but feeling it on his face and body. His thoughts trailed off into the heat, and soon he fell asleep. 

            Meanwhile, the council of shadows that had been observing him from afar watched intently, waiting for that moment.

            "He's asleep!" the first voice was jubilant. Among his fellows he was referred to as Shy, though often he was nothing but. The society that they had created was very attuned to first impressions. 

            "Shall we begin?" asked the second voice, known as True in this circle.

            "If you think he's ready…" said Last, somewhat worried.

            "He's been ready.. It's us who haven't been." Gaze spoke, "We waited for too long." His voice was eager and somewhat disdainful.

            "We couldn't help it." the one called Care said flippantly, "We had to bide our time until we were all able to contact him."

            "It's good that we finally figured out a way." Shy said, "I've been wanting to do this for so long." there was a subtle edge of hunger to his voice, but it was a strange hunger, a desperate one.

            There was a long pause as the conversation was digested.

            "So, shall we go?" True said, "Time will not stand still for us."

            There was another pause, the faces looked worried in the darkness.

            "Yes." came the cry, almost in unison, and the wheels of fate and change were set in motion once more. 

Author's note: Boy, that last part was hard… You don't know how much I thought about those names. It's really hard to think up convincing characters, you don't even know. Anyhow, even though I did, you shouldn't worry too much about the names, they're just tags so that the characters can have something to identify them. But anyhow, I may have been a bit too deep with this chapter, but it's hard to write what I want without being deep. I realize that Shesta tripping is not all that funny, but, uh… I was without inspiration on the funny front… Also, I figured Dilandau could be a little starved for comedy… Yeah, why not. Anyhow, I hope I conveyed the stuff I wanted to convey, and I hope you're itching for the next chapter. Next week, probably! Ha ha!

I get to answer reviews!!

Feye Morgan: I'm happy to contribute to your perfect happiness! And yeah, I stole that musical bit from you, and when I update that chapter again, it'll have a mention of it, yay! Yep, be worried, those people have a wringer that they're going to put Dil-chan through, but you know me, I think he'll come out OK. Well, I know he'll come out OK, but all of you have to wait a bit! hehe! Thanks for reviewing me first!!

Macky: Tnks!! I thought the start might be a little too short, but I didn't want to give everything away in the very beginning. By the by, that's a very good guess!

Dilanda: I'm glad that you're glad that I'm continuing!! Uh.. That's right, right? @.@

Hitomi-no-Hikari: Don't worry so much! Dilly will be OK!! And I can't wait to have you read the rest, so we'll suffer together. 

Etowato: Really? I thought music was a different thing for Dilandau… Hm.. Well, I thought I'd give a little shout out to Feye Morgan for using Dilandau and music in her fic, Journey of Fire and Shadow. Anyhow, yes I will be posting more often! After this week, every Thursday, and Chapter 3 is already almost finished! Worship me!! 


	3. Ring Around

Read the Soul of the Creation! Also review it! I don't own Escaflowne, and everything I know about Law I learned from Law and Order (Some of it I learned from Criminal Justice, also… Also some of it I learned from Law class, but about 2%...) Also, I don't own Escaflowne, not even the DVDs! (I borrowed the series from a friend… ^^;; I'm so poor..)Update: as of 8/15/03, I DO own the DVDs! YAY!

The Trial

Chapter 3: Ring Around

_Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee  
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.  
Robert Frost-"Forgive, O Lord"_

The dream dawned on Dilandau as if it was the wind rising. Suddenly, he faded into a room, dark but for the blue-flame candles that circled the room like the lighted eyes of predatory beasts. There was a spark of fear in Dilandau. Those lights belonged to Zaibach.

For a moment there was curiosity, for Dilandau didn't remember seeing this memory within him. He looked about, wondering when he would see the object of this memory walk by. But he was shocked by a blaze of wind, and deep voices speaking his name.

"Dilandau…" they said, and they were clothed in shadow. He could not see their faces, but for the periodic flashes of their eyes.

"Who-" he started fearfully, but then he straightened, "Who are you?" he asked, his voice serious and unafraid.

They didn't answer, and in their silence, Dilandau grew even more afraid. 

"You must come with us." they said, as one.

"No." Dilandau said, shaking with fury.

"You will." said the one known as True.

Dilandau felt the world shift around him, and suddenly he was in a courtroom. The entire room was standing. 

Dilandau had only seen one trial, the trial of a young man who had been to become a soldier under General Adelphos but was found to be unfit when he killed another of his cadets in cold blood. Dilandau, being the leader of the Dragonslayers, was forced to attend. It had been a long time ago… Dilandau smiled wryly. VERY long. But he still remembered the protocol. The judge walked into the room and was seated. 

"Be seated." The bailiff intoned, and the room sat down. Warily, Dilandau did too.

Needless to say, trials in Zaibach were carried out with the utmost efficiency, and usually there was little emphasis put on emotion. If there was a killing and you were responsible, you would pay the price.

"Dilandau Albatou, former commander of the Zaibach special forces known as Dragonslayers, presently son of Celena Schezar, you are brought here on charges of murder and treason. This is a preliminary hearing. Do you understand?" The judge was seated on his high podium, and looked down at Dilandau. His face was severe, and his manner clipped. He was most definitely a Zaibach judge. 

"Yes, sir." Dilandau said respectfully.

"Your lawyer will be provided by the courts, being as you have no means to get your own." The judge said, "Step forward, lawyer."

The smell came like a wave, Dilandau almost felt it wash over him. It was a bit like flowers, but more, much more, like the sweet stench of rotting meat, a smell of rot almost disguised by the aroma of posies. Involuntarily, Dilandau covered his nose as he turned.

There, standing before him, was the Doppelganger, the one that had killed Miguel. That creature… His name was Zongi, and he looked much the same as on his last day, eyes huge and bulbous, skin sallow. However, contrary to Doppelganger custom, he was clothed in a long, black robe, the one that had been the style for lawyers in Zaibach. 

"Hello." he said in a dark voice, his eyes cold.

Dilandau turned back to the judge, "Your honor, I move to dismiss my lawyer." he said, "He will be unjustly influenced against me." 

The judge raised his eyebrows, "How so?" he asked, curious.

"I…" Dilandau was trying to say, 'I killed him' but the words refused to come out. The rules were different in this dream, perhaps. Perhaps those cold men in their capes wanted this, wanted Dilandau to lose this trial. He narrowed his gaze, "I don't know, sir." he said, bitter, "He seems like the type."

The judge frowned doubtfully, "I'm sorry, but that's not a good enough reason." he said, and he banged his gavel upon the table, "Motion denied."

Dilandau sat back down, and his lawyer sat next to him. The smell was beginning to make Dilandau sick. 

"Prosecution, step forward." the judge said. Out of the shadows stepped Folken, clad in the cloak he usually wore, glancing at Dilandau with hooded eyes.

Dilandau almost leapt up in shock. Folken would be prosecuting him? He didn't like this idea at all. Folken was very smart, and, well… _his_ lawyer was… 

Folken let a half-smile brush across his face as he walked up to conference with the judge. Dilandau scowled at him, beginning to feel as belligerent to Folken as his old self had often been.

Zongi leaned towards him, "We may be able to get you off on negligent homicide, or involuntary manslaughter. Treason will be more difficult, but they have very little proof. Do you know of anyone who could be a character witness?" he asked.

Dilandau coughed, covering his mouth, "No." he mumbled through his fingers.

The Doppelganger looked disappointed, "What? No friends, no relatives who think you're a stand-up guy?"

Dilandau wondered whether the creature remembered his ignominious death at Dilandau's own hands. Perhaps he was merely a figment of the dream. Dilandau decided to play along, "I do. My mother will testify, I have a few friends who will. Uh.. My uncle will certainly testify for me… King Van of Fanelia… King Dryden of Asturia.."

Zongi was looking over a sheaf of papers, "Let's see… we could try, but a lot of those people are on the prosecution's witness list…" he said thoughtfully.

"What?" Dilandau said, surprised, "Let me see that.." he took the paper from Zongi, trying not to touch his clammy hand, and looked it over, "Witness list in order…" he mumbled, reading, "Gatty… Shesta? and Viole… Dallet… Uh… Uncle Allen. Van." he said morosely, "Well, at least my mother isn't on their list."

"Well…" Zongi said, pointing to the last name.

"Oh." Dilandau said, his face falling, "Will we have any original witnesses?" he asked.

"I don't think any of your friends are on it." Zongi said, studying the list, "General Adelphos is here?" he said.

Dilandau ignored him, it helped when trying to ignore the smell. He didn't want to mention it and be rude, but his stomach was still churning.

The judge spoke once again, "You will be tried by a council of twelve of your peers, though some of your crimes are military-related. To combat the lack of a tribunal, a great many of your jurors are from the military. Bailiff," he directed, "Show them in." 

Two lines of people filed in from one of the darkened corridors. Dilandau was shocked to recognize a few of them, but only from flashes on the battlefield. Somehow, though, as if this dream wanted him to, he knew that they were all people who had died at his hands. He saw a woman who had been killed when, in a siege, a burning building fell upon her; countless faces that he barely remembered through melef faceplates, in the glimpses he saw of them they were screaming and writhing in agony; He saw the eyes of the first man he ever killed, that peasant in his garden, and they were cold and hard, staring straight through him. 

This was the first time Dilandau let himself feel despair since the dream began. He knew it was a dream, he knew that he would wake up and it'd be gone, but… All those faces, all those victims… They were staring at him accusingly from beyond the grave. And this trial… he would never win.

The judge turned to him, his slate gray eyes emotionless. Dilandau, unknowingly, drank in that bland stare, reveling in its mild regard.

"The trial will begin tomorrow night." the judge said, "Your defense will be ready by then, don't worry about that. All you have to do until then is decide what your plea will be..." the eyes took on a fiery glint, "Between guilty and not guilty. It's a simple choice." 

Dilandau turned away from the eyes, for once repelled by the fire within them. There was something beneath this that he didn't understand. He frowned, trying to decipher what it was that could be wrong with this trial, other than absolutely everything.

"Court will adjourn until tomorrow." the judge stated, slamming his gavel with a strike of finality upon the table. 

"All rise…" said the bailiff.

Dilandau stood up. Next to him, he felt the cold skin of the Doppelganger brush him. He grimaced, and continued to ignore the smell. There was a tap on his shoulder.

"I'll want to speak with you out in the hall before you leave." Said Zongi, his voice low, as if it was some sort of taboo.

Dilandau, though he desperately wanted some fresh air, nodded.

As the people who had been in the room filtered out the doors, Dilandau followed, and watched them fade into the darkness beyond. The hall was dimly lit, and beyond the light, it was as if everything faded away. 

Zongi, who had been following, turned to Dilandau, "You must think very hard about what your plea will be. I can't make it for you, I can't tell you what it will be."

"I thought that was a lawyer's job.." Dilandau said, a hint of petulance in his voice.

The sallow-faced Doppelganger nodded, "That's true, but this isn't the same kind of trial." he said, a fleeting smile brushing his face.

Dilandau shrugged, "Sure. I'll make the plea. It doesn't really matter what it is. After all, everyone in that courtroom is biased against me already." he looked up.

To his surprise, Zongi didn't look confused, merely slightly pitying, "You don't understand, do you?" he asked, shaking his head.

Dilandau blinked, "Understand what?"

Zongi took him by the shoulder, and pointed back into the courtroom, "There is no prejudice in that room. Not one soul in that entire room harbors any grudge against anyone." he said, his face close to Dilandau's.

Dilandau ignored the smell, and listened intently.

After a dramatic pause, Zongi held up one finger, "Save one person. The judge. He is the one who will decide the outcome of this case." 

Dilandau shook his head, "In Zaibach, they taught us that the jury decided the verdict, and the judge merely carried out the sentencing." 

Zongi smiled a vague, mysterious smile, "Perhaps we're talking about two different trials…" he said, and he held up two long fingers, "Two different judges." he muttered. 

Then, leaving Dilandau sorely confused, he faded back into the darkness. Dilandau almost took a step after him, wanting to ask for clarification, but he was held back by a cold, strong hand.

"Do not follow." A deep voice said.

Whirling, Dilandau said bitterly, "You." 

"You do not know what lies beyond this circle of light." the dark figure, Last, gestured, "If you go beyond this boundary… You can never come back."

"What do you care?" Dilandau said, jerking his arm from the stranger's grasp, "You're them, aren't you? Those madoushi who tore my mind apart, stole my mother's life." his voice was filled with hate.

The rest of the group coalesced like a cloud, and were silent. 

Dilandau stared for a moment at the tall figures, rising like great stone monoliths out of the smoky ground. 

"You will return tomorrow." came the soft voice of Shy.

"We will see you then." True spoke, forcefully. 

Dilandau felt the world around him shift once again, and then he felt his body heavy in his chair, his muscles sore from sleeping in a strange position. He heard birds speaking to each other outside his window.

He kept his eyes closed for a moment, merely savoring the smell of his dead fire. The ashes still had a scent, one that comforted him. It was a welcome change from rot and posies. 

The door creaked open, and Dilandau knew his mother was peeking in. He heard her giggle, sigh, and then he heard the door close stealthily, and smiled to himself. For some reason, that almost made him forget the promise that he would start with the trial right where he left off when he slept again.

Author's most awesome note!!: I'm just digging the double exclamation point lately… Well, I bagged this chapter in no time whatsoever! Booyah! I'm two chapters in one week, baby! I just finished this on 5/9/03, but I won't post it for six more days! You will have suffered by the time I post it! MUAHAHA! This one's got lotsa words, too. Anyhow, I'm glad for the response I've already gotten, and I hope to bring more people in! I don't know how long this will go… At the very least, 10 chaps. I hope. Anyhow… I'm really really tired, so off I go to bed..

But not until I answer my reviews!!

Macky: Thanks again! I'm hoping to delve really deep into Dilandau's psyche with this fic, and really get to the heart of what's bothering him. The names of the Council of Shadow (I think I'll keep that moniker, it sounds so cool…) are pseudonyms. For them, it's easier to refer to people by a characteristic instead of their given name. That way, they can try to leave their past behind them somewhat. It's just easier for me to give them names. The names were given in the same order as last chapter, so if you want, you can try to put them together, except I believe a couple of them didn't speak in the first chapter. There are five of them. About Van, Merle, etc… I don't know. Perhaps I'll have them cameo later, I was planning on having the fic be very insulated, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'll have them move around a little. Visit folk.

Etowato: All right! I was planning on having him seem more mature. I mean, when you think about it, he was much more mature and intelligent than the normal fifteen-year-old boy in the series, and so as an eighteen-year-old, he's even that much more mature. It's also because he's had so many experiences… It's like when people came back from, like, the Vietnam war. They were still young, but they had seen so much that they were old inside. Or something..

Feye Morgan: (tries to slink quietly away) You're crazy! I mean, really, It took me one day to write that… and I was half-asleep when I did! #^^# You make me blush with all your niceness, anyhow. But leave em alone! If you stop them, there'll be no plot, so leave those guys be!! 


	4. The Offer

The Trial 

Chapter 4: The Offer

_I narrow eyes and double night;  
But still the flakes in bullet flight  
More pointedly than ever smite.  
What would they more than have me blink?  
What is it? What am I to think-  
That hard and dry to hard and dry   
They may have said for years?  
Am I, are they, or both to melt?  
If I supply the sorrow felt,  
will they supply the tears?  
Robert Frost-"The Offer"_

            Dilandau sat in his chair for a few moments more, but then, dreading what may happen if he fell back into sleep, he stretched his legs and let them fall, touching his feet to the damp floor. He reflected on the dream… that dream… He knew it couldn't only be that. The very idea of this trial was enough to turn his stomach into ice… and he hated ice.        He stood, and paced about his floor, not thinking about where he was walking. What had the doppelganger meant? 

            Dilandau let Zongi's final words run though his mind once more, _"Perhaps we're talking about two different trials… Two different judges." _What in the world could that mean? Dilandau thought he may have an inkling, but there was no way of knowing for sure. Anyway, he still had to think about his plea.

            Of course he had to plead. Dilandau had known too many of his dreams in his life to not take this one seriously. Nearly every dream he could remember having was a memory for him, and this was most definitely not. He knew, with every fiber of his being, that he would be in that courtroom the moment he fell asleep. 

            He was broken from his reverie by a voice, "Dilandau?" said his mother, her voice concerned.

            Dilandau's feet had carried him into the kitchen without him knowing it. He smiled nervously, "Oops."

            "I'd said your name a couple of times before… Are you all right?" she asked, coming forward to feel his forehead. 

            He pushed her hand away gently, "I'm fine." he muttered.

            She considered his face for a moment, "You don't look fine, in fact you look like you didn't get a wink of sleep last night…" she said thoughtfully.

            "I do?" he said, shuffling over to the polished brass mirror on the wall. Through its distorted surface he saw dark circles under his eyes, and a dull cast to his skin. He turned towards his mother, "I didn't get a great night's sleep last night.." he said.

            "Oh." she said, and looked twice as worried, "Why not?"

            He shrugged with a wry smile, "What else… Dreams." he said. He waved at his mother, and walked for the door, "I'm gonna go eat at Ravi's." 

            Celena nodded, but her eyes were clouded with worry. He hadn't had dreams that bothered him that much in some time. She turned away as he ran out the door. He would tell her about them soon, of course. If she didn't find out for herself first, by experiencing them herself. 

            Dilandau smelled the fresh, mid-morning air. He loved getting up on cool, moist days like this. For a moment he wanted to go up to the hill and whistle these lingering fears away, but he was hungry, so he stayed the impulse.

            Ravi's house wasn't so far away from Dilandau's. Their houses were separated by a small stand of trees, and they'd been wearing a path through the woods for years. It was fairly wide by now. Dilandau kicked some dust up from the path, and recalled racing back and forth through the trees, trying to wear it down.

            He shuffled up to Ravi's door, and knocked on it.

            Ravi's mother answered, looking up at him, "Hey, Dilandau." she said with a smile, "Let me guess, you want something to eat?"

            Dilandau grinned, "Yeah, guess so."

            "Dilandau's here!" Ravi called, running up behind his mother, "Come eat with me an' Lyon, before my mom gets ya."

            "Come now!" Ravi's mother shouted, "I'm much too small to 'get' anyone…" 

            "Don't believe her.." Ravi said in a stage whisper, "I've never been afraid of getting killed, except when she's mad at me."

            Ravi's mother gave him a quick elbow in the thigh, causing him to wince sharply, "As well you should." she said matter-of-factly. 

            Ravi looked at Dilandau, "See what I mean…" he mumbled painfully.

            Dilandau chuckled, following the two of them into the kitchen.

            "Ah!" said the boy seated at the table, a skinny young man with tanned skin and a mop of curly dishwater-blonde hair, "Dil's here!" 

            "Hey Lyon." Dilandau said, sitting down.

            Lyon leaned back, putting his feet on the table, "You know, every time I see you, Dilandau, I wonder why you keep that ugly, old-fashioned haircut." 

            "Ha. Ha." Ravi said, "Lyon's gonna be a jerk today." he finished, jerking his thumb at the boy.

            "He's gonna be real hungry, too, if he don't take his feet offa my table." Ravi's mother said, her voice hard.

            Lyon's eyes widened, and he put his feet on the floor, "Sorry, ma'am." he said.

            Dilandau chuckled, being with his friends had put him more at ease, "Oh, so you think that the curly mess you have on your head is better?" 

            "It's certainly cooler." Lyon sneered, overacting.

            "At least I can brush my hair without losing the brush." Dilandau retorted. 

            Lyon laughed at that, "Oh…. You win, man.. You win today." He pointed a finger at Dilandau, "But tomorrow…. Tomorrow's for me." He jabbed the finger into his chest.

            "You say that every day, Lee." Ravi said, relaxing.

            Ravi's mom walked up with a plate of fruit and some pastries, "Eat this and shut up." she said with a  beatific smile.

            Lyon grinned, "Yes ma'am." he said, obediently putting a flaky pastry in his mouth.

            The boys ate, and in the ensuing silence, Dilandau became more uncomfortable with his thoughts. The silence gave him a chance to reflect on the dream. 

            It had been his intention, when coming here, to immerse himself in the day-to-day things, and ignore the strange dream that he somehow knew was real. However, in this silence, it all came rushing back, and he reflected on what he would tell them that night.

            This plea seemed to be important to them… So why were they making him make it? It was obvious, owing to the identities of the defense, the jury, and the prosecution, that they wanted him to plead guilty, but to what end? Maybe the really wanted him to plead not guilty, and show that he was defiant, or give them more of a chance to mess with his head. 

            Was it about what **they** wanted, though? Those dark figures in the cloaks… They must have been watching him, and trying to figure out a way to take him back. Perhaps they were still in Zaibach, and they wanted to bring the country back to power. But wasn't it supposed to be about what he wanted? They had given him this choice.

            He couldn't help but think that this would all lead somehow back to them, back to where he started. Probably there was no right answer. Whether he plead guilty or not guilty, it meant nothing, because in the end it all came back to them. The thought made him sick.

            "Dilandau?" came Ravi's mother's voice, concerned.

            "Hm?" he said, looking at her.

            "Are you all right? You look sick."

            Ravi and Lyon stared at him for a moment, "You know.." Lyon said through mouthfuls of food, "She's right. You don't look too well."

            "Hm." Dilandau said obliquely, and then, with a significant glance at Ravi, "I haven't been sleeping well lately."

            Ravi stared back at him, his eyes worried.

            Dilandau shook his head, "Well, anyhow. Thanks for having me." he said, rising.

            "What?" Ravi's mother said, "Leaving already? You haven't even eaten anything.."

            He smiled weakly, "I guess I'm just a wanderer today." he said, as if apologizing. He walked out into the hallway.

           With a quick glance at his mother, Ravi rose from the table and followed Dilandau. He gave Dilandau a worried look, "Hey, man, are you all right?" 

            Dilandau looked at him sideways, and shrugged, "Dunno." he said frankly, "I'd rather not talk about it."

            "Dreams, huh?" Ravi said, crossing his arms.

            "Could be…" Dilandau said evasively.

            "Well, whatever it is, you oughtta know…" Ravi said, looking up.

            "Yeah?" Dilandau said, looking at Ravi.

            Ravi put a hand on Dilandau's shoulder, "All that stuff… It's not your problem anymore."

            Dilandau frowned, and twisted out of his grasp, "How do you know…?" he asked placidly, staring Ravi in the eyes.

            Ravi blinked, "I…" 

            "It might still be." Dilandau said, but he was thinking. What did it matter? If the madoushi had made this dream, no matter what he did they would turn it against him. So, no matter what his plea was, it would be used against him. In that case, what did it matter what he said? He paused for a moment, mulling this over, and then looked up at the silent Ravi, "I'll tell you about it, if you don't find out for yourself." 

            "Dilandau, I…" Ravi started nervously. 

            "Don't worry." Dilandau said, "You helped, anyway." He walked out the door, and shut it. 

            Inside, Ravi shook his head, pressing his palm against the door.

            Dilandau was back home in no time.

            "Back." he said.

            "Oh? So early?" Celena said, "Did you eat that fast?"

            Dilandau shook his head, dropping into a chair, "I got distracted, so I left. I wasn't doing them much good there, thinking about something else instead of paying attention to them…" he sighed.

            Celena sat down, staring him earnestly in the face, "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

            He turned away, "No. No… You'll find out." he stood, kissed her on the forehead, and left.

            Minutes later, she heard the haunting grass whistle drifting through the trees.

Author's note: My mouth hurts!! I had my teeth (two) pulled last Thursday, when I posted chapter 3.. I didn't want to change my note, then.. But my mouth hurts now, (Saturday night) because my ibuprofen just wore off. Gah. But anyhow, a more light and airy chapter, slightly sweet, filling… about food. I haven't eaten anything all day. My mouth hurts too much. 

            Anyway, notice a change? I updated all the chapters with verses from Robert Frost! I love Robert Frost… So, I decided to use stuff from him in all my chapters. They don't all fit real well, but oh well. I likey it. I'll reupload the other chapters… someday.

            The end of this chapter reminds me a lot of Naozumi from Kodomo no Omocha. 'Gee, I'm worried, depressed, and/or angry… Must go play music!' It's much more random in Kodocha, though. ^_^

            So anyway! What do you think he'll plead? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter! (Or does it?) Muahaha! I hope to keep you in the dark about a lot of this stuff until really really close to the end, so don't be too smart and figure it all out, please!! If you do, email me, and I'll bow to your whims, for you must be just like me.

What's that you say? I got some Reviews??

Macky: I'm somewhat disappointed that you thought it was funny… Hmm… Oh well, just as long as you were entertained by it, it's all fine by me!

Etowato: Yay! Too bad I updated late… Ha ha… Heh.. Sorry, I was on vacation. So read this chapter and be in suspense for the next one.

Dilanda: Oops, another person to apologize for my lateness to… On vacation! Sorry!

Feye Morgan: Yay! Original! This's gotta be short, though, gotta go, almost out of school already!!


	5. The Means Toward the End

            Escaflowne doesn't belong to me. Neither does Robert Frost's poetry. But I love them both, so it's OK. By the by, if you haven't read The Soul of the Creation yet… What are you doing here??

The Trial 

Chapter 5: The Means Toward the End

_...Oh, some as soon would throw it all  
As throw a part away.  
And some will say all sorts of things,  
But some mean what they say.   
Robert Frost-"Ends"_

            Celena finished her household chores with an uncomfortable worry hovering about her hips. She knew there was something wrong with Dilandau, and if he wasn't telling her… She didn't know what it could be. But she knew in her heart that it was about their past life together. He had said that she would find out… She looked out the window, though the music had stopped. What was happening to him?

            She was sweeping the floor when he walked in. She stopped, looking up at him, begging him with her eyes to tell him what was wrong. He looked back at her, understanding. They had always been able to tell what each other was saying, even without words. Then, sadly, he shook his head. His haunted look told her that, for now, he would deal with this alone.

            The sun was sinking over the hill, and Dilandau retired to his room. The curtains were drawn. They always were. He sat down on his bed, not tired but not wanting to have to wait any longer… This suspense was killing him. 

            As for the plea, he had made his decision. The music had teased it out of him, and there was no other way he could plead, really. He wanted, no, he needed to understand the words of the Doppleganger, and to do that he had to move on with this, and plead not guilty. 

            He lay down, and as if the dream was drawing him in, he fell into sleep.

            He 'woke' in the blue-flame room once more, "I'm back!" he shouted defiantly into the darkness. The flames rose and he was once more in the courtroom, standing next to his foul lawyer. 

            The judge gave him a harsh stare as he walked in.

            "You may be seated…" The bailiff said in an uninflected voice.

            "Show the jury in." the judge sniffed at the bailiff, who did so.

            The accusing eyes stared at Dilandau once more, burning through him with their victim's stares. He thought that their living, pulsing hatred was more frightening than their dead eyes. 

            Zongi looked at Dilandau with nervous eyes, "Did you decide on a plea?" he asked.

            Dilandau nodded, not looking at the worm-pale creature.

            Zongi smiled, "Good. Good. Don't worry, it'll all be all right." 

            At that, Dilandau turned an intense stare at Zongi, as if it was so utterly ridiculous to even say such a thing that it amazed him.

            The judge turned his gaze on Dilandau, the eyes piercing through him, "So… Have you reached a decision about your plea, defendant?" 

            "I have, your honor." he said, returning the piercing gaze. He was about to announce his plea of not guilty when his eyes were drawn to the jury box, and he swept his gaze over all of those people that hated him. He hesitated.

            "Well….?" the judge said impatiently.

            Nervously, Dilandau glanced to his left, seeing Folken standing in the Prosecutor's box. Folken was looking at him, a feral expression on his face. It was not one that Dilandau had seen him adopt in life, and it shook the young man down to the depths of his soul. 

            Dilandau's eyes pulled his neck to the side, and his gaze passed unbidden over the audience. He saw familiar faces there, too. Soldiers from the Zaibach army and- There! His heart stopped when he saw the Dragonslayers clustered at the back of the audience area. Their eyes were haunted and angry, and they stared at him almost as intensely as the jury. 

            Even Shesta's face was creased by a frown, and Jajuka, though his expression was, as always, unreadable, seemed angry. 

            Dilandau shook with the weight of these furious faces on him. He collapsed into his chair. 

            The judge's face was contemptuous, "Not ready to enter a plea?" he said.

            Dilandau felt the clammy hand press against his arm, and there was an immediate assault of odor in his nostrils. 

            But the odor was overpowered by the kindness in the voice that whispered in Dilandau's ear, "You don't have to do this." it said, "You can sleep the rest of this night, and we can start again tomorrow." 

            Dilandau looked up at the judge, the jury and the bailiff. Their eyes were laughing at him. He stood, shaking off the Doppleganger's arm, "No, I can do this." 

            The judge smirked, "So, willing to go on, Mr. Albatou?" 

            Dilandau's eyes flashed, "I am." he paused, "And my name is Schezar." 

            The judge's eyes seemed to warm, though his expression remained harsh, "So what do you plead, Mr. Schezar?" 

            Dilandau stood tall and stared the judge in the eyes, "I plead not guilty." 

            The courtroom remained imperturbably silent.

AUTHOR'S NOTE!: Wow. That took way too long, and ended up being really short… I hope it is up to your expectations. Super update on me!! I graduated! The senior party was really the best part, though. The hypnotism show was worth staying up til 5 AM for. Then I got a new job! For those of you who read my update sheet, I was fired from my old job (Good riddance, what a horrible job it was…) Now I get more money for less work. I get to blow up balloons! Anyhow…. I'm tired and it's late. I'm going to brush my teeth and get some water, and read Akira Kurosawa's autobiography. Thanks all!

But wait, there's more! Reviews, that is…

Feye Morgan: #^-^# You is too nice! As for the bad bad guys… You'll see why they're doing what they're doing sometime. Don't ask too many questions or you'll make me ruin it!! Sorry my update is late. Lots O stuff happened… You just read my pagey and find out…

Etowato: Thanks!! I'm OK, so don't worry! Thanks for waiting, you're a doll!! I love writing banter. It's really fun, so it's not hard at all… In fact, I had to trim the banter cuz it lasted too long.. ^^;; 

Macky: I'm glad you liked it. I hope you like this one even more. You might know some of Robert Frost's poems… He wrote "The Road Not Taken"… You know… "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood/and sorry I could not travel both..." And the end is, "I took the road less traveled by/and that has made all the difference." I'm sure you've heard it. Anyway, I'm updatey the other chapters, too, so check out my other poem snippets.. And thanks! My mouth was feeling a lot better, but then I got spacers… Garg…


	6. Lies, True and Otherwise

            The judge smirked, "So, willing to go on, Mr. Albatou?" 

            Dilandau's eyes flashed, "I am." he paused, "And my name is Schezar." 

            The judge's eyes seemed to warm, though his expression remained harsh, "So what do you plead, Mr. Schezar?" 

            Dilandau stood tall and stared the judge in the eyes, "I plead not guilty." 

            The courtroom remained imperturbably silent.

The Trial

Chapter 6: Lies, True and Otherwise

_Was something brushed across my mind  
That no one on earth will ever find?  
Heaven gives its glimpses only to those  
Not in position to look too close._

_Robert Frost-" A Passing Glimpse"_

            Dilandau was almost entranced by the silence of the courtroom. He was broken from the dead silence that his mind drifted in by a cold, triumphant hand gripping his own. He seemed to hear a loud cheer coming directly from that hand, as if a group of people thought his victory was their own. Shocked, he pulled his hand away, staring at the Doppleganger. 

            The creature's eyes sparked, and it smiled, the expression a strange contortion on its face. Dilandau was still shocked by the strange feeling he had gotten when the Doppleganger held his hand. Was it some sort of strange racial trait that he hadn't encountered before? Still, he felt better when he knew someone supported his decision. He was still reluctant about this entire proceeding, but he felt better to have a kind presence at his side, even if there was a good chance that it was false. 

            The tentative silence of the room was broken by the banging of the gavel on the counter, "All right, then… Prosecution, will you please call your first witness?" 

            Folken stood, languid and menacing in his black lawyer's robes, "The prosecution calls the Dragonslayer Gatty, second-in-command to Dilandau… Schezar." at the last, Folken sent a mocking smirk Dilandau's way. 

            Silently, Gatty rose from the audience, walking up the narrow hallway and throwing the shutter-doors open. He gave Dilandau a sidelong glance as he walked, one that seemed to have no small measure of envy and resentment.

            He took a seat in the witness' box, and gazed more placidly around the courtroom. Folken sashayed around the table, fixing Gatty with a strange look.

            "So, then, Dragonslayer Gatty, Mr. Schezar was your commander, correct?" Folken said, his voice silky.

            "Yes." Gatty answered.

            "How did he treat you?" Folken said quickly.

            "Personally? He was cruel, hard, and abusive." Gatty said matter-of-factly.

            Dilandau didn't bother to be crushed. Somehow he knew that this would happen.

            "How so?" Folken said casually.

            "When we didn't follow his orders correctly, he hit us. When we did follow his orders correctly, he still hit us." He stared at Dilandau, a challenge in his eyes. 

            Dilandau wasn't truly paying attention to the goings on around him. He was thinking through all the memories he had of his soldiers. Through the years since he finally 'recovered' his other self, he had tried to cling to the memories that had given him happiness, and not the ones that had upset him. Perhaps that was a foolish thing to do, because though Dilandau had, as a child, practically worshipped these soldiers who had been below him, and though he knew that Dilandau… that he had loved them more than anything, as much as his creators had let him love… He realized that his soldiers must have hated him.

            Folken smirked at Dilandau's silence, "Dragonslayer Gatty, can you tell me what happened on the day you died?" he said with a semblance of sweetness.

            At that, Dilandau snapped to attention. His eyes were wide. Those words, '…the day you died…' They affected him more than anything in the rest of this dream had. Because the spirits of this dream were self-aware, that meant that they perhaps… No. They couldn't be the same as the spirits of his friends… Could they?

            Gatty didn't pause long enough for Dilandau to get his thoughts together, "Dilandau called us to the meeting room. We were supposed to be waiting for the dragon to come to the Vione. But he told us to suit up, that only fools and cowards waited for the enemy to come to them." 

            "So, he told you to disobey your orders?" Folken said casually.

            "Objection!" shouted Zongi, standing, "This is not a military tribunal. The orders are inconsequential." 

            "But your honor…" Folken retorted, affecting surprise, "The mental state of the people involved is directly affected by the orders given by the defendant, and whether they were in conflict with the orders of officers higher up in the echelon." 

            "Objection overruled. Answer the question." The judge said.

            "Yes, he told us to disobey our orders…" Gatty paused, giving Dilandau a significant and long look, "He always said that we should follow his orders, and not the orders of his superiors. He said that HE was our commander, and they were nothing. He expected us to be loyal to only him." 

            "And were you?" asked Folken.

            "Outwardly." Gatty answered, "We always reported first to him, and tried to make it seem as if he was the only one we heeded." 

            "I see." Folken said, smiling, "So what happened on that day?" 

            "He told us to suit up, and so we did. We didn't want to make him mad." Gatty said, "Then we went after the dragon. We thought we could beat him, but we were wrong. Dilandau didn't tell us to retreat, he must have been going crazy…"

            "Objection, your honor, opinions and conclusions." Zongi said, "He's not an expert."

            "Sustained," the judge said briefly. 

            "So, Dilandau never told you to retreat…"

            "No, he never did." Gatty repeated. 

            "And when you engaged the dragon, no one survived?" Folken asked.

            "No one but Dilandau. He cut through us in no time." Gatty said.

            "No further questions, your honor." Folken said, feeling assured in his victory. 

            The judge nodded and then turned to Zongi, "You would like to cross-examine the witness, I assume?" he asked.

            "Yes, your honor." Zongi said.

            "Very well." the judge said. 

            Zongi stood, sweeping over awkwardly in his robes, "You say that none of you survived, correct?" he asked.

            Gatty nodded.

            "And you died as well, right?"

            "Yes." said Gatty, frowning.

            Zongi nodded as if he was considering this very hard. "So, he killed you all very quickly, right?" 

            "Yes."

            "You said, 'in no time', I believe." 

            "Right." 

            Zongi trained his large eyes on Gatty, "And how about you, when did you die?" 

            "Me?" Gatty said, taken aback, "I died… pretty early on." he said with a sigh.

            "I see. How early, would you say?"

            Gatty's head sank, "Just a few minutes into the battle." he muttered.

            Zongi's pointed ears twitched, "What was that again?" he asked.

            "I said…" Gatty started, louder, "About thirty seconds into the battle." 

            "Hmm…" Zongi said, "I see. So, you were one of the first to die, then?" he asked.

            Gatty nodded, defeated.

            "In that case," Zongi finished, "It's understandable that the order to retreat may have been given, but you were no longer alive to hear it, is that so?" he said, almost kindly, as if he was sympathetic with the boy. Dilandau blinked, and so perhaps he was. After all, death was probably something that only the dead could relate to.

            Gatty, not looking at the doppelganger, nodded once.

            "No further questions, your honor." Zongi said with a faint smile.

            When Zongi sat down, he gave Dilandau a small victorious smile. 

            Dilandau smiled back, almost sincere. He was still shaken. Gatty had practically been his right-hand man. Dilandau knew he could never have let someone be so close to him, the way he was before, and Gatty was almost there. In a way, Gatty had been his only friend. Part of him felt betrayed at the testimony Gatty had given, but part of him felt vindicated because Zongi had devalued that testimony. 

            As Gatty left the stand, he gave Dilandau a stare of cold hatred and frustration, as if he had waited all this time since he died to stick it to Dilandau, and Zongi had robbed him of that right. The look that Dilandau gave back was nothing but pity and sadness.

            Coldly, Gatty ignored him, and sat back down in the audience without a second glance. Dilandau settled down into his chair, waiting for the judge to begin the proceedings again.

            The hall outside the courtroom was empty but for the five smoky figures that stood in a close circle just in front of the doorway. The room was bathed in bluish shadow, and the ring of darkness that was around them seemed to be kept at bay by nothing more than their wills.

            A voice rang out clearly in the darkness, "He has passed the first test." said True. The tone of his voice seemed strained, as if it was a physical battle that he had just lost.

            "It seems so." spoke Gaze, as if he was trying to clear a distaste from his voice, "The small modicum of trust that he has given to his lawyer has allowed the creature the ability to perform well, and root out the flaw in the testimony."

            "However," chimed in Shy, "the next one will be more difficult, and the trust he has in his attorney is not yet matured." 

            Last nodded sagely, "He may still succumb. We must be prepared for it." his voice sounded faintly like desperate hunger. 

            "There are yet many more challenges…" said Care, "Many more chances for him to give way." 

            There was a simultaneous nod and a general stiffening of resolve, and their circle tightened as they watched the center. The dimness around them seemed to thicken with the force of their wills. And their cycle began again.

Author's note: I hope it doesn't all seem too obtuse. (frets) I try to make everything as easy to understand as possible, but I always feel like I'm writing over people's heads. Not about the law, though… I'm sure you realize that there's something going on in the courtroom that's only hinted to. (I hope no one guesses!!) Only I know what the eventual outcome will be. (grins evilly) I hope you all are enjoying the ride though!!

            OK! If anyone noticed, I changed Chapter 3 in the middle of writing this chapter. If anyone wants to tell me what the change is, and why, they'll get a special prize! Prize is yet to be determined, mostly because I'm pretty sure no one will get it. Email me at DragonGirl17@AOL.com if you think you've got the answer. 

            Also, I got braces on and they really hurt. I think, though, that I'll be OK for writing the next chapter. I tell you this because I believe all you care about is your next fix, and not my general well-being. ;_; Wahh. 

But wait, there's more reviews!!

BlueAloe: Yeah.. The reason the chapter was centered was because I screwed up ^^;;. I have to write the HTML on my own, and sometimes I screw up and forget to check it. I fixed it, though… Anyhow, when I'm really worried and uncomfortable, it certainly feels like that to me.(like the worry is hovering around my hips…) Plus, I'm sick of all those old metaphors. Thought I'd make up some of my own… Anyhow, yeah, graduation feels a hell of a lot better than being just before graduating did. Thanks for the congrats!

dilanda: Yes, why yes, I did have to end it there. Hope I updated fast enough for ya!

Macky: I put 'em in this chapter just for you! Feel special! Yeah, it was sort of obvious he'd plead not guilty, but maybe if I'm not too sick of the idea, after I finish I'll write an alternate universe where he pleads guilty. It'll be a challenge for me, anyhow. I bet I could get it to its eventual ending even if he did plead guilty. Hehe!

Eboni: I know! That's why I wrote the story, because I was so mad that they had just chucked such an interesting character. It's unlikely that there'll be any more Escaflowne, although many will be happy to know that Tokyopop picked up the rights to one of the Escaflowne Manga, and it's coming out in, I believe November. Some will be unhappy to know that it's just plain not a very good manga, and Dilandau's way different. (Be happy though, he's not even in the other manga series, only Celena is…)

Etowato: I'm sorry your review wasn't posted. I'm sure it was the sagest thing you've ever written. But you don't have to wait long for the next chapter, cuz here it is!!


	7. Timid No Longer

            The night went by as it usually did, slowly. Most people can not tell how slowly the night passes, but in his dream, Dilandau felt every moment of it. Perhaps the clock on the wall was right, it read 10:00. Dilandau had gone to bed at 9:30. The night was passing very slowly indeed. 

            Dilandau was broken from his short foray of thought by the voice of the judge, "Do you have any more witnesses, Prosecutor?" he asked Folken lazily.

            "Yes, your honor." Folken said, "I call Dragonslayer Shesta to the stand."

The Trial

Chapter 7: Timid No Longer

_He is that fallen lance that lies as hurled,  
That lies unlifted now, come dew, come rust,  
But still lies pointed as it plowed the dust.  
If we who sight along it round the world,  
See nothing worthy to have been its mark,  
It is because like men we look too near,  
Forgetting that as fitted to the sphere,  
Our missiles always make too short an arc.  
They fall, they rip the grass, they intersect  
The curve of earth, and striking, break their own;  
They make us cringe for metal-point on stone.  
But this we know, the obstacle that checked  
And tripped the body, shot the spirit on  
Further than the target ever showed or shone.  
Robert Frost- "The Soldier"_

            "Can you state your name for the court?" Folken asked the thin young man as he sat down.

            "Yes." Shesta said, "My name's Shesta." He shifted nervously in his chair. 

            "You were a soldier under Dilandau, right?" Folken asked.

            "Yes." The blonde head nodded.

            "And how did he treat you?" Folken asked kindly.

            Shesta trembled, but with a valiant effort, met Folken's eyes, "He was very brutal. Towards me and the other weaker boys. He hit us almost constantly."

            Folken nodded, "Hmmm." he said.

            "I mean," Shesta started loudly, "I thought it was because we weren't trying, but even when we tried harder, even when we started to be great soldiers, He still hit us!" Shesta buried his face in his hands. 

            Folken made a clucking sound with his tongue, "It's all right, son… Now… It's OK." he said.

            Shesta sniffed, "He was never supportive of us. He never told us we were doing well. He only berated us, and hit us. We all knew he HATED us." he hadn't taken his head out of his hands. But the muffled lines that he spoke cut straight into Dilandau.

            Dilandau stood up, ignoring a warning glance from his lawyer. He fixed his gaze on Shesta, who was staring at him through a curtain of tears, and though the entire rest of the courtroom was staring mildly at him as well, he paid them no mind.

            "Mr. Schezar…" warned the judge.

            "You're lying." Dilandau said in a scratchy voice, "You're lying." He repeated, his voice clearer, "That's a LIE!" 

            The judge rapped his gavel against the counter, "Mr. Schezar! If you don't settle down, I'll put you in chains for contempt of-"

            "Yeah." Shesta interrupted suddenly, ignoring the judge, who stared indignantly at him, "I lied…" surprisingly, he was smiling. It was a strange smile, one without pity, "He didn't hate us." 

            "Your honor…" started Zongi, "Perjury…?"

            But the judge shook his head, still staring at Shesta, amazed at his audacity. Perjury was obviously no matter in this case.

            Shesta continued, "He didn't hate us…" he said angrily, "But he may as well have for what he did to us." 

            Folken was eager to regain the control of the situation, "What did he do?"

            "He killed us. He told us to go out there, then he stood back and just watched us die." Shesta seemed angry enough to spit.

            Dilandau saw this… this thing masquerading as Shesta, and he didn't know what to think. As he sat back in a horrified awe at the enmity radiating from one of the kindest of his Dragonslayers, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and jumped.

            "Death changes us all…" whispered Zongi's cold voice. The scent came strong and Dilandau resisted the urge to hold his nose. 

            "He can't be the same… person." Dilandau replied, shaken, "He's so angry." 

            "Don't worry. Trust me. I can show the jury the kind of person he was, and his feeling for you then." 

            Dilandau wasn't sure he'd be able to believe that. The Shesta that was stared hungrily at him, his eyes predatory. 

            Folken interposed himself between Shesta and Dilandau, drawing Shesta's attention back to him, "What happened, exactly, on the day you died?" he asked brusquely. 

            Shesta gave him a petulant look, but sighed and began to recount his version of what had happened, "Dilandau told us to suit up, while we were all eating breakfast that morning. We did, we always did what he told us to." he said bitterly, "So when we finally faced the dragon, he started to just slice through everyone. First it was Guimel, then Gatty over there. So, at that point, Dilandau must have realized that since the dragon had already killed two of his high-ranking officers in the first thirty seconds of the battle, that maybe we had underestimated him." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

            "So what did you do then?" Folken prompted, obviously unimpressed by Shesta's animosity and somewhat annoyed that he had to deal with such a difficult witness.

            "He told us to turn on our stealth cloaks. But after a moment, the dragon saw through them, and he started to kill everyone again. It was probably a few moments later that I saw that Dilandau and I were the only ones left. I thought that maybe, just maybe he would get into the battle instead of just standing there and panting and sweating and shaking… But no. That was when I died." Shesta crossed his arms and stared Dilandau down once more.

            "So." Folken said, relieved that he was nearly finished, "Because Dilandau was negligent in ordering you to that battle, and because of the fact that he didn't fight, you were killed?"

            Shesta nodded, and the smile on his face twisted.

            "No further questions." Folken said, turning away from the judge with a slightly bored expression and unconsciously brushing off his trailing sleeve.

            Zongi gave Dilandau a glance, filled with import. Dilandau frowned back at him, not understanding the meaning of the gaze. 

            "Do you wish to cross-examine the witness?" the judge asked.

            "Yes, sir, just one moment while I confer with my client." Zongi said, and then he leaned down to speak with Dilandau.

            Dilandau felt the resurgence of the scent of the Doppleganger coming towards him along with the face, and the strange expression upon it. He was abruptly afraid that the creature would use its power on him.

            "I can't tell you how important this is, Dilandau." the creature said, its face earnest, "I mean…" he paused, looking torn, "Look. I won't let anything happen to you, all right? It's very important that you trust me." 

            Dilandau felt that there was yet again something underneath the outer meaning, something that he wasn't understanding. He tried to plumb the depths of Zongi's great eyes, but came up with nothing. He glanced over at Shesta, who hadn't ceased with his hungry smile. 

            "You have to trust me." Zongi said again.

            Dilandau, though he wasn't sure what it meant, nodded, "All right." he said nervously, "I'll leave it to you." 

            The doppelganger smiled, "Good." he said, "Good." he repeated once more. He stood and faced the judge, "I'm ready, your honor." 

            "Carry on, Defense." the judge said, rubbing his temple.

            "Shesta, was it?" Zongi asked, walking out onto the floor. 

            Shesta nodded.

            "Of course. How could I forget?" he asked, smiling, "Now, you said that Dilandau hurt you, correct?" 

            Shesta flicked his teeth with his thumb, affecting boredom, "Yeah." he said, "Every day." 

            "He hit you every day?" 

            "No." Shesta said, "But he told us how useless and pathetic we were every day that he didn't hit us." He gazed mildly at the lawyer.

            "So…" Zongi hesitated, "Let's talk about the day you died. I wasn't there, how many people were there?" 

            Shesta's face perked up, as if he was interested in where this was going, "Thirteen, not counting him," he said, gesturing toward Dilandau.

            "Let the record show that the witness pointed to the defendant, please." Zongi said offhandedly, "So, how was your formation, exactly?" he asked, "How were you situated around the dragon?"

            Shesta looked thoughtful, "Well, we were situated in a circle around him, then in waves. There were three waves."

            "And you were in the last wave, along with Dilandau, right?" 

            "Yes." Shesta said nervously, "I was."

            "The last wave to fight, correct, the wave that was going to finally kill the dragon if the other waves didn't succeed, right?" 

            Shesta shifted in his chair, "That's what was said…" he said.

            "Dilandau liked that kind of formation, right? He liked to have the best soldiers fight last so that if the other waves failed, there was always a backup." Zongi said. 

            Dilandau was for a moment amazed. It wasn't necessarily the most effective strategy, trying to explain away his cowardice using battle tactics, but it was quite inventive of him. He was impressed that Zongi knew so much about him, and was using it in such a way. 

            It could have been his imagination, but as Dilandau thought such a compliment, he thought he saw Zongi glance at him with a glint in his eye. 

            He walked around the witness box a few times, and with each pass Shesta seemed to become more nervous. It seemed that Zongi was about to deal the final blow. 

            "So… Shesta, you say you were the last to die, right?" he finally said.

            Guardedly, Shesta replied, "Yes…" 

            "So, what exactly happened?" Zongi said, his face seeming unnaturally kind.

            Shesta frowned nervously, and then went ahead, "I was distracted, sort of, looking around, trying to see where he was…"

            "Where who was?" the lawyer asked.

            "The dragon." Shesta clarified, "And then suddenly, he was in front of me, and the sword was in me, and then…" he shivered uncontrollably for a moment, but got himself under control, "I tasted blood, and then… I died."

            Zongi nodded, "You know, Shesta, there's such a thing as lying by omission."

            "Huh?" Shesta said, seeming like he was genuinely confused.

            "In other words, there's one thing you left out of your account." Zongi said.

            Shesta said nothing, merely giving Zongi a confused and somewhat quizzical look.

            "Could you tell me, please, what were your last words?" Zongi said.

            "They were… I was calling for Lord Dilandau…" the young man said, as if he was only just realizing he had.

            "Lord Dilandau, now is it?" Zongi said. 

            "Yeah.." Shesta said, and his fingertips brushed his lips, as if he was trying to make sure he had said it.

            "One last question, Master Shesta. When you called out for Dilandau, why did you do it?" Zongi said, his face shining.

            Shesta still seemed completely amazed, surprised by this recovered memory, "I… I was afraid. We were all gone, and we couldn't protect him. I was afraid that he'd die." he looked up at Zongi, his eyes shining with tears.

            "No further questions," And Zongi went back to his seat.

            Dazed, Shesta was led back to his seat by the bailiff. Dilandau was somewhat surprised to note that the other Dragonslayers did little more than move aside so that he could sit back down, even Gatty. Perhaps he wasn't as bad off as he thought.

            As Shesta sat back down, Dilandau turned to Zongi, unable to dampen his amazement, "How did you know that?" he asked slowly, "How in the world did you know that?" his voice almost rose to an audible range, he could not keep it down.

            Zongi merely smiled a very secretive smile, "Trust can do some amazing things." he replied, settling down into his chair. 

            Outside the room, there was a general mumble of consensus. 

           "He must be beginning to trust his lawyer a great amount." Gaze said thoughtfully, and perhaps with a bit of revulsion. 

            Shy sighed wearily, "Yes, this time he broke through our illusion." 

            True put a hand on Shy's shoulder, "We will continue." he said stolidly.

            "This next witness will be more difficult to combat, I think." Care said, setting his will to the task. 

            "Let us keep our resolve." Last said supportively, "We will succeed, even this shows us that we will. It behooves us to be patient, we have been for a very long while." 

             So they tightened their circle, freeing their minds to sit in the middle of it and watch… Watch for the breakthrough they knew would come: Their chance to change Dilandau's life once again. 

Author's Note: YAY! Happy birthday to me!! It's my birthday today, June 17, 2003, and I thought I'd update this as a present to myself! And to all of you, of course. I expect love for this! Anyhow, my braces feel better, and I've got Chapter 8 all planned, you'll see. Anyhow, I hope you all liked this chapter!

And here's the people who liked the last chapter! (Not too many, since I updateyd so fast…)

Eboni: I know it was harsh, but I wanted it to be that way. The people who are in charge of this trial want to shock Dilandau, and test his will. Later on you'll see why, of course. I know, I know… But it'll all even out in the end.. As for Zongi's lawyering abilities, it's all me. Thanks!! Actually, it's the result of me putting a tragic flaw in each testimony, for Zongi to exploit. Also the result of watching too much Law and Order. Gundam Wing mangas are great. I love Episode Zero. You should read Magic Knight Rayearth, it is so excellent…

Etowato: Really? You think that?? I dunno, I haven't read many Dilandau fanfictions, other than the ones written by the people on Fate's Toy, so I'm a bit sheltered. I just write Dilandau as a character the way I see him, and the way he's changed since The Soul of the Creation. It's just the way the character is, and I can't see seeing him any other way.

Feye Morgan: Hi! Ok, fine, her review makes up for your pitiable lack of review-ness. But I wanna see mucho mucho reviews for this chapter!! And her fave character is Moleman?? Hmm… That's…. different. But I suppose I can't knock anyone's preferences. He sure is an interesting old fellow, that Moleman… ^-^


	8. Circle Dance

            Aha! No pre-story junk this time, just a note from the author. Decided to take a little break from writing about the Trial, too bad this chapter will be ten times harder than that to write. Anyhow! Pay lots of attention to this chapter!

The Trial

Chapter 8: Circle Dance

_We dance around in a ring and suppose,  
But the secret sits in the middle and knows.  
Robert Frost - "The Secret Sits"_

            This created world was misty, dim and blurred around the edges. As the five figures stood in a circle, sometimes shifting, sometimes breathing deeply and shortly, the world around them shifted and moved in time to their heartbeats, living only through them.

            The figures were not noteworthy themselves. They were quite uninteresting, being of varying sizes, all tall, and clad in long night-black cloaks. The cloaks reached to the floor, clinging to it like the mist that eddied lazily around them. Their hoods were up, obscuring any facial features with shadow, making it impossible to distinguish them except for by the tones of their voices. The sleeves of those cloaks reached to below their thin, fine hands, hands perhaps made more fine by the passage of time in the land of the dead.

            Yes, they were dead, casualties of the Zaibach war, killed in that eventual collapse of the empire that had set its sights on domination. They had been its tools, even if they thought that they were not, and when it disappeared, they were no longer needed. 

            Perhaps that is what led them, after the pain of their death, to go back and concentrate on the one thing they felt they had succeeded with during their lives, the one creature they had concentrated the most of their wills on. It must have been a surprise to them to find that he had changed in ways they did not expect, ways they did not like. 

            That was what had spurred them, after years of waiting, to reach back into the world of the living and try to bring back to Dilandau that which they had once known in him. It was a measure of their changed-ness and secrecy that they themselves did not know exactly which traits of the old Dilandau they wished to bring back to the surface. 

            In watching him now, they saw hints of the cocky soldier they had known so well. Past the physical, inside, there were traits he could not lose, a way of  moving, speaking, the way he held his hands when he talked.  But there were traits that were strange to them, a softness to his eyes, a strange emotion. The boy they had known showed nothing but fear, anger, and most often, irritation. They had watched him often enough to observe this. 

            They stood around in a circle, but what could be called their consciousnesses were submerged in the center of the circle, where an orb competed with the blue flames to give light to the room. The orb was not a light itself, it was merely a reflection of light, because in its depths shone the scene that played out beyond the doors. 

            The orb showed Dilandau, sitting slumped nervously in the defendant's chair, looking much the same as when they saw him last. His left hand was supporting his chin, and his index finger was lightly, idly, stroking the scar that he shared with his former self. Although the circle of silent watchers had only known his face that way for a few months, the Dilandau before them had had this selfsame scar for three years, since the near-miss he had with Van Fanel after regaining his memories. The watchers knew that he had nearly killed or been killed himself, and the only thing that had shocked him from his rage had been the wound that was the source of that scar. 

            Aside from the new significance of the seemingly old scar, he was the same, which added to their excitement in seeing him. 

            "Oh, I wish we could…" Shy started, his voice a tune of woeful longing.

            "But we mustn't." True said sharply, "We must prepare him first. We must make sure we can still affect him."

            "Of course we can." Last said in a rumbling voice, "We've always been able to before."

            "That's the key…" Gaze said, "Before, we could. Now, it's not so easy, is it?" the lilting sarcasm in the voice echoed in the darkened room.

            "Shh.." Care said, "No one can say whether we can or can't but him." 

            "Yes." Gaze said, "It's never so hard as to affect him personally, like now. It was easy enough, before, but now you know how difficult things are on this side."

            "Them." Shy said softly, and it was assumed by all that he was speaking of those who inhabited the world of the living, "They're so strange. Were we really like them then?" 

            There was a long pause, as they thought back to that long long ago when they still lived. 

            "No." True said, breaking the silence, "We were never like them." There was a soft note of sadness there. It echoed around the room, and for a moment laid on the figures, as heavy as if it were truly there.

            "Are we doing right?" Care whispered.

            Gaze's eyes flitted to the figures of his brethren, "Of course we are!" he said, though his voice shivered with doubt, "We can't allow him to stay this way, he is our responsibility. We helped create him, and he'll never return to greatness if we don't help him!" 

            There was a stony silence.

            "We've waited so long!" Gaze shouted, desperate.

            "Quiet." Last replied, "We can't turn back now. It's irrelevant to argue." 

            A sigh of acquiescence passed like a wind around the room, and they set their minds again to the task of preparing the next witness. The orb between them gaped and rolled, the picture within it tossed aside as the five prepared their minds for another war. 

Author's note: Oh, gad… That was harder than I thought it'd be… Of course, the writing aside, it was hard for me to find time to do it. I've got a convention coming up July 4-5-6 and I needed to get my costumes ready, so I've been working really hard. So that's why this is not only a late chapter, but an almost pitifully short chapter. I hope to have Chapter 9 come out on time, don't ya know...

            By the by, my birthday was rather lame, as some of you know. I got in a terrible car accident, and didn't get to do much of anything fun. No one was hurt but my car was trashed, and that was partly why this was late.. (the other part was my laziness… ^_~)

  
And now... Reboos! Revoos! Erm... Ah... Oh yes! Reviews!!   
  


Eboni: You can join if you wanna, it's fun. Anyone join, though most of the people who read this fic are already on it, and they're the ones who forced me to join. It's over here . I didn't realize that Shesta's testimony would be much different from Gatty's. I'm glad that people liked it though.. ^-^. And the beauty of this fic is that anyone could be anyone, and it's ALL an illusion. I'm welcoming guesses!

Etowato: It wasn't as happy as I'd've liked, as you already know… It better work out in the end, or I'll have written all this for nothing!! Just joking. Evil influences are evil, to be sure. Yeah, I characterized Shesta all funny, but there are clues as to the influence everyplace, you just have to look. 

Feye Morgan: (is covered in confetti, grinning) Yayy!! I'm glad you liked it! As for Zongi, like he said, he's only doing his job. I actually felt sort of bad for him, when you get to see his past and all. Poor guy. Poor Dopplegangers in general. I'm not starting a support group or anything, but they sure do get a bad rap. Can't they be? Hmmm… Well we'll see. Of course I'll write more! If ever I stop, you may deluge my inbox with emails until you get a valid reason. (Note: Laziness is not a valid reason)

BlueAloe: Yeah?? Really? I'm so happy! (Pauses) I mean, not happy that you almost cried, but happy that my fic is affecting people! I try my best to write the best words I can. #^-^# Hehe! The sorcerers? Maybe this chapter will clear that up, but probably it'll just make it more difficult to understand. Thanks! It wasn't too happy, as you can see by my author's note… And I want some qualifications about Mole Man. Why, exactly, do you like him??

Another Cat Girl: (blushes) You should watch Law and Order, it's awesome!! Oh, I do know where I'm going, I've known since the start. (chuckles evilly) Oh, good, I'd been afraid that I was mischaracterizing Dilandau… It's certainly hard to write any other Dilandau fic while I'm writing this one, I always make him all nice… I'm glad you like my lawyers! I was afraid at first. I just wish I'd had more chance to characterize them. Original is good, and hard. You should wait till the end to tell me that, you never know what's going to happen… The braces are better now, and I lost some weight! Graduating was easy, it's college will be hard.

Macky: Yay! Pace! I dunno… All the dragonslayers is a LOT of work. I think I'll just have some of the more interesting ones, for sure. If you noticed in Chapter 3, there was a list of witnesses, but I was overestimating myself, there were TONS of witnesses. There will definitely be less than that. Sorry about my update being late… 


	9. The Lasting Scars of Memory

            Dilandau felt a cold prickle on his skin. For some reason, he felt as if someone was watching him. He turned about, but all he could see was the placid eyes of the audience behind him. Suddenly aware of the passage of time, his eyes then snapped to the clock. It was already 1:00, which was strange. He realized that time passed differently here, in great spurts if it wanted to. He also understood, subtly, that something wanted him to change his train of thought, that something had drawn his mind away from thoughts of invisible eyes looking at him. The fact that he knew this made him smug, but also frightened him. But he didn't have much time to be afraid.

            "Prosecution, call your next witness." the judge said.

            "Yes, your honor. I'll call…" and Folken sent a glance of smug poison towards Zongi, "Dragonslayer Jajuka."

The Trial

Chapter 9: The Lasting Scars of Memory 

_They leave us so to the way we took,  
As two in whom they were proved mistaken,  
That we sit sometimes in the wayside nook,  
With mischievous, vagrant, seraphic look,  
And _try_ if we cannot feel forsaken.  
Robert Frost - "In Neglect"_

            Jajuka rose to his feet, walking slowly forward through the swinging doors. He seated himself in the witness box, and stared placidly back at Folken. 

            Dilandau was wary. Of all the Dragonslayers, it was Jajuka who he would most expect to still be on his side, but of course, who knew what was happening to them?  Shesta, it seemed, had been controlled from behind the scenes, and caused to forget for a moment how he felt about Dilandau. Or perhaps it was just this time in the world of the dead. How long had they been dead? It must be almost thirty years… But of course, it could also be that the creatures on the stand were just figments of the dream world. Dilandau decided not to think about it. At the very least, Jajuka could not accuse him of being responsible for his death. He had chosen to die himself.

            "Please state your name for the court." Folken said, repeating the obligatory first statement.

            "Jajuka." came Jajuka's deep voice.

            Folken nodded, "And you were one of Dilandau's last Dragonslayers?" 

            "I was the very last one." Jajuka said.

            "Right, of course." Folken said, and he paced for a moment in front of the witness box, "Can you summarize your duties when you were under Dilandau?"

            "I was in charge of every duty at that time." Jajuka said.

            "To what extent?" Folken said, conversationally.

            "Everything. I fed Lord Dilandau, cared for him, made sure he didn't get into trouble." Jajuka said, "At that point, he was seriously disturbed." 

            "Oh, really?" Folken said, unsurprised, "Why?"

            "Objection, your honor!" Zongi said, "That's an opinion!"

            "Sustained."

            "Right." Folken said, "Well, then, what in his life had happened that could cause him to be disturbed so?" he said, mockingly.

            "The death of the other Dragonslayers, I assume." Jajuka said. 

            "I see." Folken said, "So, he was practically unable to care for himself, is that correct?"

            "Very much so. He was prone to extremely long fits of catatonia, and he would start shaking and be unable to stop." Jajuka said, without a trace of pity or emotion.

            Dilandau himself was able to remember very little of that time, and despite himself was waiting on the edge of his seat to hear more about this lost time of his. All he could remember was Jajuka's kindness, really, nothing about his day-to-day life.

            "So Jajuka, tell me something?" Folken said, "How was it that you came to care for and fight for Dilandau if you were never in military service before?"

            Dilandau sat up for a moment. Jajuka was a civilian? Well… Of course he would be, Dilandau thought in retrospect, Beast-men weren't allowed in the military, least of all the Zaibach military.

            But Jajuka continued, and the courtroom listened intently, "I was in the service of the Zaibach madoushi." he said, "They trained me to serve with Dilandau."

           Dilandau's senses reeled. Jajuka, who was his only friend at the time of his 'death', serving the madoushi? Of course, hindsight made it painfully obvious, but it still shocked him to the point that he almost didn't hear Folken's next question. 

            "So, you served with Dilandau for what purpose?" 

            "I was trained to give him support and monitor him." Jajuka said.

            Folken nodded thoughtfully, "Now, we know you were ordered to do this, but did you have any ulterior motive? Any reason you would particularly want to serve under Dilandau?" 

            Dilandau's eyes turned to Jajuka, who mirrored his gaze and then turned away, "I did…" He paused, "In my youth, I was the only caretaker of a large group of children kept in the madoushi's labs. As the years went by, many of them…" he swallowed, "Died. Only one survived." 

            "What does this have to do with Dilandau?" Folken asked, though he already knew the answer.

            "The last to survive was a girl named Celena." Jajuka said.

            The terrible truth dawned slowly on Dilandau.

            "So the personal reason you were supervising Dilandau was….?" Folken asked.

            "Because I still hoped to release Celena from within him." Jajuka said, "I knew that this…" he gestured vaguely at Dilandau, "this shell could be shed, and Celena would return."

            Dilandau didn't see the gesture, but he knew what it meant. 

            He could only very vaguely hear Folken intone, "Let the record show that the witness pointed to the defendant. No further questions…" 

            But the courtroom had disappeared to Dilandau. He had retreated into himself, poring over his misty memories of that time. Jajuka had been the only one he could cling to, Jajuka had been his only friend. And yet nothing he had said or did, no kindness he had given Dilandau could not be explained away by the underlying desire to help Celena. His eyes blurred with tears, but he was no longer paying attention. 

            Zongi felt the presence next to him go cold, the way someone felt when one of his kind had taken their spirit. He turned to Dilandau, who had slumped over in his seat, eyes wide and sightless. His wide eyes went even wider, and he dug his cold fingers into Dilandau's skin, as hard as he could. 

            "No!" he shouted, trying to pierce the obstinate wall Dilandau had erected over his senses, "You can't!" He took Dilandau's shoulders and shook him hard, "They won't give up, so you can't!" he said desperately.

           The world around began to shift into whiteness, and Zongi shook Dilandau even harder, "You can't give up!" he said, his voice cracking.

            But Dilandau was, for the moment, beyond him. He felt strangely unlike himself at the moment, and as he searched frantically through the memories he had of Jajuka for one kindness that wasn't directed to the dormant personality within him, he felt himself drifting away, almost as if into sleep. 

            The voices he heard were distant, and he tried to drift away into the darkness that those terrible dark figures had told him not to approach. He felt the coolness growing closer to him, and shook off the fingers of doubt that trailed him.

            But then a clear voice shot through the strange darkness that Dilandau so wanted to escape to. 

            A soft, unassuming voice, "You wouldn't leave them behind, would you?" there was a pause, "Your mother and your friends." Dilandau thought he almost recognized the voice, but he couldn't place it in his confused state. 

            Dilandau, or what he had let himself become, paused. That pause was enough for the natural pull of his supposed body to bring him back to where he had sat. He opened his eyes, and saw relief in the eyes of Zongi. 

            Looking around, he noted that the rest of the courtroom didn't seem to have noticed anything had happened. But Zongi took his face in one cold hand, and forced Dilandau to look at him, their faces inches apart.

            His eyes still had a glint of fear in them, "You must never do that again." he said, in short pants, "In this place… It is very easy to let yourself go over to…" he paused, "There is no protection between this," he lifted Dilandau's hand, "your soul, and the world around you. The only thing that keeps you in a body is perception. You perceive that you have a body, and that keeps you from floating around the room like a cloud." He sighed.

            "What do you mean?" Dilandau said, despite his desolation and confusedness he was eager to find out more about this world. 

            "Nothing…" Zongi said, "Nothing… Just keep yourself concentrating on the 'real' world, OK?" 

            The strange kindness reflecting in Zongi's overlarge eyes caused Dilandau to nod sadly, and then turn his eyes back to the rest of the room. As if at a signal, they resumed motion. 

            The judge looked impatiently down at Zongi, "Do you wish to cross-examine or not?" he asked, as if the pause in proceedings had been exclusively Zongi's fault. 

            "I will cross-examine the witness, sir." Zongi said. He turned to Dilandau, and at that moment, Dilandau felt the memory of Shesta's testimony rising to the surface of his mind. The look of import in Zongi's eyes made Dilandau realize what the forced memory meant. Zongi wanted to reiterate the importance of trust in this trial. Dilandau nodded somberly, and Zongi took on a look of determination. 

            He stood and walked slowly up to the witness, all the time staring at him thoughtfully. He seemed to be ferreting out the weaknesses in Jajuka's testimony merely by looking at him. 

            Jajuka, to his credit, merely stared straight forward without a trace of nervousness on his face. This could have been due to his nonhuman heritage, but for some reason, Dilandau believed that it had to be some great strength within him. 

            After a silence that seemed to stretch far longer than it actually did, Zongi spoke, "Jajuka, according to your testimony, the ONLY reason you wished to serve under Dilandau was not because of any concern for him, but only the underlying soul Celena, is that true?" he asked.

            "Yes." Jajuka said briefly.

            "You are under oath." Zongi said, cocking his head.

            "I know this." Jajuka intoned.

            Zongi nodded, as if he had merely been informing Jajuka of the fact, in case he had forgotten, "So how did you feel about the boy Dilandau?" he asked.

            Jajuka frowned fiercely in Dilandau's direction, "I was disgusted by him."

            "Why is that, Jajuka?" Zongi asked kindly.

            "He was a violent creature, totally without empathy. He only cared about himself. He was the complete opposite of Celena. I didn't care about him, I only helped him stay alive to keep my hope that Celena would come back." 

            "When you say you didn't care about Dilandau, which Dilandau do you mean?" Zongi asked.

            Jajuka's face showed surprise for a moment, but he quickly stifled it, "I don't know what you mean." his gruff voice spoke.

            "Well of course you know that the Dilandau here is not the same Dilandau as the one you served under!" the doppelganger said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "He lived for fifteen years without knowing the truth of his other self, without seeing all the memories of the life he once lived. And of course by the time they came back, he was a different person. You can't tell me that you didn't look in on him, at least once." 

            Jajuka looked away.

            "Perhaps you meant to look in on Celena. But you can't deny, that kind little girl raised a kind little boy." Zongi said, as if in a whisper.

            Jajuka raised a furry fist and banged it against the table, "The boy was a terrible menace!" he said, his voice thundering against the walls.

            "Does that mean he still is?" Zongi said, quietly but with equal force to his voice.

            Jajuka looked lost for a moment, his eyes empty but searching.

            "Well?" Zongi said.

            "I… don't know." Jajuka said, holding his face in his large hands. 

            "You told the truth yourself, when you unconsciously said 'was'." Zongi said, pressing a hand to the cold counter that Jajuka sat behind.

            Jajuka looked ill at ease, and turned away from Zongi's accusing eyes. 

            "No further questions." Zongi said with an accompanying slap of the counter. He walked slowly back to his seat, and smiled warily at Dilandau. There was little in the way of a response.

            Dilandau didn't know what to think. He didn't want to think. He closed his eyes against the pain of his memories as Jajuka walked silently back to his seat.

            Zongi leaned over to look at the expression on Dilandau's face. He felt that perhaps he hadn't been as useful as he could have been, perhaps he hadn't been able to find that fatal flaw that could have made it all right. The look in Dilandau's eyes told him that a blow had been struck against him. There was a shadowy dullness in his eyes, a flash of fear in the depths of them. It was a certain soft fragility that they hadn't held at the beginning of this Trial. 

            Zongi put a hand on Dilandau's shoulder, trying to convey wordlessly that it would all be over soon. 

            Dilandau looked up at him after a moment.

            "It'll be all right." Zongi said, his eyes filled with pity.

            Dilandau sighed, and nodded slowly, trying hard not to think about the recent testimony. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach ebbed away as he prepared himself for the next witness.

Author's note: _ I'm really really late! And I'm sorry! It took me FOR-EVER to finish this chapter, because I've been busy and because it was hard. I'd never have done it if it weren't for Shy Violet, though. (Thanks!! Love!!) I got a new car, in case you all care! It's a Pontiac Grand Am GT! It's teal! Teeeal!!!

reviews.exe (enter)

Eboni: I had to end it there! If I wrote any more, it would make the story not ephemeral enough for me…Too plain. I need to confuse you! It makes me feel powerful. ^-^ You were interested in joining our little Dilandau ML, it's called Fate's Toy, and it's over here… Fate's Toy Looks like it didn't work last time. Yeah, I'm OK, though. My grandma got a new car and gave me her old one. ^_^!! 

Feye Morgan: Yeah, I tried to convey the fact that Dil-sama's differenter than he used to be, but in some ways the same. The fact that he's different is what they don't like. And… Only QUASI-mysterious? I'm besaddened…

Shy Violet: Yay! I'm so happy! But I already told you that… I hope that despite the fact that I talk to you every day, you'll still be unable to figure out the twist. YAY! Wicked awesome is wicked awesome!

Etowato: YAY! Oh, I get so much happiness from you being confused and intrigued. Whoohoo! Oh, I am evil… For the con, I dressed up as Umi Ryuuzaki from Magic Knight Rayearth and Jet Black from Cowboy Bebop.. ^-^ Yes, I am a girl. It was sooo fun. 

BlueAloe: Oh, I'm glad you got all that out of it. That's really what I was trying to convey about the villains. They're basically, excuse the lameness, locked into their fates. They really want to break away from their lost lives, but as long as Dilandau still lives, they can't. OK, I guess I understand the Mole Man thing… It sort of surprised me when you asked me why my fave character was a pyro. I felt chastened. So, more power to you. 

Anyone who wants to see me in costume can go here!! My Cosplay Page


	10. Bereft

            The room beyond the courtroom was filled with the hum of thought and voices. Strangely, though the dynamic of the courtroom had toned down, changed to soft apathy, the room beyond was filled with excited voices, a quick change from the solemn atmosphere of before. 

            "Has it started?" one voice said, quickly.

            Another flitted by, "Is this the end?"

            "No." said Gaze, eager, "This is nearly the end, but it's also nearly the beginning. This is where we show him what we can really do." his breaths were coming quickly, as if he was unused to such excitement.

            "Are you sure he's ready for that…?" True asked softly.

            "Does it matter?" Gaze snapped, "This needs to happen quickly."

            "Of course it matters." Shy said, his voice harsh, "We can't let him be broken. We're treading on thin ice as it is." 

            Gaze shot him a cold look, "I'll deal with this."

            "Not alone. We've all got a stake in this." Last growled, "There's no way we can let you go alone." 

            "If you go too far, you'll ruin everything we've worked for." said Care, "Don't be a fool." 

            "How can I? All you temperate, kind, reserved folks are here to drag me back if I step over the line." Gaze said with extreme sarcasm, "Then let's get to it." They went back into their circle, and after a moment all animation left them and they were as before. Silent statues, a circle dance. 

The Trial

Chapter 10: Bereft

_Where had I heard this wind before  
Change like this to a deeper roar?  
What would it take my standing there for,  
Holding open a restive door,  
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?  
Summer was past and day was past.  
Somber clouds in the west were massed.  
Out in the porch's sagging floor,  
leaves got up in a coil and hissed,  
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.  
Something sinister in the tone  
Told me my secret must be known:  
Word I was in the house alone  
Somehow must have gotten abroad,  
Word I was in my life alone,  
Word I had no one left but God.  
Robert Frost-"Bereft"_

            Dilandau was soul-weary. He wasn't even able to be angry or sad anymore, he just wanted it to all be over. But the witness list said that there were many more witnesses left, a line of people there only to hurt Dilandau. Well, Dilandau thought, goes to show them, I can't feel anything anymore. 

            The courtroom was silent as Folken gathered his thoughts. He stood confidently and said, "I should like to call my final witness now." 

            "Final witness!?" Zongi said, "Your honor, the defense submitted a witness list that clearly showed tens of witnesses, and he only shows four?"

            "Honor," Folken said, "It is my right to change my witness list as I will." 

            "He's right, Defense. This ought to help your case anyway, so be quiet." the judge said in a slightly unprofessional manner.

            Zongi sat down, somewhat miffed at this treatment. 

            Somewhat rejuvenated by the fact that this would soon be over, Dilandau sat up in his chair. Without particularly thinking about it, he hoped that perhaps this witness would be less painful for him. But he suppressed that hope. He knew that it must be worse. 

            "I'll call Dragonslayer Miguel up to the stand." Folken said, smiling.

            Miguel seemed to be ready for the cue. He stood immediately, grinned genially at the rest of the Dragonslayers, and left. They responded to him with troubled stares, as if they were afraid of what he was going to do.

            He stared blatantly at Dilandau, a twisted grin on his face. Despite himself, Dilandau felt fear bloom in his heart. Miguel had a weapon against him that nothing could prepare him for. That he knew. He had taught them that they could only let the enemy know that something was coming when there was no way for them to dodge.

            Miguel sat down, still flashing that smile at Dilandau. He turned his attention to Folken only reluctantly, when Folken interposed himself between Miguel and Dilandau.

            "Please state your name." Folken said impatiently.

            "Miguel." Miguel said simply, with a winning smile.

            "You were a Dragonslayer under Dilandau, were you not?" Folken asked in a no-nonsense tone.

            "Of course." Miguel said, toning it down a bit.

            "And you died under his command, correct?" Folken said.

            Miguel pause for a moment, and then, glaring at Zongi, he nodded, "I did." he said, hatred in his voice.

            Dilandau looked at Zongi, who was turning guiltily away from Miguel's gaze.

            "How did you die?" Folken said.

            "I was captured, and then an undercover agent of Zaibach revealed his identity to me. I helped him implicate an ally of the dragon, and then he killed me." Miguel said, all the while staring at Zongi. 

            "In what way was your death Dilandau's fault?" Folken asked warily. For some reason, it seemed as if this wasn't going as he had planned.

            "It wasn't." Miguel said simply, a trace of that grin on his face, "In fact, he avenged my death." 

            Folken was positively perplexed, by the expression on his face. He changed tactics, "How did you feel about Dilandau as a commander?" 

            Miguel shrugged, "He was a good commander, I suppose. A little harsh, physically, but truthfully, some of those guys needed it." He gestured to the dragonslayers, who seemed to be remaining studiously neutral.

            "Do you have any complaints about Dilandau at all?" Folken asked.

            "No." Miguel said, "We were on pretty good terms."

            Dilandau couldn't believe this. Where was the unbeatable testimony that Miguel's gaze had promised him? The testimony that was still being promised to him by flashes of predatory anger on Miguel's face? 

            Flustered, Folken decided to change tactics, "But did you know that your commander's skills were really no merit of his own? That he was being controlled by someone outside your group?" He turned away, studying the reactions of the audience.

            Miguel's face was one of utmost innocence as he smiled and said, "Yes, I knew."

            This time Folken was surprised. The entire courtroom was surprised, there was a collective gasp of breath after that was said. Dilandaus' heart started beating faster as he saw Folken's expression turn to one of shock and then predatory hunger. He whirled, "How did you know?" he asked, his voice calm.

            "He'd leave every so often and come back… different." Miguel said, serious.

            "How so?" Folken returned, a little too quickly. 

            "He'd come back and he'd be more angry, more bent on us being perfection. He would start to get along with us, start to be our friend, and then he'd leave for a while, and he'd come back a perfect stranger." 

            "He didn't know you?" Folken asked, curious. The heartbeat quickened.

            "Oh, no, he knew us, he just didn't connect with us on a personal level." Miguel said casually.

            "And why was this, do you think?" Folken asked. Dilandau could feel his pulse fluttering in his temple. 

            "Well, it was the madoushi, of course." Miguel said, shooting a poison smile at Dilandau.

            Dilandau's heart stopped. 

            "Who were they?" Folken said, ignoring the look of shock, terror, and betrayal that Dilandau was giving Miguel over his shoulder.

            "They were in charge of making him perfect." Miguel said, "They made sure he'd never fail." His expression didn't change as Dilandau rose, shaking, to his feet. Miguel followed his rise calmly with his eyes. 

            Tears were spilling out of Dilandau's eyes, but he didn't close them. He couldn't stop staring at this abomination from his past, "You knew." he accused, his voice hoarse.

            The courtroom was silent, "All along." Miguel asserted.

            "And you didn't do… anything?" Dilandau said, his voice cracking.

            Folken stepped aside as Miguel stood up, letting the entire courtroom hear the full force of his voice, "We didn't want to." he said, his voice firm and clear.

            Dilandau turned panic-stricken eyes to the Dragonslayers behind him. Despite their denunciations of him, none would meet his gaze, they were all ashamed. It… it must be true.

            "We knew that they were making you the perfect soldier. The perfect commander." Miguel said loudly, still standing. His eyes quirked cruelly, "Did you think we would stop that?"  

            Dilandau could say nothing, he could only stand there and shake. His eyes wide and blind.

            "HAH!" Miguel shouted loudly, "Fool. We knew having the best commander would give us the best record. We WERE the best soldiers in the army, because of your training, because of the madoushi's work. Do you think we would put our careers in jeopardy…" he trailed off, though the last sentence had seemed to be building up to something. 

            His eyes searched for a moment as if he was hearing voices, and then, deflated, he sighed deeply and sat down. 

            Folken frowned at Miguel, but gathered that the testimony was over, "No further questions, your honor." 

            "I have a few questions." said Zongi furiously, standing. He walked around the counter, staring fixedly at Miguel.

            Miguel's eyes were placid, but angry beneath. Zongi leaned closer to Miguel, who seemed unperturbed by it.

            "How dare you?" Zongi said coldly. 

            Dilandau was still standing, staring fixedly at Miguel.

            The hateful expression on Miguel's face did not change, and he did not make any motion to answer. 

            Zongi, his face still furious, turned away from the witness, "Nothing further, your honor."

            The judge looked at Dilandau, and then at the bailiff, "Bailiff, will you please escort the witness from my courtroom." he said sternly, eyeing Dilandau. 

            A vein was pulsing in Dilandau's neck. Zongi walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. It seemed as if he hadn't noticed, but when his eyes snapped to Zongi, he tore his body away and began to shake again. 

            He had only just collapsed into his seat and into tears when he heard the judge's voice, "There will be a recess." he said, "We will continue tomorrow."

            The courtroom emptied as quickly as a breeze blowing, and Dilandau and Zongi were left alone. 

            There was silence for a time, only marked by the soft sounds of soul's torment that Dilandau was making. 

            Zongi's cold hand on his shoulder did not give him any solace. He had thought he was dead to the kinds of pain that these erstwhile friends could cause him, but he was wrong. He could hardly think. They betrayed him. They were not true to him, they only obeyed their commander. They were never his friends at all. He no longer wanted to move. He didn't want to leave the dream. If that meant that his body wasted away and died out there, so be it. 

            He felt Zongi bristle, "Come on, Dilandau. Let's go." He pleaded. 

            Dilandau ignored Zongi. 

            "Dilandau…" his voice was candy, he took hold of Dilandau's arm.

            His lips still moved, Dilandau found, as he said, "You go." 

            "I won't let you stay here," the doppelganger warned.

            "You can't stop me." Dilandau said, leaning his head back against the chair and closing his eyes, saying 'leave me here, I just want to take a nap'.

            Zongi paused, sighed, and turned away, "I don't blame you. Not this time." He walked slowly from the courtroom.  

            There was a wind of silence for some time before the darkness started to close in, and suddenly Dilandau was in another place, the misty room with the blue candles. He whirled to see the hooded figures closing in on him. 

            "Leave me alone!" he screamed, so desperately that it made his throat raw.

            "We cannot." they said, and it was the truth.

            "The morning comes." Shy observed, and suddenly a sun rose in the distance. The figures turned to it, observing as if entranced.

            Dilandau took his chance, and leapt for the darkness beyond their circle. 

            Fast, though, lightning fast the arms stretched out, and every one of those hands caught Dilandau and held him fast, held him in this world. 

            "No!" he shouted, and the hands kept him in their soft grip, "No, let me go!" And some part of him was thinking how strange it was that they were so warm, when they had been so cold. 

            He must have fallen, because he was on the ground and there were two hands shaking his shoulders and shouting, "Dilandau, God, Dilandau what's wrong?" 

            Tears fell onto his face, and he finally woke up. "Mother." he said softly.

            She pulled him into a firm embrace, and sobbed with relief, though she shed no tears. She pulled back and stared into his face,"What was it, why wasn't it me?" Celena asked hysterically, "What did you see?" 

            He paused, and then, pushing her away, he stood. His blankets lay in a twisted mass on the floor. Apparently he had become entangled in them and slumped to the floor. 

            Celena was still kneeling on the floor. She looked up at her son. He smiled wearily at her, but she was unrelieved. His eyes were alight with trapped panic, and dulled by sadness, a strange combination that made her heart lurch. 

            She watched him as he walked cautiously from the room, as if the world was about to launch a full-scale attack on him. 

            Or perhaps as if it already had.

Author's note: And so we're done with the prosecution. Things'll be a lot easier from now on. For you, not me. By the way! ALL POINTS BULLETIN!! If you just skipped over the poem at the beginning of the chapter, go back and read it. (waits) What, you wanna know why? Well, it's my favorite Robert Frost poem and one of my favorites ever, which is why I named the chapter after it. If anyone cares, this one should be updated on time.

            It was really hard to write this chapter, because I didn't think I could top the heart-rending sadness and disappointment in the last chapter. But it just came to me in a rush. Actually, I saw Miguel saying calmly, "Yes, I knew." And I thought, what did he know? And then I figured it out. I think I actually said aloud: "That is the greatest idea ever" I was at work, luckily I was customer-less. So, tell me if that was fitting as the false climax. 

            Maybe I'll get the next one out soon, It'll certainly be a relief to write about NOT the trial. I miss Ravi. But anyway..

It's three AM I must have reviews…

Feye Morgan: You compliment me too much. Say bad stuff about me this time. I DID break Dilandau this time, but he'll be OK. For a while. Or after a while. Don't be mad at me. Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope that my story continues to work. I'm sure it will as long as I'm spending all of my extra brain-time thinking about it. (I'm in Trial MODE at work. That's where all my best ideas are coming lately…) 

Etowato: I updated. Allen and Van may be testifying. It's a secret. (The secret is, I don't know yet. Hehe…) Yeah, I refuse to post any links anymore. FF.net is mean and won't take them. OK, though, I'm about dead tired. It really is three am. See you all.


	11. The Judge

            Celena walked slowly into the kitchen, where Dilandau sat, still in his bedclothes. His shoulders had the hunched look of someone who had lost all hope, and he stared into the grain of the table before him, his eyes as dead as glass.

            He didn't react when she put a hand on his shoulder, but a tear fell from his eyes. She sighed heavily, knowing that if she said anything it would just upset him more. The inextricable bond between her and her son told her that, and that Dilandau had just gone through something real, something terrifying. 

           She gave him a squeeze on the shoulder, and though it was incredibly hard for her to do, she walked out of the room, leaving him alone to contemplate. 

The Trial

Chapter 11: The Judge

_The rain to the wind said,  
"You push and I'll pelt."  
They so smote the garden bed  
That the flowers actually knelt,  
And lay lodged-though not dead.  
I know how the flowers felt.  
Robert Frost-"Lodged"_

            Dilandau barely felt the comforting pressure from his mother's arm. He sensed it as a bloom of warmth that ran from his shoulder halfway down his arm, but then it fled and he was alone with his thoughts.

            The betrayal he felt could not be measured in words. He was barely conscious of the tears that dripped from his eyes. They were… He couldn't think about it. He began to shake again, his breath came too quickly.

            He paused, took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. He found it easier, out here in the waking world. Like it was with every other dream, the barrier between it and the waking world was palpable. Unlike other dreams, he could still remember every detail, though the impact was definitely reduced. 

            Now that he could separate his emotions from what had happened, he tried to think about the trial as a whole, the ultimate goal of it. At first, with Gatty's testimony, he had thought they were trying to prove his guilt in the death of his Dragonslayers. Thinking introspectively, he realized that the plea of not guilty was entered more to defy the madoushi than because he really thought he wasn't responsible. He knew in his heart that he could have prevented their deaths. 

            So at that point of the trial, they were trying to prove his negligence in the Dragonslayers' deaths, and they were succeeding. Shesta's testimony made all the more difference in the case, despite the fact that Zongi defused it. 

            But when Jajuka got up on the stand, it seemed as if the entire goal of the trial changed. Instead of convincing the jury that Dilandau was a part of his friends' deaths, the focus changed to hurting Dilandau as much as possible. It was such a gradual shift through the witnesses that Dilandau had hardly noticed it within the dream, but now he was awake it was obvious. 

            All that culminated with Miguel's testimony, which was still so painful to Dilandau that he winced when he thought of it. A testimony tailor-made to hurt him, to fly like an arrow to his deepest heart and crush what he held within. But why? 

            Dilandau, tears now gone, eyes focused and determined, leaned forward and bit his thumb. Why attack him like that when it was the jury who were in charge of whether he lived or died? That is what he assumed was the consequence of a guilty plea, his death. Not true death, the death of his spirit, the stealing of his identity as the Madoushi had done before.

            And at first, Folken seemed not to know what Miguel was up on the stand for. It took a wild shot and some quick thinking for him to get the testimony that the madoushi obviously wanted Miguel to give. But that made no sense.. The attorney was the one who chose the witnesses, wasn't he? But then, Zongi had said that this was no ordinary trial.

            And also… Dilandau paused. He had said, that first time that Dilandau had the trial dream, that there was only one person who had prejudices in that courtroom. And that person was… 'the judge'. The person who would make the final decision about whether he lived or died. Something extremely important was hovering just beyond the grasp of his mind, and it frustrated him to no end. 

            It was ridiculous wasn't it? That only one person in the courtroom had a bias for or against him. Everyone in that courtroom seemed to have some opinion on him, and it ran the gamut between open hatred and amity. They all had that in common, didn't they… And something else, they were all…

            His train of thought was interrupted by the purposefully loud clatter of a bowl being set down in front of him. He looked up to see his mother staring worriedly down at him. 

            She was relieved to see the doe-eyed surprise on his face, fearing the strange caged fear that she had seen before. She sat down in front of him and smiled wordlessly.

            "Mother." he said, in a daze. He looked down at the bowl, which contained a thick, warm oatmeal of some kind, filled with fruit. 

            "Good morning." she said, a little too quickly.

            He saw the worry and heard it, and smiled weakly, "I'm all right, mother." he said, his voice soft and tentative, "I've had night terrors before."

           "This was real, Dilandau." his mother said, frowning, "You don't have to tell me, but I know that this wasn't a dream. It must have been a memory." 

            "No memory, mother." Dilandau said, a hint of sadness in his eyes, "Just a dream. As simple as that." he looked down at his porridge, and avoided her gaze.

            She studied his face silently for a moment, watching him swirl his porridge around and around. She let out a breath slowly, and smiled at him, "You look tired." she said kindly.

            He looked up, seeming confused, "I do?" he asked flatly. 

            He very much did. It reflected in the pallor of his skin, the dullness of his eyes and the dark circles around them. More than that, he looked weary, as if he had run a marathon instead of sleeping that night.

            He felt his way over his weary, waxy face, and ended by sliding down the scar on his cheek, "Last night…" he paused too long, "wasn't restful."

            Celena nodded, as if she understood exactly what he was talking about. But she gave him a sad look, one that he could no longer deny.

            "My dreams…" He said vaguely, then, "Mother, I don't know what's going on. These dreams are REAL. I know they are. I had one the night before, too. It's a trial, mother, not a memory. And they're all there, and they HATE me." his eyes filled up, but he willed his tears to go away.

            Celena took his hand, "Who's there?" she asked.

            Dilandau turned away, slipped his hand from her grasp, "It doesn't matter." he said, looking back at her with his haunted gaze, then he looked away, "The madoushi, the dragonslayers, everyone. And no one… I still don't understand it all, mother. I still don't know if I understand what I saw, felt." He stared back at her, his sunken cheeks and prominent cheekbones even more obvious in his fear, "But you'll see it tonight, I know you will. You have to help me win, mother…" he looked down at his hands, "If I lose, I don't know what will happen…" he said, lost. He put his head in his hands and tried to will his panic away.

            Celena watched as her son began to shake with repressed rage, fear, and sadness. She put a hand on his shoulder, horrified at what this dream, these dreams rather, had done to him. 

            She quietly walked around the table and put her hands on his shoulders, "We'll do it. Whatever you ask me to do, I'll do it." she said, frightened.

            He shook his shoulders out, denying her grasp of them. He sighed, "I don't know what I want you to do. I don't know what will help. I… I have to go think about it." he got up with surprising swiftness, and ran through the hall to the door and through it, pushing a breeze into the house.

            Celena looked after him, trying to restrain herself from following him. 

            Dilandau walked off the beaten path in the small forest that separated his house from Ravi's. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He needed to think. His mother had interrupted an important train of thought, and now in his sleepless state, he had lost it.

            It came to him in the form of Zongi's voice, 'There is no prejudice in that room. Not one soul in that entire room harbors any grudge against anyone.' 

            "Except…" Dilandau muttered, settling himself down on the pine-needle covered ground, "The judge. What in the world is that supposed to mean?" he said, frustrated, throwing his weary body down on the ground. Zongi's assertion seemed to Dilandau like the key to this entire mess. But he was so tired, and the pine needles were surprisingly soft, and Dilandau felt himself… 

            No! He couldn't fall asleep, because then they'd find him again. He sat up, bit hard down on his fist. He was awake. The judge. But what had Zongi said then? Dilandau had protested and then Zongi said that… That maybe they were talking about more than one trial. More than one judge. The first judge had to be the obvious one, but the other judge had to be someone else. 

            Could it be one of the Dragonslayers? No, it seems he would have already lost… Or the Madoushi! Dilandau suppressed a quake of fear; it couldn't be them. If he thought that, he may as well give up all hope. Maybe someone not obvious, like Folken… Or Zongi himself? No. 

            The problem was that choosing from all these different people with prejudices wasn't helping him. He had to go by what Zongi had said. That there was only one person in the room who went there with any preconceived notions about him. Which meant that this one person should stand out, which would make it obvious to find him! But if it was so obvious, then why wasn't Dilandau finding him!?

            At once, Dilandau understood. He couldn't find the judge because he wasn't looking in the right place. He was looking at the other people, the people around him. But the judge was the only one with prejudice, and Dilandau knew that HE had prejudices. Going into the courtroom, he took the burden of what life had taught him. And the rest of them were all dead, perhaps leaving prejudice behind altogether. 

            The judge was HIM. He was the judge. That explained why they were trying to hurt him as their primary goal, rather than trying to support their case. The realization gave Dilandau no joy, no happiness. Now that he knew he was the judge, he was even less sure whether he would win the case. 

            He would be the one to decide whether he was guilty or innocent. But… He believed in his deepest heart that he was guilty. He knew as if it was a God-given truth that he had been responsible for the deaths of his only friends. He couldn't lie and try to tell himself that he wasn't guilty, probably less so in the dream, where everything was vague and nebulous.

            Despite the fact that Zongi had attempted to defend him, despite everything that he had done to keep his head above the water, they were still going to take him. Because he couldn't forgive himself. 

            Even less so now that he knew his friends would not forgive him.

            There was a scattering of brush, and Dilandau sat up, looking in the direction of the sound. A short distance away, two brown eyes were looking sheepishly at him. 

            Dilandau's best friend Ravi walked up as best as he could. His long legs kept tripping over roots and branches. While shaking his leg free of a brambly bush, he greeted Dilandau, "Hey." he said simply. 

            "Hi." Dilandau replied dully.

            Ravi finally shook his leg free of the brambles, and took a baleful look back at the overgrowth behind him. Looking up at him, Dilandau wondered whether Ravi would betray him the way the Dragonslayers did someday. It was probably some colossal fault of his that caused them to hate him so, and that fault could not have died with them. 

            Dilandau sighed, and stood up, "You came to find me?" he asked.

            "Yep." Ravi said, "Your mom told me you'd be out here. It was a weird place for you to be, but she's always right, and here you are." he smiled, and then frowned worriedly, "Are you all right, my man?" he asked.

            Dilandau turned away, lifting a hand and brushing away Ravi's question. His gesture said 'of course I'm all right, now let's go.' He slid swiftly through the spaces between the brush, and Ravi groaned at the prospect of more thorns in his arms and legs, and followed Dilandau through the brush. 

Author's note: Hey, when I start updating again, people start coming back! Whoa!! Anyhow, I was so glad to see people reviewing again that I decided to update early. I was snowballed under a ton of reviews on Tuesday, July 22, which was great because I was having a rough day and it helped me feel better. So thanks everybody who reviewed, not just the ones who did it on Tuesday. This chapter and its earliness is dedicated to you. (That's good, see, because nothing truly horrible happens to Dilandau!)

Now I must snowblow these reviews!

Feye Morgan: Yay! Always the first, never the worst! I love updates too! I also love reviews. And no, I'm not going to tell you. Anything. It is a rather sad poem. I love it because of the vivid imagery that leaps out at you. I wrote this truly excellent paper on it in AP. Yay! And this update's on time! Double yay!

WaTaShIwA ShInImEgAmI: You're back! I forgot to answer your review the first time, gomen! But you wouldn't have read it anyway, skipping all those chapters like that! Honestly… Well, I hope you like the rest of them, and I'll try and answer your questions by answering whether you'd find the answer by reading the other chapters. @.@ That makes sense, I swear. OK! Why is Miguel all of a sudden being evil? (NO) Why is Dilandau and Zongi almost friends? (YES) Why are the Dragon Slayers being traitors? (NO) What are you planning with Van and Allen? (NO, but I dunno yet) Is Dilandau going to be ok? (NO, but yes. I'm too nice to be mean to Dilly after I tried so hard to make him happy in the last story) OK! Hope that clears something up… 

nature_girl19: Thank you! And I just did! (updated, that is)

Blue Aloe: Oh, the lateness! OK, I'll try to address two of your reviews at once. (Even though they're really long… Keep it up, by the way!!) Thank you! I actually really loved that line myself. You just tag onto the stuff I put the most thought into, style-wise. That's a good compliment, thank you! Zongi as a lawyer will make the most sense by the end, I assure you. At least as much sense as the end itself. And as for breaking Dilandau, if they broke him, it would be easy for him to choose death, and then they wouldn't have him at all. Being dead, they're limited to mind games instead of drugs and manipulation. If Dilandau dies inside, they can't bring him back. He'd probably just fade away. 

Eboni: Yeah. It hurt me, too, when I realized this. As Dilandau is now, even if the same thing happened over again, he wouldn't be able to kill his friends. He's just too nice. He might have cracked, but it's not likely. The next chapter is out right now! Buwahaha!

Etowato: I know! I'm so happy it turned out well. I was almost about to give that chapter up for scratch and write a really bad one to fill space so I could go on with the parts of the plot I'd already figured out, but like I said, it came to me in a snap of the fingers and it was awesome. It made me think, too. There has to be something more to those characters than what they show in the series. I think I got the idea partly because I'm rereading the Ender's Game series and company, and there are youth soldiers in that who are incredibly intelligent. But I digress. You know me, so why do you even ask that question? Of course I won't let anything TOO bad happen to Dilly-sama! Sheesh. I'm such a bleeding heart, ya know?


	12. Fear Support

            Ravi doggedly picked the burrs out of his clothes while simultaneously trying to follow Dilandau. He had come looking for Dilandau of his own accord, but the expression on his friend's mom's face had made Ravi worry. She told him where Dilandau was, but her expression told him that something was wrong with him. And there indeed seemed to be something very wrong with Dilandau.

            Ravi had decided not to mention it. Pushing Dilandau had always worried him, especially after what happened three years ago. He pushed, and that was the trigger for Dilandau to regain his memories which eventually caused him to go on a murderous mission. Of course, he had been stopped. THAT time. Ravi had been wary since then of  disturbing Dilandau's normal patterns. 

            But even what happened three years ago didn't worry Ravi nearly as much as what was happening right now.

The Trial

Chapter 12: Fear Support

_He is no fugitive-escaped, escaping,   
No one has seen him stumble looking back.   
His fear is not behind him but beside him   
On either hand to make his course perhaps   
A crooked straightness yet no less a straightness.   
He runs face forward. He is a pursuer.   
He seeks a seeker who in his turn seeks   
Another still, lost far into the distance.   
Any who seek him see in him the seeker.   
His life is a pursuit of a pursuit forever.   
It is the future that creates his present.   
All is an interminable chain of longing.   
Robert Frost-"Escapist-Never"_

            Ravi finally finished with the sandburs, and stared doubtfully after the quickly retreating Dilandau. It was almost as if he was trying to run away, but where to?

            "Dilandau." Ravi said softly, and Dilandau paused, "Where are you going?" 

            Dilandau turned and looked at Ravi balefully. After a long silence, he shrugged.

           "What?" Ravi said, running up to him and taking him by the shoulder, "What, that's it? All these years I stood by you, even when you was crazy, and all you give me is one of these?" Ravi said, making an exaggerated parody of a shrug. 

            Dilandau sighed and turned away, "You don't understand." he said wearily. 

            Ravi's eyes shimmered, "The hell I don't understand." he said harshly, "The only thing I don't understand is why you aren't telling me what's wrong." he frowned fiercely at Dilandau, who turned.

            Dilandau seemed as if he was about to say something, but then he shook his head weakly, "No… No…" he waved his hand, turning away.

            "No." Ravi said, "No what? You can't tell Ravi because he too stupid? He wouldn't understand? You can't fool yourself, Dilandau. Just because you think I don't have to know doesn't mean I don't deserve to. Why did your mother look so sad this morning? Why are you so tired? What, you have a fight with her?" Ravi smiled wryly. That was the last thing he would believe.

            Dilandau stared deeply into Ravi's eyes, "You wanna know?" Dilandau said, his voice shaking. 

            Ravi implacably nodded.

            "Fine." Dilandau said, his voice rising in fury and fear, "Everywhere I go, I lose!" he shouted, stepping away from Ravi, "My friends desert me, my goals disappear. I lost myself, once!" he shouted, "It's this poison in me, it kills. I deserve it, Ravi. At this point, I don't think I can be saved."

            Ravi didn't have any clue what Dilandau meant by that. But that didn't matter. Ravi's strong arm lashed out and slapped Dilandau across the face, hard, "You're delirious." Ravi said, as Dilandau stumbled for a moment and put his hand on his cheek.

            "Maybe I am." Dilandau panted, "But who says that means I'm wrong?" 

            "I do." Ravi said, "He don't understand what he's got right in front of him…" he beseeched the sky. He turned his gaze back to Dilandau, "I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm betting it's about that guy back then. The one I saw three years ago. Let it be, Dilandau. You're not that person anymore. Come to your senses."

            "You don't understand!" Dilandau shouted, "I AM him! He is me! You noticed it, I could tell you did. Three years ago, he and I became one. I remember…" he was frantic, "I remember three years ago, sparring with you in the clearing for the first time. But I also remember what happened three years before I was born! My mother meeting my father for the first time! I remember the last time he visited our house but I also remember killing men who looked just like him! He and I are not apart, we're the same, I AM Dilandau Albatou." 

            Ravi looked at him, saying nothing.

            "You hate me now, don't you?" Dilandau's bitter voice said, "You're going to hurt me just like they did, except I didn't kill you."

            Dilandau felt his tall friend's arm clap on his back, and pull him into a quick hug, "I don't hate you." said Ravi, "You and him, whatever. You the same. So what? Either let it go or hold onto it. Nothing gonna change that Ravi and Dilandau are friends." 

            Dilandau sighed, half from pain and half from relief, "Not even if I change into a different person altogether…?" he said, envisioning what the madoushi would do to him.

            Ravi smiled, "You already did that, see!" 

            Dilandau smiled faintly, "All right, Ravi." he said, "You win." and he proceeded to tell Ravi about his dream, as far as he could remember, including the fact that he was the person who'd determine his own fate.

            Ravi's face brightened at that, "Well then, you've already won!" he said.

            Dilandau stared at Ravi with haunted eyes, "I don't know so much, Ravi." he said. 

            "What, you think you're to blame?" Ravi said, surprised.

            "I know I am." he said, "I ordered them there, I didn't protect them. I left them all to die, and then ran away like a coward!" he sobbed.

            "They wouldn't have gone if they hadn't wanted to." Ravi said softly.

            "They did." Dilandau snapped. 

            "You can't just… say you're not guilty, like you did when you plead?" Ravi said.

            "I know it won't be like that." Dilandau said, "The dream hasn't broken stride yet. Probably the jury will announce what my heart has decided." 

            Ravi thought for a moment, "Well, I think there's still something more to this thing." he said, stroking his chin, "Tonight, they say, you get to do your case?" 

            "Yeah. But Zongi still hasn't told me who's testifying." Dilandau said. 

            Ravi nodded, "Sure. But he's got all that figured out. He seems like a smart guy. He'll have it by tonight, at least." 

            "Sure…" Dilandau said, shaky. He wasn't looking forward to tonight. 

            "Hey!" Ravi said, "You better not worry. This time, you got me, you got your mom. This time they can't gang up on you, make you hate yourself."

            Dilandau nodded, his hair bobbing limply, "Ok… Ok…" he said, "And now…" he looked to the sun's position in the sky, "It's about 6:00." he smiled weakly, "You wanna come have dinner at my house?" he asked.

            "Do I ever!" Ravi said, grinning, "Just gotta go ask my mom." he ran off to do so.

            Dilandau shuffled his way back to his house, grim. Without Ravi there, he felt much less sure about this whole thing. But… and he paused… at this point there was nothing more that he could do. If he decided in his deepest heart that he deserved to die, then he would, and maybe it all wouldn't hurt so much anymore. If he decided he would live, he could remain here with his mother and Ravi and everyone else. 

            He was still afraid, but as he ate a somber dinner with Ravi and his mother, he controlled it enough that he could actually smile, chat, and most of all, eat. He felt like he had been running a marathon all night; and though he wasn't all that hungry, he was weak, and the food made him feel better.  

            Ravi's mother agreed to let him stay the night. She thought it was perhaps a little strange, the boys being 18, to want to stay the night, but she merely mused quietly about the possible reasons and waved goodbye to her son. 

            "So." Ravi said, as they settled into bed, him on a cot on the floor, "You all right?" his voice was nervous as well. Maybe he was having doubts, too. Dilandau chuckled ruefully. Maybe he was doubting Dilandau's sanity.

            Dilandau smiled in the darkness, "Yeah. I'm fine. Let's go to sleep and get this over with." 

            "Right." Ravi said, relieved, "You know, my mom always says, the faster you fall asleep, the faster it's morning." 

            Dilandau didn't answer, he merely lay his head down on the pillow. For a few moments, he was too pumped with adrenaline to sleep. He took a few deep breaths, relaxing his body, and he let the fear wash over him and guide him cautiously into his dream once again.

            The darkness was complete, and he almost panicked, but soon the blue-flame lights of the circular room faded back in, and though he felt the fear, he tamped it down. As that room once again faded into the courtroom, filled with people, he felt a peculiar sort of confidence. No turning back now. 

Author's note: Wow. That was quick. That's because it's short. I cut short a lot of the scenes I could have kept long. I could have replayed the whole explanation scene, but I thought that it was enough to have Celena's in the last chapter, I could have put a little more description in there, written in the meal scene, but truthfully, I want to get on with this whole business. I can't wait to write the end. ^-^ (excited) I got a ton of reviews on chapter 11, like five minutes after I posted it! I couldn't even see it yet and I was getting reviews! YAY! Anyhow, I'm posting this one early too, to give myself a chance to get on with it. I also liked writing Ravi's fun mode of speech again. Heheh. Well, maybe after this I'll post the chapters as soon as I finish them. That's what I was doing before anyway, except it wasn't early then, it was late….

Ahhh! Avalanche!! (of reviews)

Feye Morgan: Updates are good! So I'm doing it again. It's easier to write these ones without the dreams, but the hard ones are back again. Durn. Oh well. Yeah, I'm glad it fit well.. I picked this one earlier, so I don't know if it fit really well. Aw. For you, I answer questions, darling. Yes, Celena will be testifying. No, rambling is good. I'm glad you liked that chapter, I felt like it might be bad. ^-^

Eboni: I've updated already! Am I not a meanie anymore? Yeah, that's the basic premises. They know that he already condemned himself for their murder, that's why he's the judge. Yeah, well, if I was the judge in my own legal proceedings, I sure wouldn't be paying for my ticket! Yes, Ravi will definitely help.

dilanda: Don't worry, I'm just glad you came back! You wouldn't have wanted to wait anyway, I was late for a lot of these updates… Yay! I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad you like the poems I chose for the chapters. That's sometimes the hardest part, but it's good because it gives me a direction for the story. Shesta's story would be much different if I hadn't used that poem for it. 

Blue Aloe: That's the point, you see? He SAID he wasn't guilty, but he still believes he is. He mostly just said that to challenge the madoushi, and also because he wasn't sure what they'd do to him if he did plead guilty. He wants to live, but he believes he was responsible. I'm so glad I get to write Ravi again. He's so cool!! No nitpicks! YAY!

Etowato: Yeah, I was pretty mean in Chapter 10, but don't blame me! It must have been the madoushi that gave me the evil idea. I'm glad, too, even though he's still far away from discovering the whole truth. 


	13. Grip

            The 'judge' walked in and sat down. Dilandau and the rest of the people in the courtroom followed suit. Dilandau turned to Zongi, who smiled.     

            "Now it's our turn." Zongi said, "Don't worry about it. I've got it all figured out."

            "Right…" Dilandau said desolately. He gave Zongi a pitiable look.

            "What?" Zongi asked, disconcerted, "What's the matter?" 

            "I know…" Dilandau said softly, "Who the judge is." 

            A grim look stole over Zongi's face, "That's just as well." he said, resigned.

            Dilandau looked at him, somewhat surprised, "Why?" he said.

            Zongi grinned weakly, "Well, if you know, you know. There's nothing I can do about it. At least now you know it's all up to you, and has been since the beginning."

            "Somehow that doesn't make me feel better." muttered Dilandau, putting his head down on his crossed arms.

            "I didn't say it would." Zongi replied.

The Trial

Chapter 13: Grip

_The heart knows no measure of devotion,  
Greater than being shore to the ocean.  
Holding the curve of one position,  
Counting an endless repetition.  
Robert Frost-"Devotion"_

            Looking doubtfully down at Zongi, the judge sighed, "Would you like to call your first witness, defense?" he asked.

            "Yes, your honor. I will call Ravi to the stand." Zongi said, holding the judge's gaze with his eyes. 

            Dilandau turned to the audience, and saw that the right side, which had previously been only occupied by shadowed figures, was a sea of familiar and kind faces. He saw Ravi, his mother, his uncle Allen, King Van, even King Dryden and Queen Millerna. The latter few seemed a bit surprised to be here, but they smiled at him, trying to make him feel comfortable. 

            Dilandau turned around. This was where he'd know if the madoushi were trying to trick him. If the people who now sat behind him were who they appeared to be, they'd support him over all else. Dilandau was confident that no matter how much he hated himself, his family and friends still loved him. For some reason they had blinded themselves to the fatal flaws in his personality. 

            Ravi stood behind him, and walked up to the stand. Dilandau saw that he was looking at him, and when he caught Ravi's gaze, Ravi smiled and gave him a subtle thumbs-up. This only soothed Dilandau slightly.

            "Please, will you state your name for the court?" Zongi said.

            "Sure." Ravi said, eyeing Zongi with a small smile, "I'm Ravi Benzi." 

            "And you're a friend of the defendant, correct?" Zongi asked.

            "Best friend of the defendant." Ravi agreed.

            Zongi smiled easily, "How long have you known him?" he asked.

            Ravi paused to consider, "Um… About.. Wait, let's see." he looked thoughtful, "A little more than three years… Almost four years." he amended.

            "And in all that time, what has he told you about his former life?" Zongi asked.

            Ravi closed his eyes, trying to recall, "At first I didn't know." he said, "Then one day I was sparring with him, and I hit him on the face, and he started freaking out." 

            Zongi nodded, "What happened then?"

            "A little while after that, he ran away from home, and stole a guymelef suit, and tried to kill King Van of Fanelia. I didn't understand why he would until his mom explained to me that he was really the Dilandau from the war. Before, I just thought that it was a weird name, never really thought about it." 

            "Just to clarify, how could that be?"

            "What?" Ravi was confused, "How could it be that Dilandau was a weird name? You don't usually name your kid after dead war heroes from the ENEMY side…."

            "No…" Zongi said, "No, how could he be the same person?"

            "OH!" Ravi said, "Sorry. Um… I wasn't exactly too clear on that. Mrs. Celena told me that when she was young they did these experiments on her, and she was 'pushed aside' to accommodate the soul, the fate, of someone else." 

            "And that someone was Dilandau?" Zongi pushed.

            "Yeah. She said that when Dilandau Albatou from the war died, he really just went back into her, and that she… uh… talked to him inside her head…" he looked uncomfortable, "You really should be asking her this stuff. I don't know enough." 

            "You're fine, Ravi." Zongi said soothingly, "So, we all know he didn't succeed in killing Van Fanel, what happened?"

            "Oh. Well, we chased after him. That is, me and Sir Allen and Mrs. Celena, but we were too late. When we got there, Dilandau had already come, but King Van fought him off somehow, and he was unconscious again. When he woke up, he was just the same as ever… Even happier than ever, I thought."

            "Was he exactly the same?" Zongi asked.

            Ravi blustered, "Uh… Well, no. He had changed a lot in subtle ways, I suppose." 

            "Why do you think that is?" 

            Ravi looked away, "Ah… He.. He told me it was because when he went after King Van and stuff… That… That was when he got back all his memories of his other life."

            "Who's 'he'?" Zongi asked.

            "Dilandau." Ravi said, matter-of-fact.

            "Did you perceive any changes?" Zongi said.

            Ravi seemed somewhat uncomfortable, "Uh… Yes." he said, "He seemed more quick to anger, less extroverted. Just little things, I don't think anyone else noticed." 

            Zongi looked at him, trying to convey the import of the question he was about to ask, "Did he seem like he would be capable of the things that you know Dilandau Albatou did?" 

            Ravi gave Zongi a look of surprise, "No! He didn't like to spar as much after that, and when he did, I could tell he was holding back. He didn't hurt anybody after that… I mean, before he'd get kinda rough when the boys weren't keeping their guard up, give 'em a little bruise to remind 'em, but after that he didn't touch anybody, didn't hit anybody." there was a pause, "It weirded the boys out for a while, but after that, I guess they just got used to it, ya know? They might not have learned as well, but it didn't really bother them…" 

            "So, his violent tendencies dwindled?" Zongi clarified.

            "Yeah, that's a good way to put it…" Ravi said.

            "No further questions." Zongi said, with a wink at Ravi.

            Ravi smiled wanly, but as Folken stood, he seemed to quail. Zongi was a minor footnote in history, rarely mentioned except in conjunction with what happened in Freid. There were no pictures of him, and there were very few doppelgangers left in the world, so there was little for Ravi to fear when it came to the defense attorney.

            But Folken was a major part of the Fate wars, made even more historical and strangely menacing by the twin paintings of him that King Van had had commissioned for the library of his new castle. One showed him as a youth, kind eyes, both arms intact, flanked by twin cat-girls. One showed him tall, dark, menacing, his right arm mechanical and outstretched toward the watcher with a deep sadness permeating his face. 

            This was the Folken that Ravi had seen when he visited Fanelia castle three years ago, the one that had sent shivers up and down his spine. This was the Folken that strode up to him, staring at him with dark garnet-brown eyes. 

            Was it Ravi's fault if he shrunk back a little?

            Folken gave Ravi a narrowed look, "You're a friend of the defendant, then?" he asked contemptuously, as if he hadn't quite deigned to pay attention to Ravi's testimony.

            Ravi stammered his answer, "Ah.. Ah, y-yes, sir." he said.

            Folken made no move to make Ravi feel better, "And you've known him since he was reborn, correct?"

            "Yes." Ravi said, avoiding the gaze. 

            There was a whirring, and Folken's mechanical arm came into view from beneath his robe sleeves. Dilandau raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember seeing it before, but then he hadn't paid attention to much except Folken's words and the words of his witnesses. The arm gripped the witness box like the wicked talons of a bird of prey.

            "Let me ask you a hypothetical question." Folken said, not allowing for a denial.

            Ravi nodded, his eyes wide and fixed on the gleaming metal hand.

            "IF a criminal had committed atrocious crimes, and IF he was lost and later resurfaced to be tried for those crimes, is there any way you could excuse him?" Folken asked. 

            For a moment, there was no answer, as Ravi continued to stare fearfully at the wicked gleaming ghost of an arm that was latched onto the box where he sat.

            "Well?" Folken asked loudly, his voice still slightly menacing.

            Ravi swallowed, "Ah… I.. d-don't know." he said, and then his voice strengthened, and he looked Folken straight in the eye, "If he was a different person than that criminal, then yes. I could excuse him."

            Folken smirked slightly, taking his arm from the box, and turned away, "No further questions, I suppose, your honor." 

            Ravi's eyes lit up on Dilandau, and he smiled. Dilandau sent him a weak smile in return. It did feel good to know that Ravi was on his side, that Ravi still believed in him. The thought that he had some allies, even in this dream world, lifted his spirits. 

            Still, the fact that Folken broke off so quickly seemed suspicious. It was obvious that Ravi had been petrified for a moment there. Dilandau had forgotten that Folken could be quite intimidating when he wanted to, or perhaps it was that he just didn't let Folken intimidate him, back then. In whatever case, Ravi seemed absolutely petrified at the mere sight of Folken. 

            Dilandau watched Ravi go back to his seat, and tried to relax. He turned to Zongi for a moment, about to ask him who the next witness was, but Zongi was looking preoccupied.

            "Zongi?" Dilandau whispered.

            Zongi jolted guiltily, "What?" he said. 

            Dilandau decided to pay no mind to the seeming jumpiness of his arbiter, "Who's up next?" he asked nervously.

            "It's-" Zongi began, but he was interrupted by…

            "Would you please call your next witness, defense?" the judge said irritably.

            "Yes, your honor." Zongi said, with a flash of a smile at Dilandau.

            Outside, the dark figures resumed their motion.

            "This may not be as hard as we thought." True muttered, "He seems more at ease now."

            "Of course it's not." scoffed Gaze.

            Shy grimaced, "I think you should keep quiet for now." he said to Gaze, "You almost ruined him for us at the last."

            "It didn't happen, did it?" Gaze said, somewhat miffed.

            "No." Care said, "If we hadn't stepped in it would have, however." 

            "He was about to break away." growled Last. 

            Gaze looked chastened, "All right, then." he said by way of an apology.

            The rest softened, "Then, it's all right. We know you didn't mean any harm." True said, "We've already waited so long, a little longer can't hurt."

            Shy nodded, "Yes. Just a little longer, then." 

            There was a pause, and then Care spoke, "Strange to know that he knows, eh?"

            "You mean that he knows it's all up to him?" Shy replied, and after a pause said, "Stranger still to know that the part of him we helped create is the part of him that he hates the most…" 

            "It's not…" Gaze said loudly, and then he breathed out the rest quickly, "It's not so strange after all…" 

            Sadly, the group agreed on this matter, and then began again to concentrate within their circle. 

Author's note: Hey, I'm back!! It took me a while to finish this, because I put it off until after my vacation. Gomen!! Maybe the next one will be quicker… (snicker) Did you like how I left off who the next witness will be? And tell me what you thought of the scene with the madoushi… I worked hard on it, and I'm not sure it seems just right. Also, who loves Ravi? (raises hand) I wanted to say real quick that though Ravi often reminds me of me and really reminds me of Gaddess, the fact that Dilandau had to have a friend who had his back no matter what came from my best friend, whom I love. SHE'S THE GREATEST!!! (lovelove) Anyway,  I thought it would be kinda cute to see Ravi all scared of Folken's metallic arm. It was a fun scene to write, because I must be so sadistic… Anyway, expect the next chapter… ah… sometime… With a seeeecret witness whoooo!!! (Also, the words to this poem might be wrong. I couldn't find my book, so I used one I had memorized, but it might be a little off)

Rewhatsits!!!

BlueAloe: You got in before Feye! Good job, it's been a while since anyone reviewed before Feye-chan! I'm glad you liked Dilandau's characterization. I'm often afraid that I'm writing him all wonky because of what I wrote him going through in the first part… I can't help it!! I love Ravi, too, though I recently realized that he's basically just a parallel to Gaddess, except more… Ah.. young. Yep, that's about all the difference is. OH WELL! He's still cool. 

Feye Morgan: YAY RAVI!! (waves Ravi-theme banners) Yay staunch friend! (likes that phrase) Dilandau did deserve to be slapped, but it was also an excuse for me to ah… let Dilandau get a bit of a taste of his own medicine, so to speak.. ^^;; It's all dramatic irony and crap. Hehehe. I think this chapter was sort of anti-suspenseful, too. It's going to be pretty smooth sailing from here on in. This is where the plot starts to be nice to Dilandau. 

Eboni: (wary pat) AH.. Thank you? Yeah, Ravi's great, everyone loves him, including me! I tried to write him as a very simple kinda guy, sort of not seeming to look past the face value, but really having a great handle on what's going on, and stuff. Strangely, he reminds me of me in that fashion. Also, get off the drugs, Ravi can't beat up Miguel, Miguel's dead. 

Etowato: Yeah, he's gonna win the case. That's not the surprise. And don't worry, your reviews are always welcome, first or no! Maybe someday you'll get lucky. Ravi and Celena are great for Dilly-chan's side, but that doesn't mean that there won't be a few bumps along the way…

Shy Violet: HA HA!! Takes that! I told them that Ravi was based on you, and you said he talked like Rose de Nose! That means that you talk like Rose de Nose!!! 


	14. Ember's Gaze

            "Who is your next witness, defense, we haven't got all night!" said the judge irritably.

            "Of course not, your honor." the Doppelganger said with a bow, "My next witness will be the defendant's uncle, Allen Schezar." 

            Dilandau turned quickly to look at Uncle Allen. He was dressed in his formal clothing, that of an advisor to the king. The years had not taken the spring from his step, or the soldier's bearing from his demeanor. He gave Dilandau a regal but familiar nod, and smiled confidently.

            The young man's stomach settled. If there was any way to make this trial turn his way, he knew his Uncle Allen would be part of it. He trusted Allen, despite the way his old self had felt about him. 

            Zongi stepped out in front of the witness box as Allen got in, "Please state your name for the court, sir."

            "Allen Crusade Schezar." Allen said, evincing an air of dignity. He settled down in the chair, exuding confidence. He caught Dilandau's eye and winked. 

The Trial

Chapter 14: Ember's Gaze

_One of my wishes is that those dark trees,  
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,  
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,  
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.  
  
I should not be withheld but that some day  
into their vastness I should steal away,  
Fearless of ever finding open land,  
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.  
  
I do not see why I should e'er turn back,  
Or those should not set forth upon my track  
To overtake me, who should miss me here  
And long to know if still I held them dear.  
   
They would not find me changed from him they knew--  
Only more sure of all I though was true.Robert Frost - "Into My Own"___

            Zongi swept quietly out in front of the jury, turning his head swiftly to look at Allen, "You're the defendant's uncle, correct?" he asked.

            Allen nodded sharply, "I am." he said.

            "And you've known him since he was reborn…" Zongi trailed off as if it was a question.

            "I was there when it happened, so yes." Allen said.

            "But you also knew him before he was reborn, when he was known by the surname Albatou, correct?" Zongi turned to face Allen.

            "Yes." Allen said with a nod.

            "What did you think of him at that time?" Zongi asked.

            Allen paused to think for a moment, pursing his lips lightly so that the lines on his face were abruptly more visible. Dilandau realized with a start that his Uncle wasn't as young as he used to be.

            In fact, Allen was more than fifty by this time, though he was only just acquiring a slight belly. Despite that he could still best most of the youths in the service, the position of advisor had not slackened his swordsmanship, but he was starting to feel the creaking in his joints more acutely than ever, and it was becoming obvious by the way he moved. 

            But Allen was answering, "Frankly, I thought he was insane." he said.

            A part of Dilandau was hurt, but he realized that Allen was not one to lie and the observation was accurate. Was, he reminded himself shortly.

            "Would you care to elaborate?" Zongi asked.

            Allen gave him an appraising look, and then decided to go on, "He was obviously disturbed, in my opinion. It wasn't just that he was a good soldier. He was, but that was secondary to him. It seemed to me that he was just unchained, that he wanted to cause as much damage as he possibly could. There was one thing that really… frightened me about him. It was this terrible mad look his eyes had, this look like they were fire itself." his voice was serious and emotionless, but his eyes flashed over to Dilandau, wide, as if he was afraid of what he said.

            Dilandau gave him an almost imperceptible nod, as if to tell him he was all right with it. He had noticed that those few who had known him in his past incarnation treading lightly around him, wary of telling him things they'd observed about his other self. Allen probably hadn't thought about the fact that, remembering years and years back, Dilandau saw that face in his memory, staring back at him with those smoldering eyes from the mirror.

            "I see." Zongi said, "Now, you were there throughout Dilandau's second life. Were there any times when you could see the old Dilandau in him?" 

            Allen shifted, "Yes. A few times." he felt the need to elaborate, "There were times in his youth that he seemed to me to take on a bit of his old self…" he looked uncomfortable again.

            Zongi nodded, and changed the subject, "Do you remember what happened three years ago?" 

            "Yes." Allen said wearily, as if this was the topic he most wished to avoid, "As his friend Ravi said before, Dilandau began to regain his memories. He was stopped right in the middle of it, causing him to attempt to take revenge on King Van. We… tried to stop him, but like Ravi said, we didn't get there in time. Thankfully we weren't needed."

            "What were you feeling at that time?" Zongi asked.

            "I was… sad. Terribly worried. I didn't want Dilandau to come back to his former self."

            "Were you aware, that he in fact, did?" Zongi said.

            "No, he didn't." Allen said, "I knew the moment I saw his face clearly after that. He had changed, that's for sure… But he hadn't become his old self. He was something completely new."

            Zongi nodded, "New… I see. What about him had changed, specifically?"

            Allen sighed, "Actually, it was a bit strange to me, knowing that he had recalled all of his memories as his former self. What happened was that he retreated a little more, became a little quieter, a little more withdrawn. I thought that he would become more wild, but he settled down." 

            "So, really, when he regained his memories he changed to be even _less like his old self?" Zongi asked._

            "Yes." Allen said, "That's exactly how I'd put it."

            "No further questions." Zongi said, and went back to his seat.

            Allen moved around a bit in his seat, playing idly with the ends of his hair. Dilandau couldn't quite remember when his Uncle had finally relented and cut his hair short, but he was sure it had something to do with the gradual dulling of the gold of it. His hair now almost matched the color of Dilandau's mother's hair when she was young, a dullish platinum blonde that Allen refused to call gray. In any case, it was now a few inches above his shoulders, and becoming quite wispy. 

            Allen must have felt the pressure of Dilandau's gaze, and he turned to look at the boy. Dilandau's eyes were deep and expressionless. Allen steeled his own gaze. He couldn't read the young man as well as Celena, but he knew that Dilandau's eyes were a warning that the worse was yet to come.

            Folken stood, sweeping out his robes with an imperious gesture. Allen remembered him from those years ago. They were the two of them very similar at that time, he thought now that he was so much older. Folken was very sure of himself, but still very wounded. Allen liked to think he'd gotten over  that a bit with age. 

            "Allen." was Folken's short greeting, accompanied by a nod. 

            Allen nodded in return, making it too curt for Folken to mistake it for friendship.

            "You fought against Dilandau in the Fate Wars, am I correct?" Folken said.

            "Yes." Allen said shortly, wary of where this was going.

            "And you thought he was insane at that time…" Folken asked brusquely.

            "I did." Allen said.

            "In your opinion, is insanity a disease of the mind or the body?" Folken said.

            Allen frowned, "I'm not an expert." he said shortly, "My ideas would probably be laughable to someone like you." 

            "Entertain me." Folken said.

            "I'd assume it was a disease of the body." Allen said, scowling.

            "Then that would mean that your sister, who still retains the body of the 'old' Dilandau, would be insane, would it not?" Folken said, somewhat triumphant.

            "Objection!" Zongi cried, "Your honor, Celena's not on trial here."

            The judge considered for a moment, "Sustained." he said finally.

            "Then…" Folken said, softly considering, "In your experience with Dilandau, you've found him to be different from the 'old' Dilandau?" 

            "Yes." Allen said, wary again.

            "What about those times you stated earlier that he.." Folken eyed his notes, "'took on a bit of his old self'?"

            "They were isolated incidents." Allen said.

            "How isolated?"

            Allen thought hard, "It was a long time ago…" he said, "but as I recall, he most often had them when he was still waking up, or when he was practicing swordplay."

            Folken nodded, "Well… One would think that a growing boy would sleep at least every night..." he said, in a mocking tone, "And young Dilandau practiced often at the sword, did he not?"

            "Before three years ago, he practiced every day." Allen said flatly.

            "That's a lot of opportunities to 'take on a bit of his old self,' seems to me…" Folken said airily, "But then you said that he'd seemed different?" he said, his eyebrows raised.

            "Yes." Allen replied, no emotion in his voice.

            Folken lowered his eyebrows, his face for a moment flickering. Allen noted that he looked exactly as he had almost thirty years ago when he wasn't concentrating on being caustic. 

            Folken paused momentarily, seeming to be lost in thought. Then he looked at Allen once more, "You had said… that after he changed he was even less like his old self." he said, regaining his speed, "Why do you think that would be?"

            Allen shrugged, "After the war was over, I wanted to be as far away from battle as I could for a very long time. I even avoided conflict in my home life. Maybe for Dilandau, the war's only just over, maybe it's only just starting." Allen's voice gained volume, "But I know that if I were him, I'd want to avoid conflict as much as possible, if only because I was afraid of what I'd do." he looked directly into Dilandau's eyes, "It would be terrible not to be able to trust my own judgement." he said, his voice filled with pity.

            Folken's expression did not change, making him seem once more like his old self, "No further questions, your honor."

            Dilandau, to his credit, did not cry. But it shocked him how well his uncle had seen through him, almost as though his eyes were a mirror into his mind itself. At the heart of all this was the fact that Dilandau didn't trust himself, didn't like himself. He fought against his own judgment all the time, trying to see if this was what he wanted, or what the so-called 'old' him wanted. He watched as Allen got up and walked back to his seat, wondering how long his Uncle had known him better than he had known himself. The words that Allen had spoken were intended for him, he knew that. They had carried a specific message to Dilandau, one that he was sad to say he didn't quite understand. What did his uncle want him to do? Dilandau breathed roughly, feeling strange. When Zongi put a comforting hand on his arm, it seemed twice as cold as usual. He tried to ignore this.

            Dilandau turned to him, looking at him, "Who's the next witness?" he asked softly.

            "Your mother." Mouthed the Doppelganger, taking his cold flesh from Dilandau's warm body. Dilandau rubbed his arm where the frigid touch of the doppelganger had frozen it, and puzzled. He felt disjointed for some reason, as if he was feverish. 

            Zongi stood, eyes on the Judge, "I call Celena Schezar to the stand." he said, confidently.

            Meanwhile, the figures outside the room were watching Dilandau with some interest.

            "That Schezar was more… aware than we thought he'd be." Gaze said.

            "Certainly he was. He's changed in the many years since we died." True said, nodding.

            Shy interjected, "Perhaps. We knew of him only in passing." his voice was somewhat disdainful, which was uncharacteristic for him. 

            "In any case," said Last, "We're coming to the end."

            "Can we tell if he's…" Care said, then rethought, "If we're succeeding?" 

            "No…" True said vaguely, "from here, it's up to him."

            "Not a comforting thought." Gaze observed.

            "The mother's next." Last said.

            "She is." Shy said softly, "We have no way of knowing what she'll have to say." The circle tightened, and the figures watched with increased interest, waiting ever-patiently for the results of their hard work to show.

Author's note: Whew! I managed to get that one out! This one's, IMO, less quality than the chapters before and after will be. Think of it as a lull. The next ones will be better I swear. Also, this one had an unfortunate problem with the poem. I couldn't get it to fit. So, look forward to better ones, and soon!! 

Here's all the reviews!

Etowato: You finally got in first! (waves little 'Etowato' flags around) Yay for you! Yeah, I thought Ravi would be creeped out by Folken. Despite how much I love him, Folken can be a really creepy guy. I really liked the idea of the paintings showing both sides of Folken, too. It just came to me, really, and it made so much sense. The next witness is Allen, as you can see, and you'll be happy to know I made no mystery of who the witness for chapter 15 is!

Feye Morgan: I'm sorry about the wait. From here on in the chapters get a lot more interesting for me to write, and I'm sure (I hope) that I'll have the whole thing finished up before the end of August. If not, I'm sorry! It's this foolish thing we call a life! Heh, yeah, Ravi actually talks a lot like me when I'm at my least eloquent. So in that respect it was easy to make him sound natural. (grin) I'm always good to Dilandau! It's one of my character flaws… (tragic sigh) Probably the reason you can see the madoushi so much better is because I'm freeing myself to give them more character. I'm fudging it by saying it's because they're interacting with the living world. (sticks out tongue) Oh well, fudging is fine…

Eboni: Yay! No drugs! The 'enemy side' line was one of my more witty comments. Cherish it, they don't happen very often. (winks) Ravi is cute… (hearts him) And about Folken, I don't know why he looked like that, truth be told. He just wanted to act smug like that. Actually, I think he took a bit of pleasure in making Ravi so affrighted, hehe. Evil guy. I'm not sure he has any evil plans, tho… O_o (don't think he does, anyway) If Ravi still wants to beat Miguel up afterwards, I'll let him, K?

dilanda: Sorry if this update's too late! I tried, but things kept thwarting me! I didn't leave you in suspense about the next witness, if that makes you feel any better! I hope Dilandau walks away OK, too. I'm confident that he'll be better than ever after this whole thing is over. (But then, I'm the author, so I can afford to be confident. ^-^)

BlueAloe: I thought it was a super-cute moment when Ravi clarified best friend too, he makes me grin! You're right, pitiable is a bit cumbersome in that sentence, but I didn't want to see Dilly-sama as pitiful! ;_; I think I'll leave it. I know, I loved the painting idea as well. I can see them in my mind's eye, too. I wish I had the gumption to draw a fanart. Aw, maybe later. (is afraid it won't be as beautiful as she pictures it) Why did Folken give up so easy? Me no know. I think he just realized he wasn't going to get any more use out of Ravi. He's not exactly the star witness for the defense. (idly) That's the last witness, really… (grins) Sorry! I really love that poem, too, and I thought it fit really well with Ravi's testimony. Turns out I fudged it a bit, here's the real poem. Still, it's beautiful..

DEVOTION

The heart can think of no devotion  
Greater than being shore to the ocean--  
Holding the curve of one position,  
Counting an endless repetition.

Robert Frost


	15. The Ties of the Spirit

            Zongi stood, not waiting for the judge to get angry again, "I wish to call Celena Schezar to the stand." He said.

            Dilandau watched his mother rise regally from the bench seat, walk in front of her brother and up the aisle. She looked determined and forceful and altogether very scary. He had seen her this way when she scolded him, but only when he had done something VERY bad. It was a measure of how good a mother she was that merely her peripheral anger on his behalf was making him want to apologize profusely for whatever he'd done.

            She sat down and her demeanor abruptly changed. She smiled at Zongi as he stood, ready to answer any questions he had.

            Dilandau felt much safer now that his mother was on the stand, fighting for him.

The Trial

Chapter 15: The Ties of the Spirit

_She is as in a field a silken tent  
At midday when a sunny summer breeze  
Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent,  
So that in guys it gently sways at ease,  
And its supporting central cedar pole,  
That is its pinnacle to heavenward  
And signifies the sureness of the soul,  
Seems to owe naught to any single cord,  
But strictly held by none is loosely bound  
By countless silken ties of love and thought  
To everything on earth the compass round,  
And only by one's going slightly taut  
In the capriciousness of summer air  
Is of the slightest bondage made aware.  
Robert Frost - "The Silken Tent"_

            "Please, ma'am, state your name for the court." Zongi said, smiling kindly.

            Celena nodded, "I am Celena Schezar, mother of Dilandau Schezar."

            "You are the one who knows Dilandau the very best out of anyone, isn't that correct?" Zongi asked with a lackadaisical air, as if it was a simple question.

            "I'd like to think that often I know him better than he knows himself…" Celena said with a vague smile, "But I'm sure that's not so true." 

            Dilandau returned his mother's smile. He wasn't embarrassed of his bond with his mother, least of all now when it could be the one thing that saves him. 

            Zongi spoke again, "Do you remember much about your days as the vessel for Dilandau Albatou?" he asked.

            "I remember as if it was a very long dream." Celena said, "At times, it was almost as if I was right there, doing what he was doing, watching, but with no way of affecting it." 

            "Could you tell what he was thinking?" Zongi asked.

            "At times, yes. For instance, I knew without a doubt that at the deepest part of him, he loved his Dragonslayers." Celena said with a smile, gesturing towards the seated throng of Dragonslayers, some of whom abruptly looked slightly nervous and chastened. A few, like Miguel, kept a stony countenance, and did not change expression.

            Zongi smiled, "And when you could tell what he was feeling, what was the governing emotion?" he asked.

            "Fear. Secondarily anger, and then pride." Celena said, "But Dilandau Albatou was always afraid, which is partly why I tried to raise my son in a world where he controlled his fear and didn't let it control him."

            Zongi looked at her, "Can you explain how you knew that Dilandau was going to be reborn?" 

            "Mother's intuition?" Celena said with a chuckle, "One thing my brother told me we learned from the girl from the mystic moon was that sometimes if your wish is strong enough, you can make amazing things happen." 

            It gave Dilandau a surge of guilt to know that he had nearly let himself… die twice the night before. He had only been thinking of himself, a trait he was not pleased to share with his other self. He looked at his mother with apology in his eyes.

            Celena laughed and lowered her eyes, telling him not to worry.

            Zongi paused, "You knew both the old Dilandau and the new Dilandau better than anyone else could, so please tell us: Are they alike? Are they the same?" 

            Celena looked down, a mourning on her face, "Ever since the first time I met Dilandau, I've known him inside and out." she said slowly, sadly, "The 'old' Dilandau was filled with fear, hatred… But at his deepest heart, he and my son are one and the same. They have the same guilt, the same fears, the same daring," here she smiled, "and they are the same." She said helplessly, looking at Dilandau and now she was begging forgiveness. She knew she had told him the thing he least wanted to hear from the time he first knew who he used to be. 

            It was Dilandau's turn to grant forgiveness, though it did nothing to heal the heavy sadness weighing down his heart. He had known that, of course, known it with the deepest part of himself, no matter how he tried to deny it. Truth be told, and told by his own dear mother, it was a seamless fit between he and his other self. Even the one who knew him best told him that the terrible person from his dreams, that boy who killed hundreds without a qualm, who cared more about guymelefs than his own soldiers, his only friends, that person was him. 

            Zongi, strangely, didn't seem surprised at all, despite the fact that his strategy so far had been trying to prove that Dilandau and his other self were not the same person, "When was the first time you ever met Dilandau?" Zongi asked, somewhat curious.

            Celena let a smile cross her face like a beam of sunlight, "Well. I was young and afraid… I was probably seven or eight." She met Dilandau's eye, noting his surprise, "And one day I felt I just couldn't take it anymore. I walked to a very high place and looked down and down…" her voice was distant now, she was remembering, "And I said, 'I'm going to jump off'" she laughed, it was all a game, but Dilandau listened hard, concentrating all of his mind on her voice, "I was holding onto the rail, swaying over the endless abyss, and as I struggled against the ropes of my arms-they didn't seem to want to let me go-I felt a tug." she paused, "I heard a voice. Well, I guess it wasn't hearing, and it wasn't speech. It was more like… thought. It told me, beyond words, that if I wanted to, I could rest. That it would, HE would take care of everything." She turned her gaze outward again, and stared at Dilandau, "I can think of nothing else but that that was Dilandau, or the makings of him, taking pity on me and letting me sleep." 

            I… I can't remember that… Thought Dilandau. But as he heard it, it seemed so very right. Right, but also amiss. He could not see his old self doing that, the idea didn't mesh with what he knew about himself. But he looked at Celena, looked deeply into his mother's eyes, and it was true, and he knew it was, beyond any doubt.

            Zongi seemed stunned by this news as well, captivated. It was with a heartfelt reluctance in his voice that he said, "No further questions, your honor." 

            As Zongi sat, Dilandau continued to stare at his mother. She smiled gently, asking him what he was so surprised about. 

            In Dilandau's peripheral vision, Folken rose, large and menacing, and stood in front of Celena, obscuring Dilandau's view of her.

            Celena did not back down, merely stood up straight and proud and stared directly into the maroon eyes of the prosecuting attorney, defiant. 

            Folken smirked, but for a moment Celena thought it was something different. Could that have been a nostalgic smile on his face? Of course she remembered him, but only very hazily. He had arrived at almost the same time she had, she had seen him fairly often on her trips around the madoushi's compound with Jajuka. But at that time, he had always looked mournful and lonely. 

            She vaguely remembered speaking to him only once, flinching away from his metallic arm as it reached menacingly down towards her head. At the time she had misunderstood the gesture, an unfortunate attempt to gently pat her head. He wasn't quite used to his arm at that time, which she understood now. She still remembered the wounded look in his eyes when she ran back to Jajuka and hid behind his legs, and she understood it a lot better now that age had separated her from her fear at that time. 

            But his eyes were hard and cold now, harder even than she had seen through Dilandau's eyes. He turned them on her, "You say you knew Dilandau Albatou better than anyone?" he asked her brusquely.

            "Yes." she said, wary.

            "You said that his motives were usually based on fear, did you not?"

            "I did."

            "Since when," and his voice was poison now, nothing like anything she remembered hearing from him before, "does fear cause one to run headlong into dangerous situations?" 

            Celena knew that Folken was too smart not to know the answer to that question, but she provided it anyway, "When one is not afraid of death or pain. When the thing that a person is afraid of runs deeper than that."           

            "What, pray tell, was Dilandau Albatou afraid of?" Folken asked contemptuously.

            "He was… is.. afraid of being left alone with his thoughts, alone with his guilt. Alone…" she said this last part delicately, fearfully, "…with his self hatred."

            A sneer, "The Dilandau I knew did not hate himself." 

            "The Dilandau you knew was even more afraid of being found to be flawed than anything else. A fear not related to the soul, but one learned from personal experience." Celena said calmly.

            Folken whirled, his black robes flaring, "You expect us to believe that all the terrible things that Dilandau had done were not his fault after all?" he said, doubtful contempt audible in his voice.

            "No." Celena said simply, "I just wish for you…" and she wasn't talking to Folken or the courtroom at large, she was only speaking to Dilandau, her voice filled with love, admiration, "…to understand that forgiveness comes easily to those who ask for it." 

            Folken shut his eyes, "No further questions." he said resignedly.

            Dilandau heard the truth in Celena's voice, and he wanted to ask her if he deserved forgiveness. 

            The love in her face told him what her answer would be.

            He turned away, telling her that if he could not forgive himself, no one could. And telling her in no uncertain terms that he could not forgive himself. 

            Her sadness was the only answer, and it made Dilandau choke with tears at the intensity of it. But underneath it all was a resignation. She was telling him that it was his choice after all, but that she hoped he would make the right one. 

            Through his tears, he looked at Zongi, a question in his eyes. 

            Zongi tilted his head, uncomprehending.

            "I mean…" Dilandau said, "Who will the next witness be?" 

            Zongi merely smiled secretively and shook his head, rising to his feet to call the witness. 

Author's note: (huggles this chapter) I like this one best of all so far, and I hope you do too! I never realized how much I missed writing Dilandau interacting with Celena. ;_; AW!! I also put in a cute little Folken moment!! (loves Folken, even though he's a jerk in her story) Also, I got the Esca box set!! HUZZAH! Watching it again!! XD XD XD XD Anyhow, I left the next witness a secret, more because both I and Zongi know who it was GOING to be. Unfortunately, someone else decided they wanted to be a witness. But you're going to have to wait to find out who it'll be. Unless you're Etowato, who squeezed the secret outta me. (shakes fist at Etowato) Don't worry, I'm in a groove, so I'm already starting on the next chapter today! MUAHAHAHA!!! Even with an extra chapter added (which brings our possible total to around 20-21) I'll get this done before school!!! If it kills me!! _!!

Reviews!!! If it kills me!! _!!

Eboni: I picture Allen's belly much like Captain Kirk's belly in The Original Star Trek. It's a bit paunchy, but only a bit. Yeah, I should have thought of making Dilandau get all angry.. But the thing is, both Celena's and Allen's testimonies say that the reason Dilandau is behaving not like his old self is because he fears and hates his old self. He remembers what it was like to be like him and he remembers how horrible it was. He's trying to keep all traces of that Dilandau out of his demeanor, which really isn't healthy, because that's a big part of who he is. Yep, he's a basket case. ^_^ But we love 'em. 

Feye Morgan: Yes, the worst thing about the passage of years. Aging. Allen's hairdo looks like Amano's now! Or at the very least like Young Bandit Allen. Hehehe. Well, they're still the same characters, just older, wiser, and grayer. With more wrinkles. ^-^ Yeah. Folken seems to be losing his touch, or at the very least, these witnesses are too good for him to make much mess of. 

Etowato: Don't worry, as you know now, Van is still with a poofy head, although it has streaks of gray. And as for witness talk… (shakes fist!!) Dilandau's family is creepily supportive, almost like mine. I think it's cuz they're the good guys. O_o;; Well, whatever you wanna say about that chapter, this one's even better! Ten hundred times better!!! WHOO!!

BlueAloe: Yep, Allen Crusade Schezar. In the shonen manga, his name's Allen Crusade Schezar VIII… (shrugs) It's not a very good comic. Dilly-sama's all weird lookin. o_O;; Yeah, I loved the smoldering eyes idea, that's why I gave the chapter that title… Yeah, Allen cut his hair. Gaddess made fun of him because the bottom was all gold and the top part was getting white. Heheh. Yeah, that point doesn't make much sense… It's just Folken trying to make the witnesses sound stupid, which is his job. (luvvies him) Yeah, I made him a jerk, but in canon, he's so cool! Ok, if you guys say so, the last chapter was OK. But now I have to work on the next one! (hurries off)


	16. We Were Soldiers Then, And Young

            Zongi stood, a curious smile on his face, ready to call the next and last witness. He walked in front of the judge and bowed, "I would now like to call my last witness, sir." he turned to the audience, "I'd like to call…"

            But then, a voice rang out in the audience, "No! Wait." said the commanding voice, "I have something to say. I will be the next witness." 

            Dilandau turned to see King Van Fanel smoothing back his ever-unruly hair and standing, sliding in front the knees of King Dryden and Queen Millerna. Dryden had an amused smirk on his face. Van huffed lightly, and ran up into the aisle.

            "Please." he said, his face serious, "I have something to say. Please wait on the last witness for just this long." 

            Zongi smiled, "As you wish, King Van." he said with a slight bow, "I will call Van Slanzar de Fanel to the stand, your honor." 

            The judge looked a bit annoyed at the anarchy in his courtroom, but he had known all along that this wasn't under his control. He nodded.

The Trial

Chapter 16: We Were Soldiers Then, and Young

_Out through the fields and the woods  
And over the walls I have wended;  
I have climbed the hills of view  
And looked at the world, and descended;  
I have come by the highway home,  
And lo, it is ended.  
  
The leaves are all dead on the ground,  
Save those that the oak is keeping  
To ravel them one by one  
And let them go scraping and creeping  
Out over the crusted snow,  
When others are sleeping.  
  
And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,  
No longer blown hither and thither;  
The last lone aster is gone;  
The flowers of witch hazel wither;  
The heart is still aching to seek,  
But the feet question "Whither?"  
  
Ah, when to the heart of man  
Was it ever less than a treason  
To go with the drift of things,  
To yield with a grace to reason,  
And bow and accept the end  
Of a love or a season?  
_

Robert Frost - "Reluctance"

            King Van Fanel was nearing 45, and the lines on his face were deepening year by year as he worked on making sure Fanelia was never left in the lurch when it came to progress. Being friends with the rulers of the other major world power, Asturia, never hurt, but Van didn't want to depend on Asturia's aid too much. So he had aged almost more than Allen or Dryden with the stress of ruling and rebuilding Fanelia. But his age had not dimmed his enthusiasm, only made him more careful. So he sat in the witness stand, determination etched in the position of his body, and in the snapping of his eyes.

            Dilandau observed that his eyes had not changed so much from those of the young Van, the one that his old self had hated so much. 

            Zongi's lips curved in a moue of amusement. Perhaps it had interrupted his plans, but having Van Fanel on the stand would not hurt his case, that he was sure of. He was also sure that the fact that his dead brother was the prosecuting attorney was part of the reason that Van had been so quick to volunteer. 

            But he suppressed his amusement and turned to face Van, "You knew Dilandau Albatou?" he asked, partly because he wasn't quite sure.

            "Yes." Van said, and then he plodded on, "He and I were rivals and bitter enemies."

            "You were, then?" Zongi said, "Why?"

            "Dilandau was…" Van paused, trying to be equable about the whole thing, "rather deranged." he sighed at his failure to be equable, "He was assigned to kill me, but he took it rather personally after I scarred his face."

            Dilandau found that his hand was stroking his scar, a habit he had tried valiantly to break. He pressed his hands into his lap.

            "Why would that be?" Zongi said.

            Van shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, later, when I found out about the whole thing, I thought a lot about it, and I still couldn't figure it out. I think…" he paused, staring at the dragonslayers in their seats at the back of the courtroom, "I think what really put him over the edge was when I killed his soldiers." he said with a nervous remorse.

            "Hm." Zongi said, "Is that so? What about what happened three years ago?" he changed the subject.

            Van resigned himself to telling the whole story, "I was at my desk, writing, when I heard a noise outside. It was Dilandau, and he had this terrible light in his eyes. He looked awful, too. He scaled the walls of my castle, and he was terribly bloody."

            "Were you surprised?" interjected Zongi.

            "Not really too much." Van said, "He had moved away with his mother to lessen the likelihood of an episode like this, but Celena had told me and all of us that he was likely to regain his memories someday." Van paused and got back on with his recounting of the story, "He attacked me, he told me he was going to kill me." in spite of himself, Van shuddered at the memory. The impetuousness and rashness of youth had left him, but he still couldn't forget the hatred of the Dilandau he had known back then, "We fought. And he was obviously insane. He had the sword to my throat, he was threatening me with the death of everyone and everything I ever loved. And I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to…"

            "Kill him?" Zongi said, his voice cold.

            Van looked repulsed, "No!" he said, his voice forceful, "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had done that. I can't… even think about that." he trailed off, "It was a quick decision. I just wanted to do something that would distract him.. And I caused the scar, there." Van said, pointing at Dilandau's face.

            Dilandau found his hand once again at his scar. It had not hurt for a long time, but he couldn't forget it. It was a constant reminder of what he could do if he lost control of himself. He shivered slightly, and once again pressed his hands into his lap. 

            Zongi turned, regarding Van with a burning gaze, "You wouldn't have killed him?" he asked.

            "Never." Van replied.

            "What about that time almost thirty years ago, the last time Dilandau Albatou was ever seen?" 

            Van frowned, "What about it? Dilandau and I… were fighting. The war was over, but he and I… For a moment we forgot about that, I guess." 

            "You had him." Zongi said, "Would you have killed him then, if Allen hadn't stepped in?" 

            Van looked ashamed, "I… I would have. If Hitomi hadn't… If it weren't for Hitomi, I think I would have killed the both of them." 

            Dilandau stared evenly at Van, noting the flush of his cheeks and his downward gaze. 

            "Why?" Zongi asked softly.

            "I… I was young. He came after me whenever I turned my back. At the time, there was no reason to believe he'd stop."

            "What did you think when you saw him for the first time again? When he was reborn?" 

            Van thought back to that time. Allen had warned him, of course. Van had wanted to meet Allen's nephew, Celena's son, but Allen had said that there was something he wouldn't like about the boy, something unsettling. And when he had seen him, he had understood. Platinum hair, pale skin, and wide blood-red eyes. Van knew as soon as he saw him. He hadn't ever pictured it before, but he knew if he would have thought of how Dilandau would look as a child, that baby would have been exactly alike.

            "I knew…" Van said slowly, "that he had to be… Dilandau." 

            The baby, and he was almost two at the time, had wriggled out of his mother's lap as Van spoke uneasily with her, trying hard not to mention the boy, and toddled across the floor towards him. Apprehensively, Van had smiled at him, and at that moment, the boy had burst into an incredibly intense toothless grin and waddled over to him, pressing his warm baby hands into Van's lap. He was an extremely winsome child. 

            "But…" and Van smiled, "Did it really matter?" he asked, glowing at the memory. He had taken the boy into his arms, suffering the child's attention at the decorations on his outfit and the pendant he even now wore around his neck. Like the dragons of old, any hatred he had had for Dilandau evaporated in the absence of an intent to harm. Van closed his eyes, his voice deep and calm as he said, "Everyone deserves a second chance." 

            Dilandau thought he saw Folken jerk slightly out of his peripheral vision, but at that time, he didn't quite care. He was beaming, surprised and pleased that Van would take this chance to come and defend him, despite the fact that he had judiciously avoided the King in the three years since his 'accident'. 

            Zongi was beaming as well, "No further questions, your honor." he said.

            Without even waiting for Zongi to be seated, Folken rose, slowly but with a definite eagerness. Dilandau leveled a gaze at him as he walked over to the witness box. Van was also watching avidly yet seeming a bit strained.

            Folken deliberately made his way towards the box, and stopped several feet in front of it, staring at Van. Folken's eyes darkened with sadness, he blinked at Van silently for long moments. Van stared back into his brother's eyes with an equal sad longing. He smiled very slightly, and muttered so softly that few could hear, "You look so young, aniue*…

            Folken's eyes wavered, and he opened his mouth as though to speak. But suddenly, he jerked his head as though he was hearing something far distant. He seemed to be listening and then he pursed his lips, turning away with a whirl of his dark cloak, he spoke, "You would have killed him, would you not have?" he said sharply.

            Van closed his eyes, "I was young then." he repeated, but his tone said, 'forgive me'. 

            "Regardless. You made this decision out of what? Fear? Anger? Hatred?"

            "I was foolish." his tone said, 'I'm sorry,' and seemed to be aimed at both Dilandau and Folken.

            "But what made you think he deserved to die?" coldness permeated the words, but they seemed to waver slightly.

            Van shook his head, eyes still closed, and lowered it.

            Folken scoffed, but his heart wasn't in it, "I rescind the question. The old Dilandau would have killed you, do you believe that?" 

            Van opened his eyes, "Yes." he said. Dilandau agreed.

            "What makes this one so different?" Folken asked, avoiding the gaze of his brother.

            Van closed his eyes once more, seeming to be willing back tears, "I said it before. Everyone…" he paused, and his voice sounded strained, "Everyone deserves a second chance." his voice said as clear as a bell, ringing throughout the courtroom, 'I forgive you. I miss you. I love you.' 

            Folken looked up, swallowing, attempting to steel his gaze, "No.. No further questions." his voice cracked. He sat down, burying his face in his cloak.

            Van rose silently from the stand, solemn and regal, but deeply sad. Dilandau saw it in the lines of his body, the lines of his face. 

            He could not blame the king for what he did. He realized that the man's motives were split between wanting to help Dilandau and wanting one last time to see his brother's face. Dilandau wasn't even surprised about that.

            But what did surprise him was Folken's reaction. Throughout the long trial, he had been nothing if not cold and professional. But despite what Dilandau perceived as the Madoushi trying to get him back into control, he had almost lost all of his composure in having to face his young brother who had grown so old. Dilandau didn't quite know what this meant.

            He turned a slightly questioning gaze on Zongi. The Doppelganger was looking pensively sad, and when he noticed Dilandau, he smiled faintly and whispered, "It's not easy… being dead." with a rueful laugh. 

            Dilandau thought he tended to agree, looking at the mournful look on Folken's face. He recognized it as one that Folken often wore in life. This time, despite himself, Dilandau's heart went out to him. His enemy, Dilandau thought and mentally scoffed. 

            Outside, the madoushi stood alone in a palpable atmosphere of tension.

            "That wasn't good." True said, steely.

            "We're losing control over him." Gaze said.

            "It was inevitable." Shy said flippantly, "We never included Van in our agreement."

            "Not Folken." Gaze said, "We're losing control of Him." 

            There was a pause,"Also inevitable." Last growled, finally, "What matters is what happens in the end." 

            "We could still succeed." Care said.

            "We WILL succeed." Gaze said, "The last witness will clinch it for us, that much I'm confident in." 

            "Maybe you're right… This last witness will be the one to finally turn the tables." True asserted. 

            "We don't dare have hope." said Last tightly, "It could turn the wrong way." Agreement suffused the room, and the dark figures became twice as concentrated on their task. 

*I couldn't stop myself from writing this, even though I dislike fangirl Japanese.. This is a formal way of saying brother, or older brother I believe. Van still uses it in Escaflowne, even though at many points in the series he could have gotten away with much less formal usages. This, I think, is very emblematic of their relationship, and it's very poignant, so I couldn't help myself...

Author's note: Oooo.. The madoushi continue to think they're winning. What do they have planned for the final witness? And who is it!? MUAHAHAH! I won't tell you. NYAH! Ok, so I'm evil. I almost got stuck on this chapter… (Around the part where Van was talking about giving Dilandau his scar) but as is fitting, I sussed it all out when I was in court! Teehee. It was me contesting my traffic ticket I got after my accident on my birthday. I ended up getting almost 40$ knocked off and a chance to keep it off my record for good! Go me! And I got this chapter finished while I waited! Go me!!

            Also, who loves Folken!! (MEEE!!!) That's part of the reason that I wrote this chapter, I leapt at the chance to have Folken and Van talk to each other. They're almost like Celena and Dilandau in that they seem to know what the other's thinking… 

            The other part of the reason is Etowato, who sent me two guesses for the last witness, one of which was Van. The other one was the right answer, so I told her that one of them was right, and she asserted that it was definitely Van. The more I thought about Van as a witness, the more I wanted to do it! So blame all your ire at the last witness being delayed on her. (shakes fist) (grin) I do so like this chapter, though…

REVUES!!! (high kicking dance)

Etowato: I BLAME YOU! (Grin) OK… I'm done. I'm glad you think Celena's love is 'genuine'. I tried to write it that way, but give her a character at the same time.. I dunno if I got the second part, but I KNOW the first part's good! _Perhaps Folken feels that Dilandau doesn't have the right to forgive himself b/c Folken himself never forgave himself, even after death?_ My answer to that question: When did I ever say that Folken feels Dilandau doesn't have the right to forgive himself? Dilandau thinks he doesn't have the right to forgive himself. (twiddles fingers) (innocent look) (whistles)

Feye Morgan: (Got no message with guess) ;_; Oh well, now you know. _Are you planning something?_ I've been planning something since the beginning, silly! Celena was the best witness yet, but the best witness altogether is yet to come. Read my story before you leave for skool!! (misses you) ;_; 

Eboni: I did like writing that story. I wanted it to be poignant and sweet… And I suppose he wasn't a bad guy yet, then, because he ah.. Wasn't a guy at all quite yet. Merely one of the wandering bodiless spirits of the world or something. Personalityless. Zongi might not want to put Dilandau on the stand, but really this whole thing is out of his hands. Perhaps in his secret heart, Dilandau wants to get up there and tell the world how he feels. After all, this whole thing is about his unconscious psyche and everyone else gets to talk about it, how fair is that? Miguel, yes… well, I thought he might not look ashamed, and then he didn't. So, whatta ya gonna do?

BlueAloe: I didn't get your review in an email! (sad) But oh well, I checked FF.net and found it! YAY SURPRISES!! I specifically decided not to write what the madoushi think of Celena, I want you to decide for yourself. Maybe they feel bad about what they did to her, maybe they don't like her and wish they had killed her outright, maybe they don't have an opinion on her altogether! You decide! Whee!! I loved the poem, too. I had to read it a couple of times to realize how perfect it was. This chapter's poem was just randomly strung together, tell me what you think. At least for the next chapter, I've had that poem picked out for a looong time. 

See you next time! It'll be soon!!


	17. Inside

            It was with a secretive smile and a slight nod of pity at Dilandau that Zongi rose and addressed the judge. He sent a sideways backward glance at the boy, noting his quizzical expression at the odd nonverbal clues.

            "Your Honor." Zongi sighed, "I will call my final witness now."

            "Go ahead." the judge said.

            "I wish to call..." and he turned, fixing Dilandau with that impermeable, infinitely sad gaze, "Dilandau Schezar to the stand."

The Trial

Chapter 17: Inside 

_Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast  
In a field I looked into going past,  
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,  
But a few weed and stubble showing last.  
  
The woods around it have it-it is theirs.  
All animals are smothered in their lairs.  
I am too absent-spirited to count;  
The loneliness includes me unawares.  
  
And lonely as it is, that loneliness  
Will be more lonely ere it will be less-  
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow  
With no expression, nothing to express.  
  
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces  
Between stars-on stars where no human race is.  
I have it in me so much nearer home  
To scare myself with my own desert places.  
Robert Frost- "Desert Places"_

            Dilandau sat up straight, fixing Zongi with a shocked gaze. Zongi's answer was 'it can't be helped,' communicated by way of a resigned shrug. Dilandau looked away, struggling for a moment to decide whether he could even get up on that stand and face Folken speaking with that bitter poison in his voice. But… This must be the end. He was the last witness. And at this point, what would be, would be. He was so tired, and it was almost over. What could he do but get up there, no matter how it would cost him?

            He stood, walking calmly up to the chair and being seated. He brushed his hair out of the way nervously.

            Zongi looked reticent about calling him up, he must have felt guilty. But this was the last test, wasn't it? Dilandau would have to pass, "Please, state your name." 

            "Dilandau Leon Schezar." Dilandau said, attempting to be calm.

            "Dilandau, how do you feel about yourself?" Zongi said, wincing against the answer he knew would come.

            "I hate myself." and it came out so quickly that Dilandau could do nothing but go round-eyed with surprise at its quickness. He hadn't meant to say that! He had meant to avoid the subject, say something to the effect of 'I don't know…' But even without his will, the truth, the hard truth had come out. 

            Celena stared at him with round, doleful eyes. She had known that this time would come. 

            "Why?" asked Zongi.

            Dilandau clenched his fists, fighting the words that came out of his mouth, "Because… I was once so terrible… I…" he coughed, "I could be again!" 

            "What makes you think that?" Zongi said, the kindness in his voice showing his worry for the boy.

            Tears of resentment and anger were leaking out of Dilandau's eyes. His stomach muscles were clenched tight, but the words still came out, "Because… When I was him… when he was.." he coughed again, "I didn't want to… I…" he sobbed, letting it go, "Because when I was still known as Dilandau Albatou, I didn't care. I could have done terrible atrocities a hundred times over, and I wouldn't have cared." 

            "Relax…" Zongi said, his eyes strained and worried, "You'll be all right, just take a deep breath and let go." 

            Dilandau looked at him with a force of fury at this betrayal, but Zongi seemed prepared and merely sadly turned away.

            "Why didn't you care?" Zongi said.

            "I don't kno-" but he stopped, and the words again came unbidden, "It didn't matter as long as They were happy. As long as They left me alone." His eyes were haunted.

            "The Madoushi?" Zongi asked.

            "Yes." Dilandau said, "As long as They thought that everything was all right, They left me alone. So I did what They wanted me to do." 

            "But did you like that?" Zongi said.

            "What?" Dilandau asked, confused.

            "Did you want to do all those things? Did the deepest part of you tell you that this was all right?" Zongi said calmly.

            "I… I don't know…" Dilandau said, and it was the truth, "It was all so vague. I was afraid of Them. I was afraid of the pain, what they did to me." he stared mistily at the jury. Those people, he had killed them all. Perhaps subconsciously through the dream-trial, he had been avoiding looking at them. 

            Curiously, their eyes no longer burned. 

            But Zongi was speaking again, "But now you're no longer him. Why continue to hate yourself?" 

            "Because." Dilandau said, "If I erase him from me, if I leave behind everything that was him, I won't ever be caught like that again. No one will be able to make me weak like that again if I leave that weakest part of me behind."

            Zongi's eyes were like glass, "But he's still a part of you." he said.

            Dilandau abruptly broke into sobs, "HE _IS_ ME!" he shouted, "I already knew that. We're the same, there's no difference. THAT'S why I hate him… me! Because we're the same. No matter how hard I try, I can never leave him behind, not without killing myself." he looked balefully at his mother, whose face was almost as bereaved as his own, "But I couldn't do that. I can't kill anymore, not even myself." She was less horrified, but still terribly sad at these words.

            Dilandau's testimony was confused, but that was because he was confused. Zongi knew this, but it still hurt him to see Dilandau like this.

            "Are you responsible for what happened to the Dragonslayers?" Zongi asked.

            "Yes." Dilandau said bitterly, "I couldn't… Can't… protect them. I wasn't strong enough. I lost them all." but he smiled ruefully, "But I guess I never had them in the first place, did I?" he looked down to the woodgrain of the witness box, "It doesn't matter. If I wasn't strong enough to save them, I'm not strong enough to protect anyone. My life… it's a sham." his smile was shaky, broken.

            "You were weak." Zongi said.

            "I am weak." Dilandau said.

            "What about your mother?" Zongi said.

            "I can't protect her, either." Dilandau said, "Someday I'll let her down. Something terrible will happen, and it'll all be my fault." 

            His eyes lifted to look at his mother, who was slowly shaking her head.

            "She doesn't think so, Dilandau." said Zongi softly.

            "No…" Dilandau said, quietly, "I… You don't understand!" he said bitterly, "I destroy whatever I touch! My… my family… I mean.. my mother's family, my friends…" he looked morosely at the Dragonslayers, who stared stonily back at him, "I'm poison, something in me is fire and everything is destroyed…"

            This was a bad line of questioning. Zongi decided to change tactics, "What about three years ago?" he asked with a sigh. 

            Dilandau was taken off guard, "What?" he said, blinking at Zongi.

            "What do you remember about three years ago, when you attempted to kill Van Fanel?" he asked.

            Dilandau thought about it, and in thinking, he spoke, "It was just like just after the Dragonslayers died. I was angry, angry beyond reason, but also terrified, sad. I was dreaming. That's what it felt like." 

            "Why go after Van?" Zongi asked.

            "Van… He had killed them. So I wanted revenge. I wanted him to die, die in the most painful and terrible way possible. Then it wouldn't matter anymore. I could die in peace." he said, eyes lowered.

            "Die?" Zongi asked.

            "Yes…" Dilandau said, closing his eyes, "With them gone, there was nothing for me to live for. Van had taken away everything that made my life worth living…" he opened his eyes, looked apologetically at his mother, Ravi, Allen, "…or so I thought. But… I think more than anything else, I wanted to die then, in my last moment of glory. I wanted to kill Van and then die along with him, die just after he did. Yeah…" a slightly beatific smile came over his face, "That would have been beautiful…"

            "Really?" asked Zongi shortly.

            "No." Dilandau said, "But at the time, it was the only thing that I thought could end my pain." It was a matter of fact to Dilandau, but he knew that the idea of his suicide after murdering Van chilled his mother's bones. For all anyone knew, it could have happened. The truth was, it was likely a lucky accident that he didn't kill Van and die along with him. The thought made Dilandau inadvertently shudder.

            "But why didn't you kill him?" asked Zongi.

            Dilandau paused, "I don't know. I mean, immediately it was because he struck my face…" tentatively he brushed the scar with his fingers, "…but that wasn't it, I don't think. It was a dream, like I said, but I remember I was just… so tired. I stopped caring about killing Van… And I just wanted to fade away." 

            "What happened after that?"

            "What do you mean?" Dilandau's voice said.

            Zongi blinked at him, "Do you remember what happened after you started to dream again?" 

            Dilandau frowned, "I don't know…" he closed his eyes, and cradled his head in his hands, thinking, "I… I didn't care. But then the memories started coming back… I saw… everything, I saw my mother. I saw my life all over again, and all of a sudden everything was so clear." He looked up, "All of a sudden, my life was worth living again." 

            "When did it stop being worth living?" Zongi asked.

            Dilandau blinked, "Has it?" he said, frowning introspectively…

            "Has it?" asked Zongi.

            Dilandau looked down, "…I don't know."

            "No further questions." Zongi said.

            "What!?" Dilandau said, eyes panicked. 

            Zongi stopped walking, looked back at him. Dilandau knew the look in his eyes. He was leaving Dilandau alone. Dilandau would have to do this alone. 

            Folken rose, and a fear rose with the gorge in Dilandau's throat. He swallowed it down, staring into Folken's bitter maroon eyes.

            Folken made a deep scoffing sound in the back of his throat, and turned away, "So, you hate yourself, then?" 

            Dilandau looked down, slightly abashed, "Yes, well… I guess so." 

            "And you think that death can save you from that?" Folken said, a tinge of bitterness in his voice.

            Dilandau looked up at him, completely surprised, "I… I mean, I never said that." 

            Folken turned away, "Fool." he said harshly, "You know nothing about hating yourself." He brought his good hand up to his face, covering it.

            Narrowing his eyes, Dilandau answered him, "What makes you think that?" he said, a silvery coldness in his voice.

            "Because." and he whipped around, "you've never given up anything. The love of your mother, your friends… You haven't sacrificed anything. Ever." 

            Dilandau growled, "Ha." he said shortly, harshly, "I sacrificed my life, when those Madoushi took me."

            Folken turned to look at Dilandau with one sad eye, "Did you sacrifice your love?" he said softly.

            Dilandau wanted to remain silent, but he was compelled to speak, "No. I haven't." 

            "Then you've sacrificed nothing. You're a fool." Folken said, harsh once more, "A fool who can have no understanding of what it means to take your own life." He whirled, "Why do you hate yourself?" he asked in a booming voice.

            "Be-because…" Dilandau said, "I already said it was because I am weak." 

            "Heh." Folken said ruefully, "Of course. Weak." his tone was so very sarcastic and denigrating that Dilandau chafed even to hear it. 

            His brow creased, "You don't have to put so much hatred into it, Strategos. You've been weak." Dilandau said, caustic.

            "Never so weak as you." Folken's tone was hatred.

            Dilandau could stand no more, "Never so weak as me!? Ha!" and his voice was caustic, yet the tone was so familiar that he almost felt along his windpipe to assure that it was his.

            Folken paused, and stared at him for a very long moment, "You sounded very like your old self for a moment there." he said impassively, and then turned away again, "You cling to the Madoushi as a lifeline, you still use them as an excuse to be weak. Just because you're afraid." His voice was deep, it resonated, even deep within Dilandau's heart.

            Dilandau jolted like he had been shot at those words, "Afraid of what?" he asked.

            "Who knows." Folken turned to look at him, "Life. Pain. Take your pick." 

            "Anyone knows they're the same." Dilandau said, "Life and pain."

            "But you don't want it to be true, do you?" Folken took a step closer to Dilandau.

            "No one does." Dilandau said.

            "And for that you would hold on to your worst and most hated enemies?" They were eye to eye now, Folken's glassy gaze penetrating deep into Dilandau's living fear.

            And then Dilandau paused. Why would he hold these hated memories so close to him? The madoushi were doing this to him, but he didn't have to let them. He matched Folken's gaze once again, and forcefully he said, "No." 

            Folken's eyes flickered strangely, and Dilandau saw the first signs of life in them that he could remember seeing, "No?" he asked, "You deny it then?" 

            Dilandau took a deep breath, and looked over the eyes of his family and friends. He even chanced a swept gaze over his old Dragonslayers, though their forbidding expressions hadn't changed much. He leveled his gaze at Folken, "No." he said calmly, "I can't deny it, it's probably very true. But you know…" and he stood, "They're dead and gone. Now I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. And I don't think…" he grunted, jumping lightly down from the witness box, "I really want to hate myself anymore." his eyes were earnest as he looked into Folken's. 

            "Don't you?" Folken asked him, seeming amused, "And this is something that you can just stop…" he snapped with his right arm, the sound was strange coming from a metallic hand, "…like that?"

            Dilandau's expression was solid, determined, "Maybe I can." he said, although he wasn't so sure.

            Folken turned, "No further questions," he said, leaving Dilandau utterly speechless.

            He had expected a grueling series of continuing questions, which left him with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something was not right. He again had the feeling that he was missing something important. He stood aimlessly in front of the witness box until he heard the judge clear his throat.

            Sparing a quick glance at the judge, Dilandau returned to his seat. 

            Zongi stared at him with those large green eyes, his expression unreadable.

            Dilandau didn't feel the urge to speak, anxiety was rising cloudily in his stomach. He looked at his hands and clenched his teeth.

            The judge spoke, "The jury will consider their verdict." he said, dismissing them.

            They filed into a room off the jury box. Dilandau noted that they looked strangely doubtful and purposeless. He settled down for what looked to be an interminably long wait.

            Beyond the courtroom, there was a palpable atmosphere of excitement. The figures, though still tall, sinister, faces obscured by cowls, were strangely childlike in their excitement, filled with twitchy energy.

            "Finally we will see whether we have succeeded." Care said.

            Shy nodded, eager, "I can hardly wait." 

            "We shouldn't get our hopes up." said True softly, "There's a likelihood…"

            "Shh…" Gaze interrupted, "You're foolish. You have to understand what's going on underneath.."

            "I suppose you do…?" returned True.

            "I do." Gaze said, "You'll see." 

            "We must be wary, overall." muttered Last, "There's still a while left to go. We can't let our guard down."

            "Or we'll be exposed?" said Gaze ironically, "It's a bit late for that."

            Shy said, "I'll be in charge of that." he said, "Exposure…" and he eyed Gaze, "…is the least of our worries at this point."

            "When he hates himself, he hates us." agreed Care.

            "Let's take care not to be blinded and numbed by that hatred." Shy said. Agreement suffused the room like a white-lavender mist, blending smoothly with the excitement. Only a few moments left, they could feel the heartbeats quickening in the courtroom, they hoarded the rhythm jealously, since they no longer knew their own.

Author's note: I felt rather disjointed while writing this chapter, mostly because I'm so excited to be writing the next couple (read: last few) chapters… Sorry if the quality dipped. (sigh) I would have taken longer, made it better, but I'm running short on time. Love you all! 

Mmmm… Reviewalicious…

BlueAloe: You think so? The poem was just thrown on there… I do like the title. I tried to convey the fact that Van was unsure what to think about Dilandau. He was fine with him until that whole… crazy… death threat thing. I think I'd be a little wary of him after that as well. And Dilandau was an ADORABLE baby. ^_^ I can just see his cute little wispy hair and that one tooth… ^-^ The Van-Folken subtext is one I tried very hard to play up. It seems as if I got off on the right foot! ;_; (tears of happiness)

Eboni: Don't do evil stuff!!! (covers face) Close second! Woohoo!! I think Folken was my second fave after Dilandau too, although I didn't laugh when he died. (for shame!) Van's way too skinny for a belly, you're right. I hope you're sufficiently impressed by this last witness. (worries) I tried my best!

Etowato: You just like it because it was made-to-order for you. ^^;; I wish I could mention Dilandau's father, but he's really not a factor in the story. Allen's more of a father-figure to Dilandau than his real father could ever be, and Dilandau has real problems with authority. The Caeli knights being what they are, (largely ornamental, the title being just a decoration most of the time) I don't think his father would be the kind of guy to want to hang out and have to pick fights with his son all the time. Add to that the fact that Celena has such a close relationship with Dilandau, and not so close of one with her husband, it makes for a very sad daddy. Poor guy.. The fangirl Japanese was rather necessary. The word aniue is just… cool… I love that word, and the way Van always says it. And I assumed you had meant Good…

Feye Morgan: I'll miss you!! It'll be a while before you even read this. ;_; Sad. You thought it fit! I'm glad. I was really struggling for a while. But then the metaphor on this one hit me, and it was so perfect that I decided to put it in. I tried my best to make Folken and Van interact in the most poignant way possible without making it cheesy. I'm glad you liked it. It almost made me cry while writing it. ;_; I felt their pain, too. Yeah, I thought I'd put that. I left most of Dilandau's toddler-hood out of it, and I wanted to put some more in. I'll see you next time! Come back soon!!!

Shy Violet: Well, the Trial isn't meant to be like real life, which is why I established before the defense started calling witnesses that Dilandau was the judge, because these witnesses are more for him than anything. None of this stuff would even remotely fly in a real court. I get what you're saying about Jesse James and all. ^_^ That was the look I was going for. And with Allen and the insanity thing, Folken was trying to catch him in a lose-lose situation. Whatever he said it wasn't good, so he just said the thing that would hurt Dilandau the least. And I'd like to think there's enough space between Dilandau and the memories of his former life to keep him from going crazy again. But then… Well, we'll just have to see in the next chapter, won't we?


	18. Prayer, Pearls and finally, Forgiveness

            The waiting was beginning to slowly kill Dilandau. At least that's how it felt to him. He rubbed his shoulders slightly, to get warmth back into them, and listened to the speech around him. 

            Zongi was turned toward the audience, "… I thank you for your kind words." he was saying ruefully, "But I fear I don't deserve them." 

            Ravi was grinning, "No, you've defended my friend really well. I think we all owe you something." he said.

            Zongi looked pleased, a strange expression for his face, "Perhaps you won't think so after the jury comes back, but it's nice of you to say, anyway." He said.

            Dilandau turned, a smile blooming on his face, yet only slightly, "Whatever the outcome, Zongi, failure can only be blamed on me. You fought as well as you could. If I lose, it's my fault." 

            Zongi returned him an uncertain look, a sad one. 

            Dilandau chose to ignore that.

Chapter 18: Prayer, Pearls and finally, Forgiveness

_To prayer I think I go,  
I go to prayer-  
Along a darkened corridor of woe  
And down a stair  
In every step of which I am abased.  
I wear a halter-rope about the waist.  
I bear a candle end put out with haste.  
For such as I there is reserved a crypt  
The from its stony arches having dripped  
>Has stony pavement in a slime of mould.  
There I will throw me down an unconsoled  
And utter loss,  
And spread out in the figure of a cross.-   
Oh, if religion's not to be my fate  
I must be spoken to and told  
Before too late!  
Robert Frost-"To Prayer I Think I Go"_

            Life, a slight life, had occupied the courtroom. It was strange for Dilandau to look about the room and see the movement of former statues, activity from the ranks of those who hated him, and the conversations between the living and the dead. He himself felt a tugging, a need to go and see his mother. Perhaps, he thought, it would be the very last time. 

            His mother's eyes were sad and deep and she held him gently, as if he was still a child. He felt her tears on his cheeks.

            "I won't…" he said, but stopped himself from making a promise he may not keep.

            "You won't forget." she said, "I don't believe you could. You won't leave me behind…" she said, her hand on her heart, "No more than I left you behind all those years ago… No." she lowered her eyes, a rueful smile playing about her lips, "No matter what happens, no matter when I see you again…" she stopped, her smile vanished, replaced by a mask of fear and pain. She covered her eyes and began to sob, sitting down hard on the bench. 

            Allen put a hand on her back, looking at Dilandau with worried eyes.

            Dilandau lowered his eyes, "I'm sorry." 

            "Don't be." Allen said, "Relax." 

            He smiled ruefully, "You think I can?" he said.

            "No." Allen said, "But it's a good thing to try." 

            Dilandau smiled, and looked away, seeing that King Dryden was regarding him rather intently. He stood and walked over to him, bowing slightly, "My King." he said stiffly, taking a seat.

            "Oh, do away with all that." Dryden said quickly, "This is amazing…" and his voice was a scholar's voice, but abruptly his expression changed, "Are you all right?" hurriedly he added, "I mean, as good as could be expected?" 

            Millerna elbowed him, "Honestly." she muttered, "Pay no mind to him." she said, her eyes filled with sympathy, "How are you doing?"

            Dilandau flashed a quick smile at Dryden, "As good as could be expected." he said. 

            Dryden knew better than to lord this over his wife, so he instead focused his gaze on Dilandau, "What IS all this?" he asked.

            "Your guess is as good as mine." Dilandau said. 

            "When those cloaked men brought us here, they never said that you'd be…" Millerna said softly.

            "In peril?" Dilandau said, "No, that's not how they operate." his chuckle was humorless.

            Dryden's eyes were worried, but they still had that scholar's glint in them. Dilandau could tell he was dying to talk more about this dream, so he turned away, paid attention to something else.

            Van had moved, he was now seated behind Folken. Dilandau could hear them quite well from where he sat.

            Van spoke softly, "Brother?" he asked, his voice more childlike than he meant it to sound.

            Folken did not respond.

            Van sighed lightly, "You know…" he said after a moment, "…I prayed to every God I knew of that I'd someday have a chance to talk to you again…" Van said, and then sighed deeply, sadly, "…just one more time." his unspoken words were 'and I never expected it to be like this…' 

            Folken turned halfway, training one eye on his younger brother, "Whatever God you believe in," he finally said, "is unnaturally kind." his voice came out as a sigh, and he smiled faintly.

            Van, heartened by the words, the attention, spoke in a somewhat choked voice, "I asked you then… if you had forgiven me."

            Folken turned to look at him with deep eyes, and opened his mouth as if to say something. He got a very distant look in his eyes, he was listening to something… Then, "No. I can't let this slip through my fingers." he mumbled under his breath, and he stood, still staring at his strangely old younger brother.

            Dilandau almost turned away, embarrassed by the fact that he was intruding on a very personal moment, but… Folken's robes began to stretch, and he closed his eyes. With the grunt of someone using long unused muscles, Wings burst through the robe that Folken wore, which faded from view before it hit the ground. A warm breeze brushed Dilandau's cheek, along with a soft something that Dilandau had grabbed before he realized what it was. 

            Folken's feather was white and pearly, it shone in the strange-dream light, but seemed so very real… 

            "Do you know…" Folken said lightly, turning and stretching one wing with an expression that was a mix between soreness and happiness, "…they were white again as soon as I got here." he seemed contemplative, and then he refocused on his brother, "The question, brother, is whether you forgive me." and his voice was sad.

            Van brushed the tears out of his eyes, "Oh, aniue… Of course. Always." he said.

            Folken smiled, and for one shining moment everything was the same for the two of them. 

            Dilandau envied them, despite the fact that Folken was his enemy. As he watched Folken's beautiful white feathers fly apart and make a cloudy tour of the room and fade away, he envied them their normalcy, their… utter… everything. But that thought faded away, almost with the last of the feathers as the impact of what could happen hit him. He could never ever see his mother, his family, his friends… ever again.

            He envied the two of them their closure, something that he was perilously close to losing. His self-hatred would lose for him the future that his mother had given him. Was that fair? No. It wasn't fair to anyone, but if there was one thing that both of his lives had taught him the same it was that life was not fair. Not in the slightest. 

            He turned back to his mother, his eyes warm and sad with the import of what he had just been thinking about. He couldn't leave his mother empty-handed.

            She smiled at him, though her eyes were puffy, "Don't give up hope, Dilandau." 

            Dilandau looked away, "Mother. Uncle Allen…" he turned to look down the row, speaking loudly, "Ravi…" he smiled vaguely, "Uncle Van. Queen Millerna, King Dryden… I just want you all to know…" and he looked at his mother, her eyes were peeking out from between her hands, "That I love you all. If anything…" his throat caught, "…happens to me this night… It wasn't your fault. And you'll be… better off without me, if it does happen." He said this, but his heart was telling him no. That he couldn't just let this go, that he had to keep fighting. If he wasn't supposed to go on, if he wasn't fated to live out a normal life, then why did whatever God that existed allow him this 18 year's sweet taste of what life could be like?

            Even through everything he had done, through everything that had happened, it was a sweet taste of life. And it was too short.

            The others he had spoken to didn't answer him, merely stared at him with large, sad eyes. 

            And then the doors opened. 

            "The jury has reached their verdict. Please be seated again." the Judge said.

            Dilandau went back to his seat, trembling. 

            The jury filed in, determined, proud. Some women, some children even. Soldiers numbered most of all. They were silent and their eyes were lowered, perhaps in reverence. After what seemed like eternities, they finished and sat.

            "Jury, what is the verdict?" the Judge asked.

            The foreman stood, he was that man who died under Dilandau's dagger in his own garden those many years ago. Still young, sandy brown hair akimbo as it was when he lie in the sand. His eyes weren't glassy, though, his tunic was clean. He stared at Dilandau impassively, and Dilandau waited for the blow to fall.

            "We the jury…" he said, drawing out his words it seemed to Dilandau, "…find the defendant…"

            Dilandau held his breath without realizing it, his eyes were closed, he felt nothing, tasted nothing, his world was nothing but the brushing sounds of silence between the preamble and the sentence.

            "…Not guilty."

            The room exploded into cheers.

            Author's note: The end got a little bit of a strange writing style, because I was reading journal entries from my best friend. I gave Folken and Van a little closure, which I didn't realize would lead to closure for Van. I'm going to the State Fair tomorrow, and I have to work. I'd better get to bed, neh? I love you all, and you all knew that this was the verdict. Don't stop reading now, OK, the real surprises are coming next time. And I've been waiting so long to write them. I hope that you're still sufficiently surprised by it. I'm not sure if I'll want to release the next few chapters all at once… So keep your eyes open.

Deep fried Reviews!

one_mean_rabbit: Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by dwindling… Thanks for reading, though…

Feye Morgan: YAYS! Computer lab! I picked the poem like a million years ago… This one I picked a long time ago, too. These chapters are the ones I knew I'd write from the beginning… I gives you a nice Folken in this chapter. And who said that he was controlled? (twiddles fingers) (whistles Folkeny tune) Nope, no section on the jury. I try hard with those madoushi. (sighs) And you're too nice. I know that when I write chapters at 3 am and just try to finish them, they're not as good. 

Etowato: I'll quality you! Like I said to Feye-Feye, if I write it at 3 am, it's not as good! Thanks for pointing out the error. I'll fix it, I swear… And I did like writing the part where Dilandau talked about his suicide wishes. It was so very fitting. ^_^ I want to go and reread all my chapters!!! But I have to go to work! (sad) And I'll make it good. I hope it's not too dumb… (slightly worried)


	19. Shocked Crimson

            The cheers were loud and raucous, filling the courtroom further with life than it had ever been, they brightened it and made it louder, more real somehow. Dilandau couldn't understand, couldn't make any sense of what he saw. His mother came and wrapped her arms around him, he could feel Zongi's cold grip on his hand, Ravi was crushing his other hand, and he felt Uncle Allen at his side, ruffling his hair even though he had told him a hundred times that he hated that but still… The moment's snapshot was like a picture gone somehow wrong in a way that was only identifiable at the second look.

            At the announcement of the verdict of 'Not Guilty', Dilandau's senses had been overwhelmed by the joy all around him. When he finally opened his eyes, he was almost paralyzed with shock and a certain perverse doubt.

            There in their corner they were jumping around. Laughing, tears running from their eyes, hugging each other in an ecstasy of joy. Just like when he had told them they'd been chosen, just like the boys they really were.

            His Dragonslayers were cheering.

The Trial

Chapter 19: Shocked Crimson

_

We make ourselves a place apart  
Behind light words that tease and flout,  
But oh, the agitated heart  
Till someone really find us out.  
  
'Tis pity if the case require  
(Or so we say) that in the end  
We speak the literal to inspire  
The understanding of a friend.  
  
But so with all, from babes that play  
At hide-and-seek to God afar,  
So all who hide too well away  
Must speak and tell us where they are.  
Robert Frost- "Revelation"

_

            They were cheering, tears in their eyes, jubilant and as happy as if they had won instead of lost, and all Dilandau could do was stare. Even through his almost overwhelming joy he could do nothing but stare at this exercise in contradictions that unfolded itself before his very eyes. 

            After a moment, the crowd around him noticed his distraction and turned to follow his gaze. The movement around him slowed. Perhaps their shock was not as acute as his, but they still quieted, disengaging themselves from him.

            The strange oasis of calm and silence drew the attention of the Dragonslayers, and they paused in their celebration. They turned to Dilandau and the look that he saw on their faces was all too familiar. It was a mix of fear and admiration, terror and respect, the look they always gave him when they knew they'd done something wrong. When they knew HE knew they'd done something wrong. Speechless, he took a jerky step forward, shedding his happy entourage. 

            The boys continued to look at him guiltily, as if afraid he would begin raining blows on them any second, but Dilandau was scarcely thinking about that, "Wh-…" he started meekly, "Why?" he asked.

            The closest to him was Gatty. He ducked his head lightly, "We're sorry, sir." he said, his eyes still filled with a lingering fear.

            Dilandau could find no more words. Had they just been playing with him this entire time? "You think I'm a fool?" he asked through gritted teeth.

            The boys perked up immediately at this shadow of his former self.

            "No, sir." Gatty said nervously.

            Dilandau narrowed his eyes and let fly, his arm whipping around almost faster than he could think about it. It felt very good to allow his impulse to rule him like that…

            But it didn't pay off. Before the blow hit the flinching Gatty, there was a shifting in the fabric of the world around him and suddenly the room's occupants vanished, leaving the room dark and dusky, as if it had never been occupied at all. Only Dilandau and the others from his world remained. On cue, tiny blue-white flames wreathed the room and a mist rose like a curtain.

            Dilandau felt the presence of Them coalesce about him like a suffocating cloud. He didn't turn to look at his friends and family, he merely held up a hand, "You should all go." he said.

            "But Dilandau!" Celena said, a panic in her voice.

            Dilandau turned to give her a cracked smile, "This is something I have to deal with on my own, dear mother." 

            "How do we go…?" Ravi said nervously, "I mean, not that I want to leave you alone, Dil, but…" and he trailed off. 

            Dilandau chuckled.

            Zongi stood up, "I'll let you go." he said, casting his eye on Dilandau as if to say 'Are you sure about this?'

            "I'm sure." Dilandau said aloud, "I need to do this."

            "You might not like what you find…" Zongi said, reticent.

            Dilandau gritted his teeth, "But I still have to look…" he said, trying to steel himself.

            Zongi nodded finally, giving in. There was silence as he herded Dilandau's friends and family into the gathering mist. The mist enveloped them and they were gone. 

           Dilandau searched for any signs of them in the mist, swallowed hard, and called out into the darkness, "Come for me, then! I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore!"

            The figures rose, towering tall, black cowls obscuring their features, and Dilandau's fear rose along with them. He tamped it down as they approached through the mist and stood in silence a distance away from him. Abruptly he felt sadness, choking and deep, oppressing him from the outer darkness. 

            One of the figures stepped forward, Shy, and breathed in a tone that was strangely familiar, "Forgive us." 

            Dilandau gasped slightly in surprise and pain and then sneered, hate in his voice as he said, "Never." 

            Quiet acceptance paralleled the sadness in the darkened room, and there were heavy sighs, "We had thought that it would be thus." the pain was evident in the voice. The figures glided backwards, melding with the mist. 

            "Wait!" called Dilandau, almost unsure why he was calling out. The sadness he felt was genuine, though it opposed all reason. He wanted to know more, he wanted to know WHY this had been done to him. 

            The madoushi paused.

            Dilandau shivered at the anticipation he felt in the air, "Who are you?" he said.

           Once again, Shy stepped forward, though he didn't answer Dilandau's question. He breathed with renewed emotion, "We tried to think of another way…" he said, his voice quickening, "We knew that there was no way we could help you, like this…"

            "…become a crutch, again." muttered the deep voice of Last.

            "We couldn't stand it… Seeing you the way you were. Hating yourself…" True's voice was silvery, soft, "…when we loved you so much." 

            "As a creation." Dilandau spat.

            "As…" but Care couldn't finish it, "We never meant to hurt you, understand that. Please understand that." 

            Gaze nodded, a heavy nod, "I knew that the only way to help you change would be to become the strongest force opposing the change." he said, "To become your enemy." 

            "You've always been my enemies." Dilandau said coldly, unable to understand exactly what these creatures meant.

            "Not…" Shy's voice was delicate, "…always." 

            The silence drew itself on into the darkness until Dilandau couldn't stand it any longer, "Who are you!?"

            "You truly wish to know?" Shy said, a sharp fear in evidence in his voice.

            "YES!" shouted Dilandau. All in a flash, he realized that at their approach they had dwindled. They'd become smaller, less imposing. There was only one now that was taller than he. 

            And Shy reached for the top of his cowl, pulling it back, revealing his face. Blue eyes gazed into wide, shocked crimson. 

            Dilandau couldn't comprehend the sight he saw, "Sh-shesta…" his voice was numb, he breathed it the same as he had on the bridge in the hangar of the Vione, mourning their deaths.

            Shesta lowered his eyes and they filled with tears, "Forgive us." he said, his voice pregnant with a desperate sadness, "It was the only way." 

            All around him, he saw the cowls lifting, the fearful shadows receding from the bodies and faces of the figures around him. Gaze lifted his cowl to reveal Miguel, True's mournful eyes peeked out from under his, it fell away and he was Gatty, the lean muzzle and noble eyes of Jajuka were exposed as the hood of Last fell away, Care glided forward and he was Dallet. 

            He felt his legs weakening, felt himself begin to drop, and then felt those hands that had kept him from the dark circle when Miguel had testified, felt them hold him fast, strong, warm, soft. 

            And then all of a sudden they were talking at once, "…Oh Lord Dilandau, we're sorry, we thought…" "It was a way to repay the debt…The only way" "The only way!" "They were lies, all lies!" "It hurt us to tell them to you, sir!" "All except Miguel…" a sly voice said, "NO! It hurt me worst of all, worst of all…" pain was evident.

            They flew before Dilandau's eyes, all concerned, all desperate, all convinced that he hated them forever. They lowered him to the ground, and he opened his mouth.

            Their eyes were so desperate to hear his words that it was painful. 

            He choked, the first few words had no voice in them, but they were yet audible, they were yet true, "I had wondered… why it felt so warm," he said, "when everything within the dream was cold." he couldn't save himself from the embarrassment, his eyes filled with tears, and they spilled down his face, silent and hot.

            "Lord Dilandau!" They called, and not in unison, just as jumbled and confused and happy and sad as it was when they lived. 

            But Dilandau was still not satisfied, "H-How?" he asked, amazed.

            There was a general shuffling, and Miguel came to the forefront, "We…" he paused, awkward, "After death, the powers that be… There's one chance, you see, to affect the life of someone you cared about in life. It's usually something small, a nudge in the right direction if you will. Sometimes the results can be great, but that opportunity has to present itself. For us…" he looked at the others, "There was only one person we cared about in life, and it was you." 

            "We had almost given you up for lost." Shesta said forlornly, "We knew your soul was there, but it was trapped, for all appearances." 

            "There were a few times, even." Dallet started quickly, "When we thought that we would free it, just so you could come to us…" he looked away nervously.

            "But that would have been a grave error." Jajuka said in his deep voice, "With my faith in your mother, in the heart of Celena, I convinced them of that." 

            "The day you were born…" Gatty said with a jaunty grin, "We celebrated."

            "We watched you grow." Miguel said, "And we saved it." 

            "There were countless times we could have done something to make your life more perfect, more beautiful." Dallet said.

            Shesta nodded at Dallet, "Sure, and some of the others took that road. You owe part of meeting your friend Ravi to Viole." he informed Dilandau eagerly.

            "But we five saved our chances, watching, and finally we saw the one flaw that could bring you to… a dire end." Dallet was sad.

            "And it was more poignant for us." Gatty said, "Because we were at the source of it." 

            "That self-hatred…" muttered Dilandau weakly.

            "Right." Miguel said, "And we pooled our energies, pooled our wills. Asked favors…"

            "Favors?" Dilandau said.

            "Yes." came the deep voice of Folken, "They asked. I came." he smiled softly, "It was a chance I could not give up, the chance to speak to my brother one last time. That was the lure, even if it was a tiny chance. And I knew it would do me good to see you helped…" Folken added, no trace of abashment on his face.

            "I as well…" Zongi said, melting from the darkness, "Asked by the most unlikely of people, my last victim."

            Dilandau swallowed, "But how.. Why?" he asked Miguel.         

            Miguel shrugged, "After death, prejudices vanish. There's very little to fight about when there's no more war. And we've had many years to think about what we've done. Many years to forgive." 

            "I came for a chance to see what you'd become, see what I liked about it. Give you a chance." Zongi said, and then smiled, "You impressed me." he said.

            "So then… The jury, the judge?" 

            "Some volunteered when they heard of it, some were asked." Shesta said, "There's no shortage of people interested in you here."

            Dilandau let the impact of all he had just heard sink in, and he was finally able to sit up under his own power. He shook again with sobs, "I'm…." he buried his head in his hands, "I'm happy." he said, "That you all still cared about me." 

            "Then…" Shy was desperate again, "Then the terrible things we said about you?" 

            "We never meant them!" Miguel said.

            "I… I forgive you." Dilandau said, his face shining with happiness.

            "Thank you…" They all breathed, haphazard and joyous and with sighs of relief. They took his hands, and helped him up, and glowed. 

            Moments ago, Dilandau had been strong, confident and ready to face his enemies head on, and break them as they had broken him. But now he found that vengeance paled in comparison to this warm, perfect forgiveness, this perfect happiness. He had realized that which he had envied in Folken and Van. He finally felt closure and he felt it to the deepest part of his soul.

            "Lord Dilandau…" Gatty said, "We want you to be happy. We don't care what you think you did. We just want you to be happy." 

            "You've got a great future… out there." Shesta said with a shy smile, "We can't bear to hold you back." 

            Dilandau smiled a quick, easy smile, the ease at which he put it on almost disarming him, "Part of me wishes I could stay here with you." he said with a sad chuckle.

            The immediate sadness, sympathy, and longing that was expressed in the Dragonslayers eyes showed him rather than told him that they wished that as well. 

            "But see…" Dallet said, pointing into the mist where a light was welling up, "The day's coming… And after that…" he choked.

            Gatty filled in, "This is the last that you'll see us." he said, his voice a close semblance of solemnity. 

            "Can't I stay a bit longer…?" Dilandau said, a shrill sadness creeping into his voice. 

            "If you did, there's no telling what could happen…" Jajuka rumbled. 

            Shesta nodded, "You already know that your body isn't here. What is here is your soul. It takes a terrible toll on your body to have your soul separated from it."

            "You might have noticed that…" Dallet said softly. 

            "So…" Dilandau choked, "This is the last I'll see all of you?"

            There was a round of sad nods. Dilandau rushed forward, and embraced them all, shedding tears in their hair, feeling them. And then, he felt himself being drawn away by the waking world. 

            He heard their voices as the atmosphere of them, his friends, faded into his room and his bed.

            "We'll keep watching you…"

            "We're waiting for you…"

            "But take your time, all right?" a chuckle.

            "We love you…" 

            "Don't forget us…"

            Dilandau muttered, "I won't…" with a sleepy smile on his face. He opened his eyes onto a new day.

            Author's note: Super cheesy ending? ^_^ I had a great time fooling you all. (well, I hope I fooled some of you at least) Did anyone guess? But anyway. This whole idea was spawned from a fic idea I had that I wanted to write from the DS's position, where they were responsible for Dilandau's rebirth. I decided to throw that idea out, and when I got the idea for a Law fanfiction, in which Dilandau has a trial in which they try to condemn him for what he did in his former life. Then it just sorta… turned into this. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. I think there'll be one more chapter. A sort of epilogue if you will. And I do have a little diatribe author's note thing, which I'll post after this. If you have any questions, by all means ask me.. You can post it in a review or email me at DragonGirl17@AOL.com. I'll answer it, I promise. And I recommend, if you have the time, that you reread all the old chapters.. Just to see my subtle clues. ^_^ And maybe… leave some nice anonymous reviews?? 

Feye Morgan: OK, so my writing is awesome. I did like this chapter a lot better. So you didn't try to guess then? I hope not! Nope, Folken not controlled, as you see in this chapter. Yeah. I thought Folken and Van deserved something and then it started to make sense in the story so woo! _I think, in fact, the trial saved Dilandau's life. Swept away the inner loathing that would have held him back later on. Maybe...uh uh. I'm not going to guess. Nope. Ignore me.  You came perilously close to guessing!! Shame! ^_^ And like I said, I picked that poem YEARS before I finished the chapter. This one as well. And the next one. Tell me what you think about this title, though. I'm not sure it's altogether what I want. You should read more Robert Frost. Everyone should. Tell me what you thought, though!!! I need feedback! Make it long! _

Etowato: You ought to know by now that I'm too impatient to WAIT!! It would be nice to let people catch up… But… Anyway, tell all your friends!! I usually don't try to drum up reviews, but I want to see how well I did on my first twist ending! I'm glad you liked that chapter, I try to make it believable, but I rushed the last few chapters. Maybe someday I'll do a round update of all of them. Get it fixed. ^_^ But tell me what you think, I value your opinion as my friend and one of my staunch reviewers!

Eboni: Zongi's not really the one who's in charge of the witnesses, bwahahaa… Dilandau was quite entertaining. And I didn't laugh at Folken's demise! I was sad! I knew it would happen, but I was still sad! It was rather ironic, though… Nyahh!! Closing statements! Graahhh. I knew I forgot something. I wanted Dilandau to do his own closing statements, but oh well. It was pointless since he already testified. Besides, he probably wouldn't have been very convincing, seeing as how he thought he was guilty and all… I didn't think you forgot! Ok, so I did. But I thought it was more likely that you were at school. So there. 

BlueAloe: I didn't get your review for Chapter 18 yet, but I want to publish this! ;_; Sorry! Yeah, Folken and Dilandau interaction was also really interesting in the show. If you watch it in the original Japanese, Dilandau's always using the perfect humble words, saying everything really politely, but he says it with such a tone of voice that you know it's sarcasm. Yes, Dilandau's scared. And he hates it. He doesn't want to be weak. He overcomes his fear in that chapter. YAY! So tell me what you thought about this chapter!!


	20. Epilogue and DVD special features

The Trial

Epilogue and DVD special features

_It takes all sorts of in- and outdoor schooling  
To get adapted to my kind of fooling.  
-Robert Frost ^_~_

            It was a great time doing this fanfiction.. Actually it's the first long series I ever completed… (But then, it's the first long series that I ever had a clear idea about the ending…) I want to thank everybody who read and reviewed, most notably Feye Morgan, Etowato, BlueAloe, Eboni, and even though she only read because I forced her to, Shy Violet. I also wanna thank Kawai Fox, because she listened to my inane ramblings about the fanfic when I couldn't hold the secret in no more, even though at the time she hadn't seen Escaflowne. 

            Just because I've got time on my hands, here's a few of the clues I left you, that you might have been able to see. Not all of them, because I want you to go reread it! But here are the things that you might not have been able to understand when you first read them.

Explanation of names, just in case you couldn't catch it, or wanted to know why.

Shy=Shesta… Whether it was because I was thinking of his name, or because I think he's so very cute, Shesta became Shy. Also I think Shy is a cute-sounding word. He's sort of shy, but not as shy as he would have been, had he not been a Dragonslayer.

True=Gatty… Gatty is True because he took the most abuse from Dilandau and still stood by him. From what I get through the series, I always considered Gatty to be the second-in-command type, which is why I gave him a leader role here. 

Last=Jajuka… The last of Dilandau's soldiers, Jajuka made that his identity after death. He was the last to die, the last to serve. He was the last person to see Dilandau's face until he was reborn. His devotion for Dilandau has stayed true to the last. (How corny… Sob)

Gaze=Miguel… Miguel is called Gaze because when he first arrived, he was haunted by the gaze of his murderer, Zongi. Through the years after his death, he came to terms with it and Zongi. After death, there are no such things as grudges.

Care=Dallet… Dallet became Care because he cared about Dilandau at the very end. He was the one who first came at Van after their deaths, so proved by The Slayground, which is at , demanding that he not kill Dilandau. Corny name, but I was running out of ideas. 

In the chapters where the Dragonslayers testified, I used their code names (and variations thereon) in the chapter titles. All except Miguel, because it would have been pretty obvious in that case. I had a hard time making Miguel and Gaze seem separate, since they were both pretty ruthless when it came to this trial. For those of you who hated on Miguel after Chapter 10, he was just teaching Dilandau the same way Dilandau taught him, is all. Anyway.

Chapter 6: Lies, True and Otherwise: The first one I felt I could make obvious, and since Gatty=True, I just did that. Just a note: Gatty was the one for whom, when I was writing the 'madoushi' segments, I found it hardest not to write 'Gatty' instead of 'True'… Heheh. The second hardest was Miguel vs. Gaze, probably because I let more of their personalities shine through. (Shesta's could have been hardest, but since his code name started with the same two letters, it was easier)

Chapter 7: Timid no Longer: Timid is a synonym for Shy… I didn't want to make the second one too obvious, lest everybody catch on right away. Comment on this chapter: It would have been vastly different if I hadn't chosen that particular poem for it. The poem reshaped my whole idea about the chapter.

Chapter 9: The Lasting Scars of Memory: I decided I could use the actual word Last in here, for Jajuka, but I used it in a different sense, so it wouldn't connect. I also thought everyone would guess Jajuka, cuz whenever he talks as Last, he says whatever it is 'gruffly' or he 'growls' it. Also, I almost forgot all about poor Jajuka… ^^;;

Chapter 10: Bereft: I thought Miguel would be too easy to guess, but maybe I was wrong. Still, I love this poem so much that I thought its title would be filling for the most depressing of the chapters. 

And as for Care/Dallet, in retrospect I could have had him testify, and would have if someone hadn't reminded me to write with Miguel. The hard truth is that I didn't have any ideas about what to do with him. 

Deleted Scenes:

Chapter 17: I cut this out because it didn't work. Folken started to reveal everything before I wanted him to! So I cut out the part where Folken talked about opposing Dilandau to get him to change, and I cut out the part where everyone in Dilandau's 'family' steps up to help him out, because I felt he had to do this thing alone. At the start of the scene, Dilandau's saying that he's weak. 

            "If I were strong…" Dilandau said.

            "...you wouldn't have killed me." Van said.

            Dilandau looked up, into the audience, surprised to hear a voice.

            Van was standing, his eyes intense, "Or perhaps it was the other way around?" he asked with a crooked grin.

            "If you were weak, you'd have killed King Van when you had the chance, three years ago." Zongi said.

            "But that wasn't me, that was my mother. She's always been stronger than me." he dismissed.

            "Strong enough to survive the torture of the Madoushi? Strong enough to kill instead of dying?" she said softly, "No. That was always you, my son. I could never have survived if it weren't for you…" her smile was welcoming, bright.

            "Beyond that…" Zongi asked, breathless, "What else is your weakness?" 

            Dilandau couldn't break his eyes away from his mother, "My friends… I- I've never had any. I couldn't even keep the loyalty of the Dragonslayers, and they grew up with me." 

            "Now that's a dirty lie and you take that back!" shouted Ravi, real ire in his voice, "You can't even lie and tell me that I'm not your friend!" he was certainly angry, "You accusing me of lying when I got up on the stand for you?" he said. (This was the part that it killed me to take out… Ravi's so cute!!)

            Dilandau looked at him, half-stunned. Slowly, gently… It dawned on him. And almost as if hearing his heart say what his mind was figuring out, he heard his mother speak.

            "Dilandau…" she said, "The Madoushi can have no more power over you. They cannot have power over you unless you let them. That fear, that anger. They're all meaningless. Van said it, everyone deserves a second chance. But you can only have a second chance if you let yourself be forgiven." she swept her arms, "We've all forgiven you. Why can't you let it go?" 

            "Because." said Folken harshly from his seat in the prosecutor's chair, "He can't do anything unless there's something opposing him. It's your fault, too." he said, staring at Celena, "You've made things too easy for him. He has to compete." 

            Zongi looked straight at Folken, "No further questions." he said solemnly.

            Folken rose with an almost eager alacrity, "So…" he said slowly, "Do you understand now?" 

            "Understand what?" Dilandau said.

            "He still doesn't understand!" Folken said, a manic laughter in his voice, facing the audience, "Even they know…"

            "Know what!?" Dilandau said sharply.

            "That you don't know how to live unless you're fighting for it." Folken said, relishing the words, "They made it obvious how much they loved you, so you had to hate yourself." he said with a superior smirk.

            Dilandau sneered, "Look who's talking…" he muttered in a mocking tone. It was curiously familiar for him to speak in this tone of voice, so much so that he felt along his windpipe to see if it was truly his.

            Folken scowled at him, "So you're denying it?" he asked. (At this point it goes into the part in Chapter 17 where Dilandau gets out of the chair and says that he really doesn't want to hate himself anymore… But after that I got stumped. So this is more an alternate scene than a deleted one…)

I hope you can forgive me for leading you on for so long. So farewell. Thanks for reading along. I hope I shocked you. ^-^


End file.
